jl27 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a month + 10 days ago. We did talk for about a week after we broke up and we were civil with each other, I stopped talking to him because I wanted him to miss me and make him wonder why I wasn't trying to chase after him anymore. As the weeks went on, I heard nothing from him and he seemed to purposely go out of his way to not open my Snapchat stories. These last few days have been very strange though, he's started checking my Snapchat stories. My birthday was on the 27th and I was wondering if he was going to wish me a happy birthday....and he did...weirdly enough it was through a Snapchat, so I opened it and I said thank you and I got no reply from him. His birthday is in 2 days.. I was wondering if I should go ahead and wish him a happy birthday, or if I should just not even go there and make it seem like I'm moving on and could care less if it was his bday or not I don't want him to think I'm cold hearted if I don't, but I also don't want him to think that he still has the "control" in the situation if I did. I just want him to worry and wonder why I might not be messaging him. I would like to have the control back and be that "ungettable girl" or to have him stress about me actually moving on from him. I do still care for him very much and I just want to know the best way to approach this situation? Thanks for your help in advance! Edited April 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~T
basil67 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Sweetie, the relationship is over. One birthday acknowledgement means very little. He's not wondering why you're not contacting him. He won't think you're cold if you stay out of contact. He's most likely in the process of moving on. And you should do the same. Take some time for yourself. And when you're ready, there's a whole new world of men to be discovered. 3
Toodaloo Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 No you should not. He is an ex not a family member or friend. Forget his birthday. Forget Snap chat. Forget Facebook, instagram, twitter and whatever else it is you kids do these days... Go out with your friends and forget about this guy. 3
Marco Valerio Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Yeap, do not send him a text. There's no need on doing it, or debt to be paid. You are not together anymore, you shouldn't expect anything from each other. And please, do not use NC as a tool to manipulate your ex (that's what seems like from your thread). NC is a tool to move on from the relationship, to continue with your life. 1
smudge21 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 if you contact him, then what? He'll either reply then go quiet which will leave you even more upset and confused.. or he won't reply at all which will leave you even more upset and confused. It's not worth the pain, take that from someone who has played that game and been burnt in the past. If they wanted to be with us, they would be. That's it. 3
kgcolonel Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a month + 10 days ago. We did talk for about a week after we broke up and we were civil with each other, I stopped talking to him because I wanted him to miss me and make him wonder why I wasn't trying to chase after him anymore. As the weeks went on, I heard nothing from him and he seemed to purposely go out of his way to not open my Snapchat stories. These last few days have been very strange though, he's started checking my Snapchat stories. My birthday was on the 27th and I was wondering if he was going to wish me a happy birthday....and he did...weirdly enough it was through a Snapchat, so I opened it and I said thank you and I got no reply from him. His birthday is in 2 days.. I was wondering if I should go ahead and wish him a happy birthday, or if I should just not even go there and make it seem like I'm moving on and could care less if it was his bday or not I don't want him to think I'm cold hearted if I don't, but I also don't want him to think that he still has the "control" in the situation if I did. I just want him to worry and wonder why I might not be messaging him. I would like to have the control back and be that "ungettable girl" or to have him stress about me actually moving on from him. I do still care for him very much and I just want to know the best way to approach this situation? Thanks for your help in advance! OP....bolded tells me that you are hurt and that your objective isn't to show him the classy individual you are but to get the upper hand here. Please accept the fact that the relationship is over and stop with the game playing. Get out with your friends and begin to heal. This will help you mature....btw how old are you and your exbf? Edited April 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~T 1
kztar Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Do not contact him, under ANY circumstances. This means his birthday is just another regular day. I know you still care about him but he's no longer part of your life. Besides, this breakup is fresh. You're going to get hurt in the process and wonder why he didn't do this and that like you are right now. If you would have blocked him everywhere you would not be wondering. STAY NO CONTACT AND HEAL. 1
CDJ Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Take it from someone who responded to an ex's birthday and got severely burned in doing so: Don't bother. Leave it. Stay 'no contact'. 1
Rachel39 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Today is my birthday and we split up 3 months ago ... 11 days no contact on my side. Yes I hoped for a message from him, every single member of his family sent me one even his dad .... but nothing from him and I haven't contacted him either .... It's hurt me but today is nearly over. And he knows how I feel about him Iv spent the day thinking about him, he doesn't want me and it's getting easier to digest now
ChickiePops Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Didn't even need to read the post before I knew it was was a no. No. He is your EX.
