sam13under Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Ive been with her for 5 years(Jan 2011 to 2015), broke up with me and went with someone else(a female and Im a male 28 years old while former girlfriend is 22 years old). She called me a few nights ago to say she wanted to start off as friends bexause of her rocky relationship. However she changed he mind and rather be friends. And even she said a few times she "has someone else"(didn't say his or her name though). I told her I couldn't be friends with her. Did I say the right thing? PS We started as friends first to be I'n a relationship. Not be friends
Lady2163 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Ive been with her for 5 years(Jan 2011 to 2015), broke up with me and went with someone else(a female and Im a male 28 years old while former girlfriend is 22 years old). She called me a few nights ago to say she wanted to start off as friends bexause of her rocky relationship. However she changed he mind and rather be friends. And even she said a few times she "has someone else"(didn't say his or her name though). I told her I couldn't be friends with her. Did I say the right thing? PS We started as friends first to be I'n a relationship. Not be friends I'm confused. Could someone translate?
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 You did nothing wrong. When the relationship is over it's over. Nothing wrong with parting ways forever. Never feel obligated to keep someone in your life just because you were with them. I hope you find much happiness as you start a new. 4
AndOrchid Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I'm confused. Could someone translate? I'm confused too. Possibly he's trying to say that his ex came back and wanted to try again but starting off as friends first. And then she changed her mind and wants to just stay friends. And then he said no. Maybe?
Author sam13under Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 I'm confused too. Possibly he's trying to say that his ex came back and wanted to try again but starting off as friends first. And then she changed her mind and wants to just stay friends. And then he said no. Maybe? Correct. Exactly
smudge21 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 You did nothing wrong if it's what you wanted and felt like doing. You do things for you, not for other people. Could you be friends with someone you have feelings for, knowing they're being sexual with someone else? When an ex, a dumper, wants to be friends it's usually to make themselves feel better and take away any guilt they may have, such as "well I'm still his/her friend, so they can't hate me that much". Wrong. It's just all about ego stroking and they want that from their ex. If they really cared, they'd understand the pain they caused and walk away totally.
Emilia Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 OP it's perfectly within your rights to say no. It's your life, your decision. 3
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 It's way too soon to be just friends with an EX. The smartest thing you did was not put yourself through the pain of trying. Her's was an empty offer anyway. It's not like your friendship was going to include genuine sharing or hanging out & if it did your new SOs would hate that arrangement anyway.
itstoni Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Ive been with her for 5 years(Jan 2011 to 2015), broke up with me and went with someone else(a female and Im a male 28 years old while former girlfriend is 22 years old). She called me a few nights ago to say she wanted to start off as friends bexause of her rocky relationship. She missed the thought of you and how you gave it to her, that's why she contacted you. She wanted to see if she still had you. However she changed he mind and rather be friends. I'm guessing you said "Oh boy! Do I!" She saw that she still had you, which pushed her away and decides to string you along - again. And even she said a few times she "has someone else"(didn't say his or her name though). Most likely she does have someone else. Most women do. She mentioned to see what kind of reaction she would get from youl. I told her I couldn't be friends with her. Did I say the right thing? PS We started as friends first to be I'n a relationship. Not be friends Here is where you did right - keep it that way, she doesn't deserve to be in your life anymore.
mortensorchid Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I don't think you did anything wrong. I have had some horrible former bfs in the past, they actually think that when they break up with me via email or text that I want to be their friend afterward. And they get very offended if I were to say no to that. And their next gf throws tantrums and screams and takes them for everything they have. But hey, that's life. Move on. Be best for all parties. 1
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Yes you did the right thing. Once a R ends it's really hard to stay friends. Maybe way into the future once all your feelings are gone for her, it is possible but why would you want to? Don't feel bad or guilty about not wanting a friendship with her.
preraph Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 You probably saved yourself a lot of grief telling her you're not going to be friends. Look, you do what you need to do emotionally. Of course it will hurt being around her talking to you about other guys! She's being naive and selfish thinking it's okay to do that to you. So you did the right thing. If she won't respect your wishes, tell her "I'm doing this so I can move on," and then block her.
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