Does my ex girlfriend, who's now a close friend, want more again?

[DoritoLover]

Hello out there,

I need some help and advice please!

 

Here's a quick overview :

 

We broke up in December 2015 after a 6 year relationship. The relationship was for the most part a happy one until we moved to a new city togehter. I found out that she had a big crush on a guy she was working with, we fought about it and broke up. It's now 4 months since we broke up, at first we didn't contact each other at all, then she contacted me wanting to be friends, we've known each other for 10 years so I agreed and we started hanging out occasioanlly. Recently she told me that she is seeing someone that she met on Tinder, they have been dating now for 5 weeks and she's told me he's coming on really strong and has told her that he loves her. She had a very open conversation with me and told me she is not interested in a relationship with the guy (or anyone else) and that she is just building up the courage to let him down. After this conversaton she began showering me with compliments, telling me how attractive I was looking (I bought some new clothes and have been swimming over a mile everyday for the last 2 months) and also saying that she was interested in the rest of my life again (I'm studying towards a degree in Audio Production).

 

So my question is, is her openess about her feelings towards the new guy and her sudden re-newed interest in me just her playing games (she's often told me that she has men falling at her feet since we broke up) or do you guys think she is trying to tell me she wants me as more than a friend?

 

(I'm also in a position now where I'm not interested in persuing a romantic relationship with anyone so I can focus on getting the best degree possible)

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Sounds to me like she's playing games.

[jcromp]

Hello out there,

I need some help and advice please!

 

Here's a quick overview :

 

We broke up in December 2015 after a 6 year relationship. The relationship was for the most part a happy one until we moved to a new city togehter. I found out that she had a big crush on a guy she was working with, we fought about it and broke up. It's now 4 months since we broke up, at first we didn't contact each other at all, then she contacted me wanting to be friends, we've known each other for 10 years so I agreed and we started hanging out occasioanlly. Recently she told me that she is seeing someone that she met on Tinder, they have been dating now for 5 weeks and she's told me he's coming on really strong and has told her that he loves her. She had a very open conversation with me and told me she is not interested in a relationship with the guy (or anyone else) and that she is just building up the courage to let him down. After this conversaton she began showering me with compliments, telling me how attractive I was looking (I bought some new clothes and have been swimming over a mile everyday for the last 2 months) and also saying that she was interested in the rest of my life again (I'm studying towards a degree in Audio Production).

 

So my question is, is her openess about her feelings towards the new guy and her sudden re-newed interest in me just her playing games (she's often told me that she has men falling at her feet since we broke up) or do you guys think she is trying to tell me she wants me as more than a friend?

 

(I'm also in a position now where I'm not interested in persuing a romantic relationship with anyone so I can focus on getting the best degree possible)

 

If you're at a place where you want to focus on your schooling and not a romantic relationship, then does it matter if she wants to get back together? Are you just curious?

 

If you don't want her back, then just kind of brush off her new compliments and she'll get the hint. If you do want her back, then start flirting back and see how she responds.

 

She may just be playing games to see if you still want her. Some women get a power trip off of men wanting them even if they don't want the man back. Is she this type? She may be if she's bragging that she has men falling all over her. Or she may be saying that just to make you jealous.

 

I guess I'm asking: What do YOU want?

[DoritoLover]

 

I guess I'm asking: What do YOU want?

 

Thanks for the reply

 

I do need to concentrate on my studies, but I'd really like to still spend time with her, when I have the time. We're getting on well for the first time since the break up and from what she says she'd be happy with a more casual arrangement which this guy she's dating is not giving her, he's fallen head over heels it seems. I'd be more than happy to see her casually. My confusion lies in whether she wants that type of arrangement with me or is she just voicing where she's at to me because we've known each other for so long?

[jcromp]

Ok, well I think it would be pretty hard to go from a 6 year relationship to a casual relationship. I honestly don't understand how that would work. I mean, once you have deep feelings for someone, how do you just have "casual" feelings for them.

 

Because of your history, it's really hard to say what her motivations are with tell you all this. Even if she wants to stay broken up, she may just be feeling the waters to see if you still have feelings for her. Or it could be that spending time together recently is bringing up old feelings for you left over from your relationship.

 

This is why it rarely works out that people can actually be friends after breaking up. Especially if it was a long term relationship. There will always be residual feelings there that will muck up the friendship.