Grey40 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Ok so last night I did a great job met this girl at a bar and got her to come back to my place and she was really all over me and into me. However, we were both drunk, and she kept kind of stopping me from moving forward with sexual advances, I guess I wasn't working her up enough...so I kind of ****ed up and took too long and we ended up both falling asleep. We woke in the morning...Same sexual playful banter but she had to go to work and couldn't hang around. She gave me her number. I texted her later on today just checking in asking how the hangover is coming along etc..she's responding but shorter answers and not too engaging in the conversation. Was she pissed off that nothing happened? Maybe she's lost interest and only wanted the one time deal? Kind of curious how to move forward.
louxor Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Ok so last night I did a great job met this girl at a bar and got her to come back to my place and she was really all over me and into me. However, we were both drunk, and she kept kind of stopping me from moving forward with sexual advances, I guess I wasn't working her up enough...so I kind of ****ed up and took too long and we ended up both falling asleep. We woke in the morning...Same sexual playful banter but she had to go to work and couldn't hang around. She gave me her number. I texted her later on today just checking in asking how the hangover is coming along etc..she's responding but shorter answers and not too engaging in the conversation. Was she pissed off that nothing happened? Maybe she's lost interest and only wanted the one time deal? Kind of curious how to move forward. Try organise a time to see her again, and then based off how she responds/doesn't respond to that you can gauge her interest level. She was at work when you were texting her so keeping that in mind theres a very high chance she was too busy to hold a proper conversation 1
jcromp Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I highly doubt that she's pissed off that you didn't have sex. She may be worried that because she went home with you right after meeting you that you're thinking she's easy. She may be beating herself up about taking that kind of risk. She may be totally shocked that you're contacting her already, because most guys try to play this "I'm not that interested, even though I totally am" type of game. It's really too soon to worry about anything. I agree with the other poster. Try setting up a proper date and then she'll get the idea that you're not trying to only get sex from her. If she's responsive to a date, then you're good to go. If she's not, then it's possible that she only wanted the one time deal. 1
Author Grey40 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 So it's been 3 days and I appreciate the advice. I texted her once each day since Wednesday night when we met...she responds hours later and really doesn't add much to the conversation. Only on Thursday night did she actually keep the conversation going and write longer answers. It's just a little frustrating because I know this girl really was into me. There's absolutely no doubt about that. She would not have let me leave that night without her. And just the stuff she said when we were alone. So I guess it's possible she's just busy, unfortunetley I can't set up a date for this weekend because I am also too busy...worried she will or has already lost interest but I just find it hard to believe based on this scenario. I realize any thing is possible and could be another guy, etc etc. but any other help is much appreciated. How do I keep her wanting me when I can't actually setup a time to meet at the moment?
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Funny thing about alcohol and the feeling of regret the next day....... 2
Author Grey40 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 Funny thing about alcohol and the feeling of regret the next day....... There was no clear regret..and nothing sexual really happened either. Things were just as flirty when we woke up in the morning, she gave me her number before she left and friend requested me on Facebook. I guess she just be polite and friendly about it, but I don't think she would have bothered with all that do you?
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 A) ask her out again or B) do nothing. IMO texting is for teenagers...get to the point, call her and ask her out. If it doesn't fly, she has changed her mind. People are allowed to do that right? 2
Author Grey40 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 A) ask her out again or B) do nothing. IMO texting is for teenagers...get to the point, call her and ask her out. If it doesn't fly, she has changed her mind. People are allowed to do that right? Definitely, and I'm going to do that. I play in a band and have a performance I invited her out tonight but no response. So yeah, like you all have said I'll wait a few days ask her out again and it should be pretty clear if she's interested. I guess there's not much I can do at this point.
SunnyWeather Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 what was the point of all that texting, especially when you knew she was at work? I'd find that rather off putting and intrusive. ask her out on a proper date, not just to go see you perform 1
smudge21 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Don't bombard her with texts. No matter how keen you are, you'll come off as desperate. Look at it the other way round, her texts are slow coming and small... what does that do to you? It makes you want to reach out more. So swap it around and keep it similar. We all like a bit of mystery, a bit of a challenge. Which is more appealing, the person who has an active life and takes some time to fully get to know, or the person who's always on your doorstep and reads like an open book? In regards the first night thing, yeah been there, done that, plenty of times and I do wonder if the fact nothing happened if that ruined things. There's interweb talk about their being time limits when getting intimate with a girl and if nothing happens when she's offering it, then she takes it personally and it can push her away. Maybe that's true for some, in the same way people say they enjoy tofu, but I reckon for most people, not taking advantage of someone when they've had alcohol is the right thing and shows respect. The fact she gave you her number in the morning, when sober, says a lot.
Author Grey40 Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Thanks for the advice everyone. Going to not text her for a couple of days see if she reaches out. My only problem is that I've read conflicting views about texting... 1) Some people say the game is important and to hold off to make the girl want you more... 2) then some say she's going to think you lost interest by not texting and she'll feel weird reaching out at that point. 3)I've even read that some girls never text the guy first under any circumstances. So every girl is different obviously, this part of the "relationship" is to me the most difficult. It seems so hard to keep things going and there's like almost no room or margin for error.
