Belle23 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 My friend keeps telling me that he loves me and it's bothering me. How do I tell him to stop without being rude or hurting his feelings? I know he likes me. He's made comments that he wish he lived closer, so we could go out. I usually just ignore it or change the subject. When he says that he loves me in a text, I don't respond. We're never going to live in the same city and we're not super close - we only text every couple months, so I've just brushed it off. But like I said, it's starting to getting annoying. I don't feel the same way and I wish he'd get the hint, but it's not happening. Any suggestions? 1
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 So you'd rather be irritated and annoyed by him instead of just being honest? Just tell him that you're not interested in him that way and he could please not flirt like that with you anymore. May I ask why you're even friends with him? He lives far away and seems all he does is try to woo you. How fun is that? Is this a real give/take friendship? I doubt you're gonna hurt him that badly, he's choosing to ignore your hints so he knows on some level you're not into him, right? 6
Tailor2000 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 He may not even get your hints! He might see you being nice in one moment, and then weird in another instant but you'll keep telling him "everythings fine" while acting weird. HOW ARE MEN SUPPOSED TO KNOW! Be honest. Tell him straight. If he can't abide by your wishes, then he's not much of a friend. 3
basil67 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 You need to be honest. And you must tell him that if he continues that you will end the friendship. That said, it's no longer a 'friendship' now that you know he wants more. 1
Satu Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Some people hear what people say like this: Yes means yes. Maybe means yes. No means maybe. I think he's hearing you say maybe... 2
Author Belle23 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 Great advice, everyone. I need to just be honest instead of just avoiding the issue. 2
Author Belle23 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 Some people hear what people say like this: Yes means yes. Maybe means yes. No means maybe. I think he's hearing you say maybe... This is actually so true! I never thought about it, though. Wish it would've just gone away on its own. I should've just grown up about it. 1
preraph Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 It is true. There are people who think they can weasel their way in despite the fact you've given them little or no encouragement, and they don't go away easy because they believed some movie they saw where a goofy jerk can wear a woman down, some movie with Adam Sandler, most likely. So they don't really care what you believe because they think they can change your mind. But I will tell you this: The earlier you nip it, the better. The more time they have invested, the more likely they are to find an excuse to disrespect your decision and keep it up and look for excuses, sometimes even contacting friends and family, to try to worm themselves into your life. So lucky for you, this can be done in writing (and should). You really should just tell him it's never going to happen and you're no longer being friends and block him. Do not feel sorry for him. He knows he's choosing not to get that you don't want him. He knows it on some level. You're doing him a favor, keep him from getting obsessed and wasting his time. So cut him loose. 2
privategal Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I have a hunch hes got a significant other and is grooming you with tiny hints. "Wish we lived closer, love you" as he likes attention and therefore cycles back to friends of the opposite sex when things arent going well in his life or with his partner he needs attention or an ego stroke. I feel he probably has a list of people he texts this way. Its very inappropriate. He does it slowly and methodically and since it isnt promted or encouraged by you, thats telling that it is a strategy. If he can wear you down to begin matching these statements, he was sucessful in the chase. A gal with low self esteem may be flattered and fall for it and have a long distance emotional affair believing his limes, then he will drop her. This guy is trouble. Beyond being honest, Id also cut out the friendship as he doesnt seem to be a true blue caring friend at all, he's got a selfish agenda. Ewe.
Tailor2000 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I have a hunch hes got a significant other and is grooming you with tiny hints. "Wish we lived closer, love you" as he likes attention and therefore cycles back to friends of the opposite sex when things arent going well in his life or with his partner he needs attention or an ego stroke. I feel he probably has a list of people he texts this way. Its very inappropriate. What? You can't possibly say that. You have absolutely no idea. You have no information on what to go on. Right, here's another more innocent scenario. Belle23, have you two ever met? How many times? How does he know you? You say you only text every couple of months, who initiates the text? How do you know he "loves" you like you're insinuating, and he's not saying he "loves" you as a friend, and wishes he lived closer, perhaps as an awkward way of saying he likes your company, he feels warm towards you, and he's perhaps trying to get you to open up a bit more in terms of being a friend, perhaps sharing a little bit about what's going on in your life?
