ruby77 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Hi all, I am a single woman, have been for around 3 years now after a hard break up with my ex. I've always been ok with being single, or thought I was until recently when it has really started bothering me. I am the only single girl in my group of friends, all are in long term relationships or married with children. I never meet anyone, in friends groups they are always spoken for and never get chatted up when I'm out - ever! I'm not ugly, not stunning either but I don't know why men don't approach me. I have used tinder to no success and I guess I'm just starting to panic! I'm running out of options and getting left behind, how will I ever meet anyone? It will get harder the older I get surely? Looking for some words of wisdom here as currently feeling pretty low....thanks 1
jcromp Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 OK, first off, don't panic. It's 2016 and 30 is hardly considered "old" to be single. I understand that when all of your friends are paired up, it doesn't lend itself well to meeting eligible men. I've been married a long time, so I've never tried online dating myself, but from what I've heard, Tinder isn't the best place to do so if you're looking for an actual relationship. Have you tried Match.com or eharmony? I think those are the ones that actually match you up with people based on your personality profile and what you're looking for in a relationship. I think most single people these days use online dating as a way to meet people, so give it a shot. The other way to meet people outside your friend group would be to get involved in the community more. Try hobby groups or a bowling league, or even church, if you're so inclined. Or volunteering. Basically, you've got to get yourself out there. And please don't feel like you're getting left behind. It's getting more and more common for people to get married for the first time after 30. 1
Satu Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Start to expand your social circle beyond your current group. If everyone is spoken for, there's nobody there for you. Have you tried meeting people through shared interests? There are clubs and societies you could join for just about anything you could think of. The beauty of meeting people in that setting, is that you've got something to talk about right away. Expand your circle. Take care. 1
SwordofFlame Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Hi all, I am a single woman, have been for around 3 years now after a hard break up with my ex. I've always been ok with being single, or thought I was until recently when it has really started bothering me. I am the only single girl in my group of friends, all are in long term relationships or married with children. I never meet anyone, in friends groups they are always spoken for and never get chatted up when I'm out - ever! I'm not ugly, not stunning either but I don't know why men don't approach me. I have used tinder to no success and I guess I'm just starting to panic! I'm running out of options and getting left behind, how will I ever meet anyone? It will get harder the older I get surely? Looking for some words of wisdom here as currently feeling pretty low....thanks I hate to sound harsh, but if you're not having any luck on Tinder, you're probably not physically attractive enough to attract the guys that you're interested in.
hasaquestion Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Hi all, I am a single woman, have been for around 3 years now after a hard break up with my ex. I've always been ok with being single, or thought I was until recently when it has really started bothering me. I am the only single girl in my group of friends, all are in long term relationships or married with children. I never meet anyone, in friends groups they are always spoken for and never get chatted up when I'm out - ever! I'm not ugly, not stunning either but I don't know why men don't approach me. I have used tinder to no success and I guess I'm just starting to panic! I'm running out of options and getting left behind, how will I ever meet anyone? It will get harder the older I get surely? Looking for some words of wisdom here as currently feeling pretty low....thanks Two questions: 1. Can you elaborate on not having any success with Tinder? Was it that you weren't finding matches? or were people sending you sleazy messages? 2. Would you consider yourself bubbly at all or are you more of a stoic kind of person? When you go out with your friends do you dance and talk to strangers or is it more of a "waiting for someone to come to you" approach?
JustGettingBy Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I hate to sound harsh, but if you're not having any luck on Tinder, you're probably not physically attractive enough to attract the guys that you're interested in. Or maybe she hasn't found anyone she likes. Or maybe the angle/lighting in her picture sucks. One photo doesn't give nearly enough info to accurately gauge someone's attractiveness. 2
preraph Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Spend less time online and more time out in public. Take up any sport hobbies you were ever the least bit drawn to, no matter what it is and make a plan every week to go do something you like to do, whether it's the zoo, a museum. Do all the stuff you enjoy, because that's your best shot at finding someone compatible. Take lessons of some sort: Golf, bowling, anything guys would be doing, sharpshooting. Join any group activities you can find, meetups for your interests, not just dating ones. Take a night class. Just get yourself out there. Good luck. Get a dog and go to the dog park. Lots of guys out there, and your dog will sniff their dog and do all the work for you. Just follow your dog around. Plus if all else fails, you'll have a good faithful dog to love you. 1
ZA Dater Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Spend less time online and more time out in public. Take up any sport hobbies you were ever the least bit drawn to, no matter what it is and make a plan every week to go do something you like to do, whether it's the zoo, a museum. Do all the stuff you enjoy, because that's your best shot at finding someone compatible. Take lessons of some sort: Golf, bowling, anything guys would be doing, sharpshooting. Join any group activities you can find, meetups for your interests, not just dating ones. Take a night class. Just get yourself out there. Good luck. Get a dog and go to the dog park. Lots of guys out there, and your dog will sniff their dog and do all the work for you. Just follow your dog around. Plus if all else fails, you'll have a good faithful dog to love you. Very patronizing and clichéd. I think forget tinder and maybe try an alternative site. Tinder is highly superficial.
