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nucking_futs

By nucking_futs
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Liam1 Established Member

Liam1

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

 

I had the OW on the hook last year but I missed my window.

 

 

Question do most men feel this way, and just dont act on it.... I had a lot of partners prior to marriage and was faithful for a long time.

 

IMO, a lot of men are very curious about affairs. Not on this forum, but in real life.

 

If a guy is getting hit on a lot by attractive women, it can be difficult to say no if there are serious problems in the marriage and even sometimes if there are not problems.

 

I think one problem is that a lot more women today than ever, are aggressively seeking affairs.

 

At business functions lately, I no longer even make eye contact with women, because in the past, if I did they would come over and want to chat, then the affair issue comes up.

 

My affair partner came on to me, relentlessly. I turned her down numerous times, but then took the bait. I thought she would be a safe bet because she too was married, but then she decided she wanted to leave her husband and marry me.

 

I was not looking for marriage, just sex.

 

So, I suggest that you use a high end escort service.

 

Personally, I am turned off by paying an escort, and need to feel that someone is attracted to me on her own without money being a motivating factor. Prostitutes gross me out. So, I can relate to your feelings.

 

I also don't like porn, I think it's pathetic. I prefer the real thing.

 

Unfortunately, any OW you pick, no matter whether it's a one night stand or a longer fling, MAY develop feelings for you and that will cause major problems.

Edited by Liam1
typo
purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

Posted
Posted
IMO, a lot of men are very curious about affairs. Not on this forum, but in real life.

 

If a guy is getting hit on a lot by attractive women, it can be difficult to say no if there are serious problems in the marriage and even sometimes if there are not problems.

 

I think one problem is that a lot more women today than ever, are aggressively seeking affairs.

 

At business functions lately, I no longer even make eye contact with women, because in the past, if I did they would come over and want to chat, then the affair issue comes up.

 

My affair partner came on to me, relentlessly. I turned her down numerous times, but then took the bait. I thought she would be a safe bet because she too was married, but then she decided she wanted to leave her husband and marry me.

 

I was not looking for marriage, just sex.

 

So, I suggest that you use a high end escort service.

 

Personally, I am turned off by paying an escort, and need to feel that someone is attracted to me on her own without money being a motivating factor. Prostitutes gross me out. So, I can relate to your feelings.

 

I also don't like porn, I think it's pathetic. I prefer the real thing.

 

Unfortunately, any OW you pick, no matter whether it's a one night stand or a longer fling, MAY develop feelings for you and that will cause major problems.

 

Damn those women and their feelings. Being intimate with a man and fulfilling what he says is a need and expecting something in return.

  • Like 2
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
I also have a family member that is semi well known... if I got caught then it could be publicly embarrassing to him as well.

 

Well, you are really playing with fire here, even escorts/prostitutes could be a risk, if they find out about your "celebrity" family member.

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TrustedthenBusted Established Member

TrustedthenBusted

Posted
Posted
If you really wanted to do it, you would have already. It's not difficult to find casual sex. You're posting here for another reason, and I'm not sure what that is?

 

 

This. Because I'll tell you right now, finding willing sexual partners is easy as long as you are ok sleeping with other married women.

 

Turns out they are the easiest to get. Vulnerable, discreet, available, and most importantly, LOOKING for just this kind of arrangement. Craigslist is filthy with em. For free.

 

This was probably the most eye opening experience I had after D-Day. I saw how big the problem really was after posting a CL ad ( in the platonic section no less ) and getting bombarded with real emails from real married women, locally, who were trolling the rotten underbelly of the internet looking for validation.

 

The whole thing bummed me out actually.

  • Like 2
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
I saw how big the problem really was after posting a CL ad ( in the platonic section no less ) and getting bombarded with real emails from real married women, locally, who were trolling the rotten underbelly of the internet looking for validation.

 

The whole thing bummed me out actually.

