Left again,

[LovelyJoey]

I'll try to make a long story short, but I usually can't so bare with me. I got a lot of life issues that also play a key role, but aren't as important, though they are, they're not what's hurting me the most and are what made me dead inside. I know the story I'm about to type may seem silly to some and not a good reason to be the way I am, depressed and a bit suicidal (THOUGH I NEVER HAVE NOR WILL I EVER ATTEMPT TO SUICIDE I KNOW HOW PRECIOUS LIFE IS!), but what I feel I've lost, is everything I ever loved and cared about and its broke me and my heart. Though keep in mind I'm of course still appreciative of what I have, and understand with time things will be better, but I cannot snap out of this state and I do not know what to do, thank you for taking the time to read this. (We're all teenagers, and yes they're real girls)

 

So long story short, I met a girl through Minecraft give or take a year ago in 2014 Christmas, we got real close and then she left me and never wanted to really talk to me again out of no where, I kept trying, which might've definitely pushed her away more, till I got over her last April. I even got panic attacks from anxiety and now have a chest/heart pain that still hurts me and has weakened my body a bit kind of to this day. We barley talked after that, till she came around in June for my birthday last year, and helped me with my problems, telling me she wants to rebuild our relationship again and shoulder me, though once school came around after that summer, didn't really talk at all. I tried re connecting with her this Christmas last year only for her to un add me on skype and laugh at me when I admitted my feelings to her, so I said goodbye to her for good in January of this year, that and a lot of other life issues, I REALLY was broken and wanted to die. :/

 

End of January of this year, met 2 more girls in Minecraft. Long story short, we'd play every day, and all became real good close friends. We all helped each other with problems, they really changed my life for the better. One girl and I in particular got so close, it was almost like we were dating, she cared and told me she'd never leave me and to forget about the girl who did leave me, we'd always help each other and play around with each other if you didn't know any better you'd guess we were dating, really got close to her she was the best thing that ever happened to me, even with my life issues I felt better, she was always there for me and helped me through anything as I did with her. She was special and made me feel special, my life was worth living once again and she'd always say good morning and we'd talk all day every day hours on end even at school it was amazing. Still always worrying for nothing and having bad dreams cause, it's unfortunately how I've become now, but whenever something did go bad, we'd both cry tears of joy and glad that everything was alright and that we had each other and it was like a dream come true, we weren't dating, but it felt like true love and things were looking up. She always told me to be myself and that everything will be okay, to relax and know I could never hurt her or make her leave EVER. My life, was just, while still depressed and worried, amazing once again...

 

Boy was I dead wrong, not the Sunday that just passed for Easter, the Sunday prior to that one, things went bad. First half of the day was fine and magical as ever, she acted a bit weird, but not unusual as we'd both understand we can both act weird with problems and all. Though she wasn't very much wanting to talk to me, me and her friend were in a server we'd all always play on, she came onto play and then they both left suddenly. I assumed maybe they wanted to play by themselves as they usually tell me and invite me to the call. Later I went with her telling her I was feeling bad in the server but ignored my messages, wasn't until she checked her skype that had been set to away that she'd ask me what's wrong, and instead of acting more concerned and wanting to help more as usual, she seemed to be un interested and when I asked if I had hurt her, she said "no ;-;" and was the last time she ever spoke to me. I asked her friend what's wrong and she said everything is fine, it's just my mind as usual, to get some rest, so I did.

 

Next day Monday, her skype offline (never to be seen on again for me) and I sent her messages, she never replied. Unusual, but I tried not to over react (course with me I was going crazy and imagining the worst) but I kept my cool and talked with her friend about random things so everything seemed like it was cool. Later that day when her friend and I were on minecraft, she came on, then they both left the server without telling me, like they did on Sunday. Unusual, they'd always tell me and invite me to the call and everything I asked where they'd had gone to in our group chat, no reply. Later that night her skype name changed, profile picture gone, still offline for me and left our group kik chat, and so I asked her friend if everything was okay, telling her I hope I didn't hurt her or do anything wrong, she seemed un interested and just replied with short messages like, "she was fine x3" and "it's okay", and if they were in a call as her friend claimed and she was simply invisible, why would all that stuff change and why wouldn't I repeatedly see her name pop up online back to invisible like it usually did. I asked her friend if we could talk about it and she said she was busy, she left the server to the hub server and when I went to, she was busy talking to someone else, ignoring my skype messages I guess. She then left and came back on and when I asked if we could talk she said "I guess" and when I did try to, skype went offline and away, kept fluctuating, never replied or went online to me again on skype.

