Didn't use condoms to start...Now I want to

[anderZ]

Ladies let's say you started casually seeing a guy, established you like one another, and the first couple of times you have sex you don't use condoms (dumb I know). You're on birth control of some sort (pill, IUD, injection, etc) and did have a short discussion about you both being clean.

 

 

That said, of course we know condoms are smart and safe to use when engaging in sex with someone you're not officially committed to. So with that said, if the guy later came and asked to start using condoms...how would you take it?

 

 

It's not that I'm necessarily planning to sleep with other women, its that I really want to be safer, and I am not going to ask the woman Im seeing now if she's sexually active with anyone else. Its not my business, since we still aren't close yet...and its my assumptions that she doesn't seem like she'll be wanting anything exclusive anytime soon (was in a long relationship for years for most of her youth).

 

 

Guess Im asking this because Im trying to find the most tactful way to go about it. Im planning to simply say "Hey, what do you think about us using condoms moving forward? Just for peace of mind and safety". And hopefully she doesnt take it to mean Im insinuating anything about her.

 

 

tl;dr: Im dating a woman casually and am curious how women would feel about a guy wanting to use condoms after the first two or three sexual encounters being without condoms.

[smackie9]

If you decide to use condoms that's YOUR business. If she doesn't like it, move on.

 

BTW yes it's dumb to not use condoms! If I were you, get tested and don't do it again.

[MidwestUSA]

I'd worry less about what he thinks I'm harboring than what he's trying not to pass on to me.

 

For example, I'd think you have herpes, and took a couple (or more) chances. I'd be pissed.

 

I'm sure there's a tactful way, if you place the emphasis on birth control vs transmitable disease.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I would be glad that he's taking responsibility for his sexual health, it bodes well. Don't sweat it, just say you know you both got carried away the first couple times but you'd really like to be able to relax and fully enjoy it by doubling up (you say she's on the pill). If any woman found that strange or wasn't happy with it, I'd call that a serious red flag.

[anderZ]

I'd worry less about what he thinks I'm harboring than what he's trying not to pass on to me.

 

For example, I'd think you have herpes, and took a couple (or more) chances. I'd be pissed.

 

I'm sure there's a tactful way, if you place the emphasis on birth control vs transmitable disease.

How can I put emphasis on birth control more than STDs when she's already using good birth control (IUD).?

[MidwestUSA]

How can I put emphasis on birth control more than STDs when she's already using good birth control (IUD).?

 

No one method is foolproof. I've never had one, but I'm sure some here can chime in about getting pregnant while using one.

 

Best of luck to you! You are doing the responsible thing, and I hope she takes it as such.

 

^^what atu said.

[basil67]

"I'm actually a condom kinda guy, but I got overtaken by enthusiasm when I met you. However, I'd really prefer to go back to using them"

[Blanco]

Hey man, good on you for having some sense about this thing. I'm not a fan of condoms, but even I'm alarmed at how nonchalant many guys and gals are about using them, especially outside of a non-exclusive relationship.

[blackcat777]

"Hey, what do you think about us using condoms moving forward? Just for peace of mind and safety"

 

Exactly this. If she has a problem... big red flag!