DeeplyMissHer Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 For the past week, my girlfriend of 4 months has been distant. She cancelled our date Friday night and I didn't hear from her until later Saturday afternoon. I asked her if everything was allright. She says she hasn't been feeling well and under a lot of stress at work. Recently new management took over the coffee shop where she worked. Sunday night, we talked on the phone for a bit. Monday we met for lunch and she appeared fine, just recovering from the after effects of a cold. We are suppose to a movie tomorrow night, but she hasn't texted me to confirm our plans like she usually does.
mortensorchid Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Text her again asking if you are still on for whatever plan you had made. If she doesn't respond immediately I would suspect she is pulling away.
smudge21 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 After 4 months, although short, she may be expecting you to ask if anything's wrong; showing that you notice and care. Besides, I don't think there's anything wrong with simply asking. If the contact has dropped dramatically then both parties will notice the change and sitting on the fence not doing anything about it also sends a signal that you don't care either. I've had that similar distance thing and always felt okay in asking. If the answer has been "nothing" or similar then at least I tried and made it clear I cared. Obviously if the relationship is fading off then she may not open up, but at least you'll get some answers or a clue to where things are going. All that said, you could just be over thinking all this - I wouldn't want to be around a date if I was sneezing lumps of green goo in their general direction. My mates fine, but not a date.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 I did call her and asked if everything was all right and she said she was fine. We went to that movie as usual. On the way home to drop her off, I asked her if she wanted to spend the night. She said sure. 3 in the morning she woke me up and asked me to take her home, which I did. I didn't hear anything from her until last night. I asked her again if she was allright and she said yes. We talked for a bit. I was getting short answers, so I asked her straight out if she still wanted to date me. She didn't respond right away, but an hour later she called crying. I finally found out what had been bothering her. My ex girlfriend had facebook her saying that she was going to take me back to court, so I get less time and on and on. She said she didn't want to be responsible for me losing time with my daughter. I told her not to worry about her, block her and let me deal with her. I had visited with a lawyer on Friday, because I had previously decided to go for 50-50 custody and my lawyer thinks I have a good case.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I did call her and asked if everything was all right and she said she was fine. We went to that movie as usual. On the way home to drop her off, I asked her if she wanted to spend the night. She said sure. 3 in the morning she woke me up and asked me to take her home, which I did. I didn't hear anything from her until last night. I asked her again if she was allright and she said yes. We talked for a bit. I was getting short answers, so I asked her straight out if she still wanted to date me. She didn't respond right away, but an hour later she called crying. I finally found out what had been bothering her. My ex girlfriend had facebook her saying that she was going to take me back to court, so I get less time and on and on. She said she didn't want to be responsible for me losing time with my daughter. I told her not to worry about her, block her and let me deal with her. I had visited with a lawyer on Friday, because I had previously decided to go for 50-50 custody and my lawyer thinks I have a good case. So, have you dealt with your ex? If so, what did you say or do to ensure this won't happen again? Your girlfriend is probably feeling extremely uncomfortable about the whole situation. She needs to see that you're on her side, in the sense that you will stand up for her and that you are devoted to her. That's about all you can do. Let your actions speak for you. Only she can decide if she is willing to ride this out. 1
smudge21 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Why wouldn't she have told you that from the very beginning, instead of letting it build up and potentially push you away? I don't get that. What possible reason could there be to bottle up the fact your ex contacted her? 1
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 My girlfriend said that she didn't want to overstep her boundaries with a child that isnt' hers. This is the first man she has dated that has a child. I reassured her that she isn't doing anything wrong, and that my ex is jealous and to ignore her. I messaged my ex and told her to not contact my girlfriend again, and that if she can't be civil we will have to limit communication, which we both can agree is not in our daughter's best interest. So for now it seems like things are under control.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 My girlfriend said that she didn't want to overstep her boundaries with a child that isnt' hers. This is the first man she has dated that has a child. I reassured her that she isn't doing anything wrong, and that my ex is jealous and to ignore her. I messaged my ex and told her to not contact my girlfriend again, and that if she can't be civil we will have to limit communication, which we both can agree is not in our daughter's best interest. So for now it seems like things are under control. It seems a bit odd to me that she didn't tell you sooner that your ex had messaged her, even going so far as needing to go home at 3 am. Did she explain why she waited? I don't understand why she felt she couldn't just come out and tell you and you needed to pull the info from her. While I don't doubt this has made her uncomfortable, I also wonder if there's more going on with her. I suspect there is.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 It seems a bit odd to me that she didn't tell you sooner that your ex had messaged her, even going so far as needing to go home at 3 am. Did she explain why she waited? I don't understand why she felt she couldn't just come out and tell you and you needed to pull the info from her. While I don't doubt this has made her uncomfortable, I also wonder if there's more going on with her. I suspect there is. I did ask her why. She said that she felt intimated by my ex girlfriend, and that she wanted to tell me sooner but was afraid of what my ex might do. That she had an old friend who's ex boyfriend dumped her and when he turned around and dated someone else, she ended up lying to the court and had his visitation taken away. It made sense to me, and she does have some self-esteem issues but over all she is a super sweet girl and I really really like her. As for more going on with her. Like what? If their is some red flags or something I should think about, I'm all ears.
kendahke Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 While I think that her reasons have merit, still, she should have trusted you to talk to you and let you know the mess your ex was up to. Why does she even have her facebook to accept messages from people who are not her friends? Those kinds of messages go to my junk mail folder and I hardly, if ever, check in there. She should have shown you the message, not make the decision for you that you're better off without her in your life. That's a lot of unnecessary drama right there.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 While I think that her reasons have merit, still, she should have trusted you to talk to you and let you know the mess your ex was up to. Why does she even have her facebook to accept messages from people who are not her friends? Those kinds of messages go to my junk mail folder and I hardly, if ever, check in there. She should have shown you the message, not make the decision for you that you're better off without her in your life. That's a lot of unnecessary drama right there. I don't want drama, so I hope after this incident and the discussion we had about it, she won't be afraid to come to me.
Recommended Posts