 

Tuesday rolls around, messaging her friend hoping that we could talk, I see the girl (my crush) come onto the game, happy and talking to everyone. I told her how I hope she's okay and everything is fine and that we should talk since we haven't talked since Sunday. We'd talk every day all the time, her not wanting to speak with me out of no where was a first. She was ignoring me, plainly and not even making it look like she wasn't ignoring me. She was replying to everyone else and avoiding my minecraft character, I begged her to tell me what was going on and hoping I could fix it, didn't even budge. I went to her friend's kik and noticed she also left our group chat on kik, and I begged her to tell me what was wrong, she said nothing the kik chat just got boring, I re invited them both and asked what was wrong, both ignored me and left. Her friend never spoke to me again after that, I left to hang with my other friends and tell my closest friends what went down, and they were there for me, first time I ever came to my friends about personal issues, always kept to myself. Later that night I hopped onto the minecraft server to see they had both un added me on their friends list, so still not knowing what on earth went wrong, I left them long messages telling them that I hope their okay, sorry if I hurt them, how I truly felt to the girl I liked, and not a single reply. I guessed it was the end and had nothing to lose.

 

Wednesday and final day last week, both un added me on skype. I went to my mom about it for once, figured I couldn't stand being alone anymore. It's been one week today that I had lost them both, and the girl I was in love with who left me with no reason telling me why... it just happened. One second everything happy, next second everything ruined, I just don't know what had happened.

 

I know I over react, and probably did, but they'd be there for me and she'd remind me everything was okay but I couldn't just sit there and not do anything. I also could've assumed something was wrong, but why ignore me and talk happily to everyone else.... I was left begging again... what I truly loved and was important to me was on the line... and I feel left again. I could've trusted her with my life... I just don't understand. I couldn't stand there and not beg... I feel the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, my heart literally hurts. She was all I had I felt to make me feel happy, I know it might sound ignorant and stupid for me to feel that way, and I do know what I have in life and am appreciative of the good life that I have, maybe I'm too emotionally attached, all I really have been wanting is true love and someone who cares about me... and thinking about her, seeing her on the server, hurts so bad. I went back to hope for one final chance, to tell her sorry if I hurt her, to wish her the best and say final goodbye on Monday, still ignored. I don't know what to do... sorry for the long story and it probably sounds ridiculous but... it's the worst pain I've ever felt and I know I'll get over it and have much more in life to focus on and be happy about. Any advice would be appreciated thank you.

[Steven1]

I think it more or less just sounds like they just didn't want to speak to you anymore, to be blunt sadly. I would say that (this is certainly not a criticism or even anything wrong) that maybe you should try not to get to attached to people through online gaming especially as it can be a very weird line at times as people can often blow hot and cold with one another.

 

It sounds as though they didn't really have as much of an interest in speaking with you as you did with them and the best way they knew how to convey that was to ignore you etc which is often a classic for online especially through people who meet through games.

 

It may be best to do as they do, ignore and move on. I know it hurts believe me. I met my girlfriend online 7 years ago and we just recently broke up after she moved here. You just need to be careful with how you can become attached to people online as I said, I think if anything if you are going to speak to them and do want to get to know them, it may be best to go into it thinking that nothing else will come out of it apart from talking.

 

If online is more your thing, there are probably much better chat rooms etc where people (a bit like this place) actually read,listen, and care. I know many people who have started just innocently/randomly going onto a chat room, and they've actually made some great friends through it.

