Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Hey guys, question...

 

Last night my bf of three years told me that he is tired of having a job thats going no where and he wants to figure out what to do with his life. He basically said he could be moving soon to go to school.

 

I said, ok well do u see a future with us together? And he said "I want to see one, yes I would love that but I wont ask you to wait for me either. You have your career established and I do not, I want to be where you are". And then he told me he had stayed here this whole time instead of leaving like he planned because he didnt want to leave me...

 

It hurt because when we first started dating he said if I ever moved he would follow me there. I guess it could have just been nostalgia talking but I believed him :o

 

I said I would imagine he'd ask me to come with him, and his initial response was "I cant support you though" and I said "why would you have to?" and he said "I wouldnt ever expect you to leave what you have here (job) because thats not something you can just get anywhere."

 

This really hurt because after three years I was under the impression we were on the track to being together for good. Now it sounds like hes planning on leaving me.

 

Should I stay with him until he moves? Or get out now? We have such a great relationship and good times together... :confused:

 

I told him I would be very sad to see him go -- and I would miss him but I wont stop him either, I want him to do what makes him happy.

Posted

You've done quite an admirable thing, what you said at the end.

 

The truth is, in a deep relationship, when two people are genuinely in love, the roof could come off the house, there could be death and sadness, financial turmoil, the relationship should be the very thing that binds things together when things feel they're falling apart. Ask anyone who's been married for many years and you'll hear stories of hardship that should rival whatever you two have been through, most likely. It's the partnership. Just like good friendships, it shouldn't be easy to bust up.

 

Your BF is finding it hard to feel right about his life because he wants to "get where you are". Careers are never always straight forward. He may need to find himself, but it's possible he doesn't want to go through this journey (and spend more time away from you) to only find you've grown bored or tired of the relationship. He could be feeling insecure that his dedication into working on himself will only take away from you.

 

If you haven't yet, make it clear to him that you promise you're in it for the long haul. Leave it at that. Give him space, hope for the best, prepare for his possible departure.

  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by AnHonestGuy

You've done quite an admirable thing, what you said at the end.

 

The truth is, in a deep relationship, when two people are genuinely in love, the roof could come off the house, there could be death and sadness, financial turmoil, the relationship should be the very thing that binds things together when things feel they're falling apart. Ask anyone who's been married for many years and you'll hear stories of hardship that should rival whatever you two have been through, most likely. It's the partnership. Just like good friendships, it shouldn't be easy to bust up.

 

Your BF is finding it hard to feel right about his life because he wants to "get where you are". Careers are never always straight forward. He may need to find himself, but it's possible he doesn't want to go through this journey (and spend more time away from you) to only find you've grown bored or tired of the relationship. He could be feeling insecure that his dedication into working on himself will only take away from you.

 

If you haven't yet, make it clear to him that you promise you're in it for the long haul. Leave it at that. Give him space, hope for the best, prepare for his possible departure.

 

Good idea -- he has seemed insecure lately...especially because when we first started dating he mentioned going away to school thats an hour away (thats a HUGE party school) and I said I didnt think it would work between us LD. But now, after everything we have been thru, I am much more willing to make things work thru rain or shine, near or far (wow that sounds corny)...I didnt tell him my mind has changed tho because he said he couldnt ask me to wait for him, that it wasnt "right for him to do" and I took that as, "dont ask me to stay with this relationship if I leave". I could have been wrong in thinking that, though.

 

Should I say, "I love you, and I want whats best for you...please know that I want to be with you for the long haul and anything you choose to do I will support you and will want to be by your side if you want me to" or something??

Posted

I would, yes. It's great that he wants more in his life, and he should feel perfectly fine to share this with you.

 

Say that, but mean it. Are you absolutely sure? Do you have a "restless heart"? Hold his hand and...well... promise that you're with him. See what he says.

  • Author
Posted

I have more love for him that he knows apparently because I would move across the country with him and transfer my job (I work for a nationwide fortune 500) I dont think he really knows how much I care

Posted

Then tell him.

 

I WILL say though, you both need to be able to make a pact of some sort. Engagement? Well....hmmmm.... If you're willing to give up your job/xfer and do something daring with him, you both need to promise each other that the relationship is a high priority. I'm all for believing a relationship should be "you and me 'against' the world", but this kind of dedication should be agreed upon.

 

Let's see if you are both willing and able. It's not easy.

×
×
  • Create New...