 

Seems very sad that so many women are obviously not getting "validation" from their husbands, so need to seek it elsewhere.

  • Like 2
Liam1 Established Member

Liam1

Posted
Posted
Damn those women and their feelings. Being intimate with a man and fulfilling what he says is a need and expecting something in return.

 

Well, according to the OW, when she APPROACHED ME, I was filling a need for her. But I guess that was just the bait she put out there.

 

Yes, it's sad that too many women try to be like men and put themselves out there as simply wanting sex when really the sex is simply bait for the upgraded marriage they really want.

 

My OW, was not in love with her husband because according to her he was not good looking enough. She said she stayed with him for his money.

 

That is truly sad, isn't it.

  • Like 1
Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I also have a family member that is semi well known... if I got caught then it could be publicly embarrassing to him as well.

 

Doesn't Donald have enough problems already :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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nucking_futs Member

nucking_futs

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Wow lots of good advice and opinions even some experience.

 

Ok so i did not say I had a celebrity family member. Just well - known in some circles and it could be an embarrassment.

 

Secondly, and I do not want to sound like a bragger, but I keep myself in shape, lots of attention to hygiene... I do not have a problem getting women to notice. At work conferences, the gym , the store etc...

 

I do no tthink the wife would go along with an open relationship , I have hinted around and she thinks I'm crazy.......I mean I dont want to end up with an emotioanlly attached OW, FB either. So I think if I am going to do it a high end escort is the way to go with of course protection.

 

I thought maybe hitting some bars and having a couple of ONS.... but that could get back to wife..... with the escort , not so much.... I think I will travel to vegas with frined to help him work the conference he is going to , maybe I can get it out of my system.

 

Then again maybe its mid-life crisis... before I was married, and younger it was a game to see how many women you can get. then for 17 years stuck with the one.

TrustedthenBusted Established Member

TrustedthenBusted

Posted
Posted
Seems very sad that so many women are obviously not getting "validation" from their husbands, so need to seek it elsewhere.

 

I don't think this is obvious at all. Nor do I believe it to be the case for many. I fully validated my wife. Constantly bragged about her, praised her beauty and accomplishments. Was very much in love with her and proved it all the time.

 

But it wasn't enough to fill her ego. It needed to come from everyone else, and everywhere else as well.

 

No single person can validate a narcissist, until that narcissist understands that only one person's validation really counts.

  • Like 1
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nucking_futs Member

nucking_futs

Posted
  • Author
Posted

But it wasn't enough to fill her ego. It needed to come from everyone else, and everywhere else as well.

 

No single person can validate a narcissist, until that narcissist understands that only one person's validation really counts.

 

 

that's me..... constantly wanting validation...... that's the problem... I like to flirt etc.....

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
No single person can validate a narcissist, until that narcissist understands that only one person's validation really counts.

 

Couldn't the second half of this sentence be more meaningful and valuable to you than the first?

 

Mr. Lucky

66Charger Established Member

66Charger

Posted
Posted

You better know what you are doing. Women dont forget...ever.

 

Once you cross that line, that is what you will be. However upon reading your words, you appear absolutely fine with that.

 

So go ahead and cheat. Believe the cheaters lie, that they will not get caught, and if they do she/he wont leave them.

 

Roll the dice. Show your wife and marriage what they are worth. Then look in the mirror at yourself. Watch as the "fit, good looking guy" metamorphosis into a pig.

  • Like 1
jasmineb Established Member

jasmineb

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Posted
I do no tthink the wife would go along with an open relationship

 

So you will hide and lie to your wife to get what YOU want, correct?

  • Like 1
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

I think I will travel to vegas with frined to help him work the conference he is going to , maybe I can get it out of my system.

I believe you are delusional if you think that a one-time thing will "get it out of your system." I've known others like you and once down that road, you will find yourself on a slippery slope.

 

before I was married, and younger it was a game to see how many women you can get. then for 17 years stuck with the one.

