Mosufe Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 So, I've recently written here about my break up wich was around 3 weeks ago. Since it was the first time I was dumped, it took me a while to cope with it so I've been searching around the forum for similar stories. I've recently stumbled across the term GIGS and I think it kinda matches what happened with me. Long story short, I've been in a LTR with this girl for about 1 1/2 years, the last 6 being LDR. She is 22 years old now and had a bf for about 2 years before me. She ended the first relationship because of constant fighting and trust issues. With me it was the opposite, she mentioned all the time how fabulous it was that we never fought for silly things. She also mentioned 2 or 3 times that she started dating at an advanced age, never dated too much and soon jumped into relationships, the 3rd one being with me. She broke up with me out of the blue. She came to my city for vacations(1 month total) then I went to hers(also about 1 month). No sings of problems at this point. It happened about 2 weeks after I came back home. She was already asking me to visit her at some point in the year for a concert but soon after I scheduled the tickets she grew distant (not even texting me going morning anymore). I waited for around 1 week and the finally asked what was wrong. She told me she was feeling discouraged to continue the relationship due to the lack of comunication(but said she didn't want to end the relationship). I gave her 1 day to decide and she chose to break up. She asked me to remain as friends wich I refused and told me how amazing of a guy I was. Since then what I hear from her is that she doesn't want to commit to anyone anytime soon and went straight partying. I also remember how worried she was about not having done too many things outside studying before, unlike me. I've been told she is really pursuing tons of stuff related to that nowadays. I'm doing good myself right now so i'm not really bothered what the answer might be but I got really curious about the topic. So what are your toughts on this? I would rellay like some opinions. And thanks for everyone here on LS who've helped me already so much with my breakup
basil67 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Have you considered that the breakup may have been nothing more complicated than long distance not working for her? Seeing each other so sporadically must make it very hard to get one's relationship needs met. What made the two of you long distance and when you were due to be back together? 1
Marco Valerio Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Well, the key here is, SHE chose not to be with you. That's all you need, accept it and move on. The reasons she had to break up with you are unknown to us. And in your case, you'll probably never get to know the entire truth. She made a choice about you. Your turn, move forward. 1
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 She's 22, she probably realised that there is more to life that being stuck with a bf she hardly ever sees IRL. LDR's are hard, most fail. People in general need physical connection, they need to hug and cuddle and they need real sex and real conversations, they need to go out and do real stuff whenever they feel like it. LDRs are a poor substitute for real relationships. 1
salparadise Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Call it GIGS if you like, but what it really comes down to is low interest. There is a man's dating coach who wrote a book or something––it's mostly junk advice, but the one thing I found interesting in his approach is the way he characterizes interest levels. He says that once a woman's interest falls below fifty percent she's heading for the exit and there's really nothing you can do. According to him, there are ways to maintain interest at high levels, but once it drops you can't get it back. I think his characterization may be valid in this specific area (overall I think he's an idiot). Women with piqued interest don't get GIGS, but when interest levels drop below fifty percent they all get it. 1
Author Mosufe Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 Well, the key here is, SHE chose not to be with you. That's all you need, accept it and move on. The reasons she had to break up with you are unknown to us. And in your case, you'll probably never get to know the entire truth. She made a choice about you. Your turn, move forward. About that, I'm going pretty well myself, I'm not having ups and downs anymore , my interest here is mainly about human behaviour (specifically women) trying to understand what went wrong and how to not let it happen again in the future if it's even possible. Just looking for more opinions from people that are more experienced than me on it . What I forgot to mention is that before our relationship turned to long distance she was the one begging to never leave her. She kept saying she would call me everyday to talk about anything. I wasn't really sure at the beginning but then commited to it since she was willing to make it work. Things have shifted the opposite way, no idea why though. My conscience is clean about it. I know I've done all I could for the relationship. Have you considered that the breakup may have been nothing more complicated than long distance not working for her? Seeing each other so sporadically must make it very hard to get one's relationship needs met. What made the two of you long distance and when you were due to be back together? We went longe distance after studying together in an exchange program in Europe having to come back home after some time to our cities wich are about 800 miles away. We were due to be back together in another 1 1/2 years.
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 We went long distance after studying together in an exchange program in Europe having to come back home after some time to our cities wich are about 800 miles away. We were due to be back together in another 1 1/2 years. Your long distance arrangement at 2 years was longer than your initial time together, you didn't really have enough time to bond fully to carry you through the 2 years apart. Life for a 22 year old is exciting, too exciting to stay at home Skypeing, texting, pining for and missing a bf, who is 800 miles away. Sorry, but you need to move on. Try not to get involved in any more LDRs.
Marco Valerio Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 About that, I'm going pretty well myself, I'm not having ups and downs anymore , my interest here is mainly about human behaviour (specifically women) trying to understand what went wrong and how to not let it happen again in the future if it's even possible. Just looking for more opinions from people that are more experienced than me on it . What I forgot to mention is that before our relationship turned to long distance she was the one begging to never leave her. She kept saying she would call me everyday to talk about anything. I wasn't really sure at the beginning but then commited to it since she was willing to make it work. Things have shifted the opposite way, no idea why though. My conscience is clean about it. I know I've done all I could for the relationship. We went longe distance after studying together in an exchange program in Europe having to come back home after some time to our cities wich are about 800 miles away. We were due to be back together in another 1 1/2 years. What went wrong? For sure there are things you did wrong, or you could have done in a better way. But the thing is, there are too many variables in the relationship equation, you can not know them all, or be able to manipulate them. After all, a relationship is a deal between two people, "equals" that choose to share their life with the other person. She thought the deal was over for some reason. Unless you were a dick to her, it can be pretty much all or nothing. You don't need to look for an excuse of why she ditched you. Her reasons say nothing about you. You are not defined from the choices she makes in life. Were you a good boy to her? Did you love her? Did you respect her? That's what's important.
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