SunnyWeather Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 the only reason you should be texting her again is to ask her out! and not just to see you perform (as already expressed in a previous post) better yet, would be to man up and call her--that way you will have a better way to gauge whether she is interested in seeing you again. 1
jcromp Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 OK, how old are you guys for starters? I ask because the dating game is different for people in their 20s, 30s, etc. Of course, you never want to come off as desperate, but if you're in your late 20s or older, you don't need to play "hard to get" or any such games. If she's trying to play those games, then she'll probably be a high maintenance pain in the ass. Is there a specific reason that you can't get together during the week? If not, then stop waiting for the weekend for a date. If you actually want to date her and get to know her, then a weekday dinner date where the potential for spending the night and sex is much lower shouldn't be a problem. Of course all women are different and so there's no easy answer, but I say maybe call her instead of texting all the time. Ask her for a specific date, as in dinner on Thursday night, or ask her what night she's be free for dinner, etc. If you're over 25, she'll probably appreciate the directness.
Author Grey40 Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 I'm 27 and yeah I have no problem with being direct. I just don't think she's interested in dating, I do beleive based on that night and the conversation we had that she seems content with just having fun. I am too if that's what she wants, I have no issue with that but in that case..asking her out to dinner isn't exactly going to work..going to give her the wrong impression or push her away because like I said, I'm almost positive she doesn't want a relationship.
SunnyWeather Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I'm 27 and yeah I have no problem with being direct. I just don't think she's interested in dating, I do beleive based on that night and the conversation we had that she seems content with just having fun. I am too if that's what she wants, I have no issue with that but in that case..asking her out to dinner isn't exactly going to work..going to give her the wrong impression or push her away because like I said, I'm almost positive she doesn't want a relationship. in that case, ask her over for a pizza and a movie
jcromp Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Or ask her to Netflix and chill. Lol Isn't that what you kids say when you want a booty call? HA!!
Author Grey40 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 Well guys, I think I was played/used. Asked her to hang out via text and Facebook (after she didn't reply to the text for about a day). No response. The last time we talked was 4 days ago and it was weird: Her: I love cooking, pretty much anything Me: just finished cooking an awesome meal actually ha Her: yeah I only ate one neck today. I'm hungry ....she also kept saying stuff like "you met the right girl at the wrong time" Ok. So my assumption is that this girl is in another relationship at the moment or seeing another guy semi-seriously..maybe she got mad at him that one night and went to the bar specifically to "get back" at him or something I don't know. She did come to the bar by herself and went out of her way to basically have a one night stand with me. And of course no mention of it. And she seemed really into me. And now, of course, total cold shoulder and ignoring me entirely. Does this sound accurate? Sucks but I understand that these things happen. Wish she would have said something but I guess that text was supposed to allude to it?
SugarLips72 Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 (edited) Be open to the fact alcohol makes people horny and into someone they normally may not be. Her lack of engagement tells me she is probably not interested. Last year I went home with a guy who was kinda cute and funny after a few drinks. First of all the state of his apt was a massive turn off to me it was an absolutely disgusting bachelor pad and the filthy gas station like bathroom almost made me puke. I have no idea why he would want a woman over in the state it was in. I suddenly was turned off not to mention he was very persistent on sex and had no condoms so I just got the hell out of there. He travels alot with his job and texted me a week later when he got back in town and I blew him off. He really was not that cute but was charming and funny at the bar. I guess he was a 2 at 10, and a 10 at 2 lol. Don't beat yourself up over it. This stuff happens. She could have been freshly broken up. Or maybe she's into someone else. Who knows. Good luck. Edited April 6, 2016 by SugarLips72
Author Grey40 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Posted April 6, 2016 I'm definitely open to that idea, and know that's a possibility, the annoying thing is that it didn't feel or seem like that kind of thing. She was pretty coherent from what I could tell. And like I said on the previous page, she gave me her number in the morning and friend requested me on fb later that day. I just don't see what the point would be in that if she wasn't interested at all. Not to mention she has blocked me from seeing her posts on Facebook but is still friends with me and can read my messages and everything. She like purposely changed her privacy settings--which is just weird. It's like she doesn't want me to find out who's she actually with or something. Why not just unfriend me or just be honest that she was drunk and not really interested? I know it's rude to do that, but man that would help a lot. I know I'm caring about this way more than I should; but it was a very different and unique experience for me, I'm trying to figure out what happened to avoid this kind of stuff moving forward.
SugarLips72 Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 Probably no point in leaving her on your Facebook. Now you can just stalk her page and wonder what happened. This is precisely the reason I do not friend guys I just started dating. When it ends you have to unfriend them. Time to hit the "unfriend" tab and move on.
Author Grey40 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Posted April 6, 2016 Probably no point in leaving her on your Facebook. Now you can just stalk her page and wonder what happened. This is precisely the reason I do not friend guys I just started dating. When it ends you have to unfriend them. Time to hit the "unfriend" tab and move on. So your opinion is that basically she was drunk and slutty that night and realized later on that she made a mistake? Do you think her friending me later on meant anything? She did answer my texts for a couple of days as well and then went cold. So I understand she's not interested at this point, but I wonder why she was and why she suddenly wasn't. When I've had one night experiences like this before, the girls were never quite this into me as she was, and even those girls kept in touch and wanted to hang out again. Maybe she's just psychotic or something.
Author Grey40 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Posted April 6, 2016 Ok thread can be finished now haha I have finally received 100% confirmation on what happened. The girl finally responded and she's moving to another state. She had this planned for many months. That totally explains why she was interested in being promiscuous. She also apologized for not replying sooner because she had an anxiety attack and has decided not to go out for a while. I did check through her Facebook and the story does check out. So for all those ever in similar situations, sometimes girls don't blow you off entirely, sometimes there is a legitimate serious reason.
jcromp Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Glad to hear you got some closure on the situation. I'm like you in that I don't understand why people don't just come out with the truth! Lol. I mean, it's not like you had a relationship. She could've just told you from the get go that she was moving soon and couldn't start something. No big deal. Ah well, sometimes women are just crazy like that. She's probably a nice girl and was just somehow trying not to hurt your feelings.
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