Don't the words, "Love, honor, cherish - forsaking all others" mean anything at all? Time to throw vows you made to she whom you are "stuck with" out the window?

 

Then again maybe its mid-life crisis...

New studies show the mid-life crisis is a myth. Read about here: Clickety.

 

You are just trying to justify your desire to ruin your marriage for personal, selfish reasons.

  • Like 3
wmacbride Established Member

wmacbride

Posted
Posted
But it wasn't enough to fill her ego. It needed to come from everyone else, and everywhere else as well.

 

No single person can validate a narcissist, until that narcissist understands that only one person's validation really counts.

 

 

that's me..... constantly wanting validation...... that's the problem... I like to flirt etc.....

 

If you really are a narcissist- I say that because the term is often thrown around loosely- then it likely shows in other areas of your life as well. this goes well beyond your sexual relation ships and into other interactions.

 

If this is the case, then how is the rest of your relationship with your wife? Do you treat her well? Do you think she is happy? if not, then you might actually be doing her a huge favor by pursuing your outside relationships above board and with her consent. That minimizes the need for secrecy and sneaking, and leaves her free to find someone on the side as well, with your full knowledge and consent.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

I know you keep saying you do not want to hurt your wife, but I have a feeling she is going to get seriously hurt here.

Seems you were a "player", who has played the marriage game for a while, but now you are bored and need to get back to your old ways.

You say you are narcissistic and so need your ego massaged, and the validation you are getting from your wife and the"flirting" you are no doubt doing, is no longer good enough.

That is why your wife is going to get hurt, as one or two "daring" escapades is not going to be enough for you, your player and narcissistic instincts will be energised by having sex with others and empathy for your wife's feelings will be superseded by your desire for more and more.

You will get careless and it will all blow up in your face.

  • Like 1
Liam1 Established Member

Liam1

Posted
Posted
But it wasn't enough to fill her ego. It needed to come from everyone else, and everywhere else as well.

 

No single person can validate a narcissist, until that narcissist understands that only one person's validation really counts.

 

 

that's me..... constantly wanting validation...... that's the problem... I like to flirt etc.....

 

Nucking:

 

If your wife is a good wife and you two have a normal sex life but you still feel you need validation from other people, maybe you can volunteer somewhere. You will get lots of positive validation from the people you are helping.

 

IMO, just wanting extra validation, is not a good enough reason to risk the marriage.

 

In my situation, had my affair blown up the marriage, I would have accepted that because my wife was no longer interested in sex, and I was unhappy about that.

 

The affair however ended up improving my marriage.

 

Quite honestly, If my wife had a sexual affair, I would not see that as a reason to end the marriage, if other aspects of the marriage were good.

 

Now, if she fell in love with the OM, that would be a different story.

 

But everyone is different, and as you can see by the postings here, an affair typically, at least in the US, destroys marriages.

wmacbride Established Member

wmacbride

Posted
Posted
Nucking:

 

If your wife is a good wife and you two have a normal sex life but you still feel you need validation from other people, maybe you can volunteer somewhere. You will get lots of positive validation from the people you are helping.

 

IMO, just wanting extra validation, is not a good enough reason to risk the marriage.

 

In my situation, had my affair blown up the marriage, I would have accepted that because my wife was no longer interested in sex, and I was unhappy about that.

 

The affair however ended up improving my marriage.

 

Quite honestly, If my wife had a sexual affair, I would not see that as a reason to end the marriage, if other aspects of the marriage were good.

 

Now, if she fell in love with the OM, that would be a different story.

 

But everyone is different, and as you can see by the postings here, an affair typically, at least in the US, destroys marriages.

 

 

In many other places, in spite of what some would have you believe, they do as well. Even if they don;t, they be who's husband's have someone on the side are rarely as okay with it as their husband's would like to believe. Rather than being okay with it, many feel like they have no other choice.

