Lifeonvenus Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I'm new to this forum, but I've read so many stories and see people giving other people such great advice that I am hoping by telling my story someone will be able to knock some sense into me! It all started 2 years ago when I met a guy whilst I was playing world of Warcraft. He was 9 years younger than me (I am 34 now) and so I just viewed it as a bit of fun and harmless flirting especially because I was married at the time. As these things often do things progressed and he ended up coming to England to visit me a few months after we started talking. It was such a great experience and I have never experienced such chemistry with someone before! My husband knew he was coming but I didn't want to cheat so I didn't let us be in a position that that would ever happen. A few more months after that we went to Paris with my sister for her 30th birthday. Once again my husband knew and I didn't put myself in a position that anything would happen, although at this time it was clear it was an emotional affair. When we got back I told my husband I wanted to leave, but then the other guy decided my son was an issue and he didn't want anything more to do with me. Eventually I think we went no contact for about 2 weeks before I reached out to him. Things started to go well again but he still refused to see me again until my divorce was finalised (that hasn't happened until recently). So we spent the next year having a lot of ups and downs, and I probably didn't treat him as well as I could of, but all I wanted to do was see him again and I knew things would be OK! In February this year he ended things for good, although we did keep in contact and nothing really changed. He told me that I had damaged him and that he needed counselling because I had ruined his views on relationships. I was understanding and told him I would help him in any way I could. About 3 weeks ago we had an argument and stopped talking. A week later I reached out to him and he informed me that within the week we weren't talking he had apparently decided to move to Sweden (something he had always wanted to do). The first few days he was there things were lovely. He was being so sweet and saying all the right things and the chemistry was back as strong as ever. Then suddenly one day he became distant again, and when I questioned him about it he said he had started playing world of Warcraft again (something he hadn't done since the last time he ended things). I stupidly told him that now I was properly divorced that I would love to meet him again and see how we felt, but all he said was that we weren't on the same page and that he had decided he wanted to travel and that wouldn't be possible with my son. I know, it just seems like a stupid excuse. When we were talking, it was clear he would be rather doing anything else than having the conversation and when I started crying all he said was "not this again." We agreed to try and be friends after that but it is so hard being distant and not like we have been before. I know he is playing WoW a lot, and would rather play that than respond to my texts. I feel so pathetic and stupid and I don't understand why I am having such a hard time getting over this! I know I should go no contact but going from talking to someone all day every day to nothing seems like such a hard thing to handle! I've never been like this with a guy before, I'm usually very strong and although emotional I can usually handle things very well! It's made super hard that I can't really talk to anyone about it because I don't think the would understand. I'm so scared of never feeling that kind of chemistry again (I've never had chemistry like that before) and anyone making me feel the way he did! I'm very sorry this is so long, it's the first time I've ever spoken to anyone about what's going on so I guess I was trying to get it all out. If anyone wants to smack some sense into me that would be amazing :x
Standard-Fare Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Questions: 1. Would you say that you ended your marriage specifically for the sake of pursuing this World of Warcraft guy? How big of a role did that play in the divorce? Or was your marriage headed toward collapse anyway? 2. I'm getting the impression that you've only actually seen this guy in person, in the flesh, about 2-3 times. Is that correct? Regardless of your answers, I have to say this all sounds pretty misguided. First, to pursue a relationship based on World of Warcraft with a younger man - you could say age doesn't matter, but 25-34 is a significant maturity difference, as you're seeing through his refusal to have anything to do with your son. Add the complications of long-distance on top of that. And second, to keep at it when he expressed more than once that he's not interested. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh. I don't think you should beat yourself up over letting your emotions carry you away like this, but, at the same time, I hope you can recognize that it's time to move on. This was always more of a fantasy than a reality.