 

I met my girlfriend through Yahoo Answers when it was much different to what it is now. Several people from whom we all used to talk to most of the time are still very good friends to this day.

[LovelyJoey]

I just don't understand how we all became so close talking every day like best friends, to turning into not wanting a single thing to do with me out of no where, literally nothing went wrong :/ and they didn't tell me anything, she said she'd never leave. Also I'm sorry to hear that happened to you stay strong and it'll be okay to man, and yea you're probably right I should be more careful and not be so expectful, and true, maybe minecraft isn't the best place all things considered, just didn't make sense, she really cared about me she said, and I did with her. By the way I don't know if I mentioned it but what really only matters to me now is the 2nd girl I have a crush on, from the 2 girls who are best friends who just left me. I really gotta try to take a break from all this dating stuff for a while and focus on what I truly have, thank you.

[LovelyJoey]

However, since I suppose there's no going back, any advice on how to specifically get over it, things I can do that can help myself exponentially? I feel I keep trying to get a girlfriend and not give myself rest or time to recover like how when the first girl left me, I almost immediately found someone else. I got other life issues that need my attention and want to better myself now that I can, and make a better situation out of a horrible one, but in the mean time while I'm recovering, what should I do?

[LovelyJoey]

Also sorry for spam but where would I go for these "chat rooms" ??? Or did you just mean in general like forums and what not, and I do have good best friends online like guy friends who are there for me that I've known for years.

[Steven1]

Sorry for late reply!

 

As I said I think meeting people on online games can be a bit dubious if that makes sense? I think there's not really a stigma as such, but people can be a lot more 'different' for lack of a better word? I think that since they are both friends and they both decided to do this to you at the same time that as horrible as it sounds they probably seen it as something stupid/funny to do.

 

To be honest there's no 'easy' way to get over it. I think in general if you want to stop this from happening, you have to stop doing it. That's pretty much the only way. Now I'm not saying don't talk to people online/social media, far from it. But I think that you need to try and redirect how you think. I think that you develop/become attached to people in online games etc quite easily with the expectations that they may lead somewhere in the future, rather than just talking to people through games at face value. Think of it this way, you seen those youtube videos with how people talk to each other on Call Of Duty etc? That's more like online gaming chat with strangers these days. Again that's not to say STOP doing it, just don't go into a conversation thinking that it will lead to a relationship etc.

 

And just general chat rooms. It really depends what you are looking for. There is a one called chatforfree that my ex girlfriend used to go on sometimes. They have regular chat and video chat etc. I did a quick search and there is a one called Teenchat that has several different chat rooms on it, one's for teens, 20's, 30's and onwards etc.

[LovelyJoey]

It's okay but thank you, you're probably right, got to change my mindset on things and not be so expecting of things to go exactly how I'd hope them to be. I guess I've always been a bit too optimistic before I got hurt, or I just have high hopes. Either way you're right and I need time to heal for myself anyways. Thanks for the advice, and I see what you mean about chat rooms, but I've already got great friends online through gaming that I can rely on and known for years! But thank you very much makes me feel better dude!

[Steven1]

Another thought I had for advice for you, maybe. I don't know where you live etc obviously or the area, but I know that in many places there are games clubs for the likes of Minecraft etc that often have meet ups/clubs in person. I don't know if this would be an option for you if there is something near by?

[LovelyJoey]

Sorry for late reply, I live in U.S. anyway, and I see, never even knew of things like that existing, heh. Thank you though, don't think I'd plan to go somewhere like that, though it sounds nice. I mean right now, dating wise, I wouldn't want to try meeting new people right now, didn't give myself time to heal last time, now I will. Plus I have many great friends I've made that I've known for years through online currently!

[Steven1]

Wouldn't have to go to find potential dates etc if you didn't want, but could add it as an outside hobby to help to take your mind off things etc..., I'm pretty sure if anything they will have them in the US...if anything I'd guess more so over there...more variety..lol

[LovelyJoey]

Yeah I know, and you're right it could help take my mind off of things for the time being. True, over here probably a lot more variety given circumstances over here XD