ShatteredLady Established Member

ShatteredLady

Posted
Posted

Please read back your old threads here!! You're all over the place. Your marriage is in trouble because you've ALREADY CHEATED WITH HER FRIEND!

 

You said "First of all I am not proud of what I did. I would take it back in a second if I could .."

 

What's happened to that way of thinking?

 

You are now planning on doing even more damage. I just don't understand this!!

MJJean Established Member

MJJean

Posted
Posted

But everyone is different, and as you can see by the postings here, an affair typically, at least in the US, destroys marriages.

 

I have, for some time, downloaded or streamed TV series I like that are aired in Canada or the UK and then in the U.S. from their original sources because of editing. The series Lost Girl is a great example of this. Even though it airs on a basic cable channel, it's highly edited in terms of how much skin is shown. Which, depending on how it's cut, can impact scenes and their meaning quite heavily.

 

The U.S. is a nation founded by puritans and is still overwhelmingly Christian. We still freak out over breasts shown on TV, even if accidentally. Sex is kind of a big deal here.

 

 

Additionally, we're a nation of individualists who have always had plenty of room to spread out. If we don't like the conditions in one location, we know we can pull up stakes and move to another location where we will survive just fine on our own.

 

Naturally, we're likely to find sex with someone else a dealbreaker and to be comfortable with the idea of divorcing and moving on alone.

 

Which, if OP gets caught, is a very likely outcome.

ShatteredLady Established Member

ShatteredLady

Posted
Posted

Having lived in different places, Europe, Canada, USA...it shocks me how liberal the USA is with violence but sensor nudity, swearing etc

  • Like 1
wmacbride Established Member

wmacbride

Posted
Posted
I have, for some time, downloaded or streamed TV series I like that are aired in Canada or the UK and then in the U.S. from their original sources because of editing. The series Lost Girl is a great example of this. Even though it airs on a basic cable channel, it's highly edited in terms of how much skin is shown. Which, depending on how it's cut, can impact scenes and their meaning quite heavily.

 

The U.S. is a nation founded by puritans and is still overwhelmingly Christian. We still freak out over breasts shown on TV, even if accidentally. Sex is kind of a big deal here.

 

 

Additionally, we're a nation of individualists who have always had plenty of room to spread out. If we don't like the conditions in one location, we know we can pull up stakes and move to another location where we will survive just fine on our own.

 

Naturally, we're likely to find sex with someone else a dealbreaker and to be comfortable with the idea of divorcing and moving on alone.

 

Which, if OP gets caught, is a very likely outcome.

 

Canadian here...

 

sex outside of the marriage is every bit as much a deal breaker here for many, and every bit as hurtful for most

  • Like 1
grammarguy New Member

grammarguy

Posted
Posted

Let me ask you. How would you feel if he roles were reversed? If she did not find you attractive and wanted an affair? I can tell you from experience, it hurts. We don't want to get divorced (I have no place to go), but she doesn't want to give up the OM. So, I get tucked in the closet and have to be ready when (and if) called upon. Not good.

wmacbride Established Member

wmacbride

Posted
Posted
Let me ask you. How would you feel if he roles were reversed? If she did not find you attractive and wanted an affair? I can tell you from experience, it hurts. We don't want to get divorced (I have no place to go), but she doesn't want to give up the OM. So, I get tucked in the closet and have to be ready when (and if) called upon. Not good.

 

 

:(

PLEASE find some other place to go. you should not have to put up with this sort of mental abuse from your spouse or so.

 

( what she is doing IS most certainly abuse. she sounds horrible:sick: )

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
She can do what she wants.... Why divorce over meaningless sex.... I have built a family , kids etc... I think if the OW is ok with the arrangement ....

 

 

I'm just not attracted to her, but in order for me to get what I want I have to divorce and give up everything....

 

Yes, life kinda works that way. You can't get everything you want 24/7.

  • Like 2
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