Author Lifeonvenus Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 Questions: 1. Would you say that you ended your marriage specifically for the sake of pursuing this World of Warcraft guy? How big of a role did that play in the divorce? Or was your marriage headed toward collapse anyway? 2. I'm getting the impression that you've only actually seen this guy in person, in the flesh, about 2-3 times. Is that correct? Regardless of your answers, I have to say this all sounds pretty misguided. First, to pursue a relationship based on World of Warcraft with a younger man - you could say age doesn't matter, but 25-34 is a significant maturity difference, as you're seeing through his refusal to have anything to do with your son. Add the complications of long-distance on top of that. And second, to keep at it when he expressed more than once that he's not interested. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh. I don't think you should beat yourself up over letting your emotions carry you away like this, but, at the same time, I hope you can recognize that it's time to move on. This was always more of a fantasy than a reality. Thank you for replying, it's so nice to get an outsiders point of view given I haven't really spoken to anyone about the situation for the past 2 years. It's so easy to let your thoughts run away from you, which is exactly what I've been doing! In answer to your questions: 1) No, the marriage was heading that way anyways. The WoW guy was only a symptom not a cause. My husband knew about the situation with the other guy and didn't really care. I think that says a lot. 2) Yes, I've only ever seen him for a total of 10 days in the past two years. I know it sounds utterly pathetic when you look at it like that. I'm a grown woman and it's so frustrating that I can't just realise he was all talk and that actions speak louder than words. He was very very good with the talking, but was always not so good with actions. Why he hung around for the two years not really getting much out of it I will never know, but I suppose at this point it doesn't matter!
Toodaloo Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Venus Time for a reality check. Neither your husband nor WoW guy was for you. Time to stop contacting the WoW guy and work on making the communication between you and your husband good and understanding fro the sake of your son. Take some time out from guys. Learn about who you are and what you want from life. Then move forward by looking out for someone who fits in with that. Its all hurting and jumbled because you are actually currently mourning the loss of two relationships not just the one. Get yourself back on an even keel again. 1
Author Lifeonvenus Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 Thank you Toodaloo! I've seen you reply to other people's posts while I was reading around and you always give great advice! Me and my ex husband have a great relationship in regards to my son, he is a great dad and a great guy, but you're right, he wasn't the man for me! In actual fact, it hasn't been intentional but I haven't been single for more than a few months at a time since I was 16 (which is obviously a very very long time ago!), so finding out who I really am will be a very interesting experience! Writing it down, I feel very silly for the way I have acted over the WoW guy. I definitely got in too serious. I think its also been so long since anyone broke my heart I've forgotten how to deal with it!
Toodaloo Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Well sometimes its hard to see the wood for the trees. Laugh at yourself and enjoy the fact that you are still capable of being silly and girly and butterflies and all that. Hell I got beeped at (for the second time this week) at some traffic lights yesterday, they had turned green but there was a rather tasty blue lycra clad bottom that I was enjoying looking at... the other time was a black lycra clad bottom... Darn summer for bringing out cyclists!!! So laugh at yourself. So you have been a dope. We all can be and the world is richer with laughter for it. Concentrate on your son. If you have had hardly any time single then how the heck are you to know what you want because your entire life has just swept from one bloke to the next. Who are you with out a bloke on your arm? Who are you when you stand alone and look in the mirror? What do you want from life? Not we or us but YOU. Once you know that then you will be in a better position to make better choices for yourself romantically. Hell at least you still got it if you can have a fling with a younger man too!
Author Lifeonvenus Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 Lol yay for Lycra! And getting beeped at twice in one week, that's quite impressive! I would be impressed about getting a younger guy but I'm not sure what that says about me lol. Hell I got asked for I.D buying cigarettes the other day! I was pretty please with myself about that! I told him earlier that i've decided that we shouldn't be in each other's lives anymore, even as friends. His response was "ok" so I guess that says a lot. Tomorrow will be day 1 of being in NC and hopefully I will last forever this time, not just a week or two like in previous times! Even though I know this whole situation is silly and pathetic, I feel like because it was all almost fantasy I have made him far more perfect in my head than he actually ever was, and that is going to be a hard thing to let go of!
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