preraph Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 (edited) Very patronizing and clichéd. Right back at you. Hit a nerve? Try to remember that just because you won't take the advice you ask for doesn't mean someone else won't try to help themselves. Edited March 31, 2016 by preraph 4
hasaquestion Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Spend less time online and more time out in public. Take up any sport hobbies you were ever the least bit drawn to, no matter what it is and make a plan every week to go do something you like to do, whether it's the zoo, a museum. Do all the stuff you enjoy, because that's your best shot at finding someone compatible. Take lessons of some sort: Golf, bowling, anything guys would be doing, sharpshooting. Join any group activities you can find, meetups for your interests, not just dating ones. Take a night class. Just get yourself out there. Good luck. Get a dog and go to the dog park. Lots of guys out there, and your dog will sniff their dog and do all the work for you. Just follow your dog around. Plus if all else fails, you'll have a good faithful dog to love you. This is pretty much what i was thinking. The OP describes wanting to be approached while out with your friends. But the guy she's looking for isn't going to do that. I've seen this with girl friends. Being a certain combination of quiet, proper, and 'not ugly but not stunning either' makes you feel invisible quickly in a nightlife setting. If you want to meet a 'cute and awkward' kinda guy you need to find him in his natural environment. He's not gonna walk up to a circle of you and your friends at a bar in tube dresses to talk to you. 3
Author ruby77 Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 Two questions: 1. Can you elaborate on not having any success with Tinder? Was it that you weren't finding matches? or were people sending you sleazy messages? 2. Would you consider yourself bubbly at all or are you more of a stoic kind of person? When you go out with your friends do you dance and talk to strangers or is it more of a "waiting for someone to come to you" approach? I get lots of matches on tinder but yes, sleazy messages or the chat doesn't flow or one of us just stops messaging because its not going anywhere. No, I an lm not bubbly and outgoing. I can be when with people who know me very well and my friends would say I'm funny but I definitely don't approach men. I just don't have the confidence to do that unfortunately.
Author ruby77 Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 Thank you for all of the other comments. I do try to go out a lot, say yes to a lot of thongs especially if it involves friends of friends who I don't know so that I can meet new people but everyone new I meet is taken. Literally everyone! That's why I am panicking that I have missed my shot I guess. I appreciate tinder isn't the best method but I used that as a starting point. I'm not very confident dating either, probably doesn't help. I will look into hobbies or taking a class of some kind. 3
preraph Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 You haven't missed your shot. You're still quite young. You're just getting your feet back under you, that's all. Look at it this way, if you're making sure you're going and doing things you enjoy, even if it's solo, at least you're having some fun while looking. Don't hole up and wait is all I'm saying. Life is out there for th taking. Go and live. 1
jcromp Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Are you open to your friends setting you up on dates? Most people love to play matchmaker, especially women. I know these dates can be awkward, but as long as they're not people you'll run into, it's no biggie if it doesn't work out. Think people your friends work with, etc. Also, I really would suggest some better dating sites. I've heard that Tinder is more of a hookup type site. And definitely get yourself out there with hobbies and classes. If you're shy, try something like a book club first just to break the ice for you. And maybe try something that there will be lots of men at like golfing lessons (even if you're not into golf, necessarily). You never know what you might enjoy when you try it.
redbaron007 Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 Thank you for all of the other comments. I do try to go out a lot, say yes to a lot of thongs especially if it involves friends of friends who I don't know so that I can meet new people but everyone new I meet is taken. Literally everyone! That's why I am panicking that I have missed my shot I guess. I appreciate tinder isn't the best method but I used that as a starting point. I'm not very confident dating either, probably doesn't help. I will look into hobbies or taking a class of some kind. If I see you in a cafe sitting by yourself, or at the bachata class I take, or at the gym I frequent, I will approach you to start a conversation...guaranteed. Now that I'm comfortable approaching women in public places in broad daylight, I still don't approach women who are in a group because it is difficult for a strange guy to immediately inject himself into a group of strangers, then socialize with everyone, then zero in on you and gauge your interest, then get your number and extricate himself. At 30, you are still very young and you have absolutely no need to panic. Do take up hobbies, foreign language classes, dance, gym, local meetups, etc. Guys like me (okay, younger ones!) will definitely approach you and talk to you. I'm on the other side of 40, a man AND a minority, so you can read my thread and imagine my plight.:roll eyes:
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