Steven1 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Today is my birthday and we split up 3 months ago ... 11 days no contact on my side. Yes I hoped for a message from him, every single member of his family sent me one even his dad .... but nothing from him and I haven't contacted him either .... It's hurt me but today is nearly over. And he knows how I feel about him Iv spent the day thinking about him, he doesn't want me and it's getting easier to digest now Happy birthday! I'm just sorry it couldn't have been under better circumstances for you.
Blanco Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 There should be a sticky at the top of this forum, since this is a common subject around here. In short, positive things don't come from reaching out to an ex to wish a happy birthday. Either you get no response and that hurts you, or you get to chatting and you're suddenly sucked back into a situation that almost definitely ends with you getting hurt. My birthday was earlier this month and I didn't hear from her. Part of me expected to, so it was a little disappointing. Still, I completely understood why she didn't and I didn't feel upset with her. It was probably best not to hear from her.
Heartbreak Hotel Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I actually have a different opinion to everyone else here, but all I'll say is there's absolutely nothing wrong wishing someone a happy birthday but just know and accept that you won't get a reply, because he won't reply to most people and because you guys are unfortunately over he'll be in a different place. Like you said you're civil and he wished you a happy birthday so there's no harm keeping it civil but what is important is you and how you feel because if you're really hung up on him then it's probably best leaving it because it will hurt you when he doesn't reply. So basically do what you feel is right, I'm sure you can make that decision
Blanco Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I actually have a different opinion to everyone else here, but all I'll say is there's absolutely nothing wrong wishing someone a happy birthday but just know and accept that you won't get a reply, because he won't reply to most people and because you guys are unfortunately over he'll be in a different place. Like you said you're civil and he wished you a happy birthday so there's no harm keeping it civil but what is important is you and how you feel because if you're really hung up on him then it's probably best leaving it because it will hurt you when he doesn't reply. So basically do what you feel is right, I'm sure you can make that decision But that's the problem. Most people who are conflicted about whether or not to say anything on the ex's birthday are conflicted because they're still very much emotionally invested in that person. Those are the people who are going to feel hurt if they don't get any response. 2
Heartbreak Hotel Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 But that's the problem. Most people who are conflicted about whether or not to say anything on the ex's birthday are conflicted because they're still very much emotionally invested in that person. Those are the people who are going to feel hurt if they don't get any response. Can't disagree with that, nicely put.
mightycpa Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Do it a day early. That way, you can continue to play your games, and act like you have forgotten the details while simultaneously satisfying the urge that you have to show him you care. Starting next year, there will be plenty of time in your life to ignore his birthday.
Gretzky99 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 But that's the problem. Most people who are conflicted about whether or not to say anything on the ex's birthday are conflicted because they're still very much emotionally invested in that person. Those are the people who are going to feel hurt if they don't get any response. I think that's a good point. Most people are still hurt or carry hopes of reconciliation to some degree and under those circumstances it is never wise to wish an ex happy birthday. My ex's birthday is coming up in a few days, with me being the one who was dumped, and after going NC for over 8 months, since the day we broke up, I can truthfully say I'm over her. (Have been for awhile). I've also started seeing a new girl for the past 2 months and I'm genuinely happy/optimisitic with where things are going. I have decided I'm going to wish my ex a happy birthday and keep it at that. Nothing more, nothing less. If she doesn't respond, great, I don't care, and if she does and wants to start an extended convo, I simply won't allow that to happen. My only objective is to do it to remain civil, because when we broke up it ended on some bad terms and I don't want that to be the last image. Again, when you reach a stage of not caring, that's when its best.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I think that's a good point. Most people are still hurt or carry hopes of reconciliation to some degree and under those circumstances it is never wise to wish an ex happy birthday. My ex's birthday is coming up in a few days, with me being the one who was dumped, and after going NC for over 8 months, since the day we broke up, I can truthfully say I'm over her. (Have been for awhile). I've also started seeing a new girl for the past 2 months and I'm genuinely happy/optimisitic with where things are going. I have decided I'm going to wish my ex a happy birthday and keep it at that. Nothing more, nothing less. If she doesn't respond, great, I don't care, and if she does and wants to start an extended convo, I simply won't allow that to happen. My only objective is to do it to remain civil, because when we broke up it ended on some bad terms and I don't want that to be the last image. Again, when you reach a stage of not caring, that's when its best. You wrote recently about how you miss your ex and how you keep comparing your new girlfriend to her. I think it'd be very foolish for you to break No Contact. Maybe next year you'll actually be healed, but you aren't there yet. If she hasn't contacted you in 8 months she's not worried about you being "civil". I don't think you're being honest with your motives.
Blanco Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Here's a secret: Unless you and an ex are now legitimate friends, the birthday of an ex you have no emotional investment in will barely be on your radar; so little that you'll probably forget to even ponder sending birthday wishes. 1
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