privategal Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 What? You can't possibly say that. You have absolutely no idea. You have no information on what to go on. Right, here's another more innocent scenario. Belle23, have you two ever met? How many times? How does he know you? You say you only text every couple of months, who initiates the text? How do you know he "loves" you like you're insinuating, and he's not saying he "loves" you as a friend, and wishes he lived closer, perhaps as an awkward way of saying he likes your company, he feels warm towards you, and he's perhaps trying to get you to open up a bit more in terms of being a friend, perhaps sharing a little bit about what's going on in your life? In this site we all chime in with ideas, theory, and hunches. I am not speaking in absolutes, I could be right or wrong, its up to each poster to decide what rings true to them and what doesnt apply at all. OP gave pretty good insight into their relationship..."we really arent even close" so my theory might have some accuracy who knows. We are all just sharing thoughts and different logic and perspective to try and help. I've no need to be right or wrong. I just wanted to help. Thanks.
Tailor2000 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 In this site we all chime in with ideas, theory, and hunches. I am not speaking in absolutes, I could be right or wrong, its up to each poster to decide what rings true to them and what doesnt apply at all. OP gave pretty good insight into their relationship..."we really arent even close" so my theory might have some accuracy who knows. We are all just sharing thoughts and different logic and perspective to try and help. I've no need to be right or wrong. I just wanted to help. Thanks. Oh sure, they might not be close, but you've said he's probably got a significant other, grooming, needs an ego boost, that he's probably doing this to many more people, that it's methodical, a strategy, that he wants an emotional affair then will drop the person, selfish and trouble. Maybe I missed how these two met or swapped phone numbers to be able to text each other in the first place, and I sure don't have any information available on what this guy is doing, but I know how bad it is to overthink and draw conclusions. Already you have assassinated his character, telling us what he's doing, why he's doing it, how he's doing it, what he's going to do, and what the future will hold. You may be right. You may be wrong. Would you agree that he could also be completely innocent and maybe just wanting to try and push a genuine friendship?
Holmes85 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 My friend keeps telling me that he loves me and it's bothering me. How do I tell him to stop without being rude or hurting his feelings? I know he likes me. He's made comments that he wish he lived closer, so we could go out. I usually just ignore it or change the subject. When he says that he loves me in a text, I don't respond. We're never going to live in the same city and we're not super close - we only text every couple months, so I've just brushed it off. But like I said, it's starting to getting annoying. I don't feel the same way and I wish he'd get the hint, but it's not happening. Any suggestions? You have 2 options here, either you keep ignoring him and hope that he gets the hint or talk to him about it, since ignoring him isn't really working for you and you seem to be upset about it, I would have a word with him in a mature manner, heres an example of what you should be saying "Hello (his name), I need to talk to you about something important, it has been bothering me for quite some while, so I think it's about right that I talk to you about it, I feel like you want to be more than just friends with me and while I just want to be normal friends with you. I hope you understand what I'm saying and don't take it the wrong way and I hope that our friendship remains the way it already is without being awkward from now on." For a normal person, this should be more than enough to understand / grasp on the situation, if he still doesn't get the hint or proceeds with his shenanigans the same way as before, its his own fault and it's not like you didn't make it clear to him. Remember the simple approach is always the best approach.
nymphetgrown Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 At least he hasn't proposed to you yet? Head it off at the pass before he does. "Sorry, no, never. No. No. And no again."
Author Belle23 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) Tailor2000, We lived in the same dorm in college. It was some time ago, but I think we exchanged numbers because he helped me with a homework assignment. We've both initiated contact over the years and it's mostly career related convo. Perhaps I am taking the whole "I love you" thing out of context. Personally, I don't throw those words around loosely so I assumed. Plus, He'll start saying how we have so much in common and he liked me in college. The more I think about it, I guess the bottom line is that it makes me uncomfortable, regardless of his motives. I'll probably tell him to stop and end the friendship if he doesn't. Edited April 2, 2016 by Belle23 1
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