Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Probably or probably not. I doubt he's that hurt, but I do know his demeanor towards me changed after I indirectly rejected him. I guess my real question is giving him a note in the gym an okay move, or too teenager like? Like I said, it's a busy gym and very hard to flirt there. I'm too shy to strike a conversation to someone I'm attracted to, but not shy if he initiates the conversation, which at this point, he will won't do anymore. If he's so hot then he'll have many, many options. The question you need to ask yourself is are you hot enough that he will want to settle for you?
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 Also, I don't get the notion that women don't like to be approached at the gym. I really don't care where I'm approached if I find him attractive.
SwordofFlame Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Also, I don't get the notion that women don't like to be approached at the gym. I really don't care where I'm approached if I find him attractive. Of course, if you're interested in him. But you really wouldn't mind if the big sweaty guys who you're NOT into try to chat you up while you're running or doing a set?
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 If he's so hot then he'll have many, many options. The question you need to ask yourself is are you hot enough that he will want to settle for you? Well, that's the risk we all take, don't you think? I mean, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason. Why are you so concerned about the hotness factor? I know I mentioned he's hot and I must be hot enough to attract him, but hot people are just like other people. We get to know each other and see if we're compatible or not. If we're not, we move on. 2
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Well, that's the risk we all take, don't you think? I mean, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason. Why are you so concerned about the hotness factor? I know I mentioned he's hot and I must be hot enough to attract him, but hot people are just like other people. We get to know each other and see if we're compatible or not. If we're not, we move on. My guess is he'll doink you once and dump you.
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 Of course, if you're interested in him. But you really wouldn't mind if the big sweaty guys who you're NOT into try to chat you up while you're running or doing a set? Of course not, but I just think the gym is just like any other place like the grocery store. It's not off limits like so many claim it to be. You're not really looking, but you're open to meeting someone there.
despgirl Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Where did I say it was any different? Have I advocated that anywhere? So, what's wrong with what OP is doing? Or maybe you never pick up women in bars yourself? Good for you then - many people do that and nothing wrong with it.
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Well, that's the risk we all take, don't you think? I mean, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason. Why are you so concerned about the hotness factor? I know I mentioned he's hot and I must be hot enough to attract him, but hot people are just like other people. We get to know each other and see if we're compatible or not. If we're not, we move on. You dont know he's attracted to you. He may have just been staring at your rack. Or you may look uncannily like his Mother. 1
despgirl Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I think men manage to hit it in one night, not play passive/aggressive games and spend two months building a scenario in their heads. Two months = 60 hits. I guess you could say men are more efficient! McCoy was blaming the OP for being superficial. I thought that was quite double standard, seeing how superficial most men are, that's it.
MidwestUSA Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 You dont know he's attracted to you. He may have just been staring at your rack. Or you may look uncannily like his Mother. Reverse the situation. If it was the guy who suddenly gave the impression of losing interest, what would we be telling him? You blew it dude, she thinks you're a creep.
mikeylo Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 My best guess : close up look = lost attraction ( sweat , unkempt hair etc), no offense. Some other hottie got his attention. Once you reject someone, it's hard for them to believe that you really want them. 1
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 You dont know he's attracted to you. He may have just been staring at your rack. Or you may look uncannily like his Mother. Trust me, I have asked myself why this guy has looked at me as much as he did. He would even go into a corner and stare at me from there and think I can't see him (thanks to mirrors). Finally, when he sort of stopped (after my unintended rejection) is when I finally started to realize that perhaps he was really interested in me.
SwordofFlame Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I don't see what your problem is. You're blaming me for going to the gym to do my own thing, but somehow you think I'm a bimbo if I catch someone's attention. This is gonna hurt, but I'm sorry if you've never gotten this kind of attention before from the opposite sex. In the gym, most guys stare (myself included) if an attractive woman comes into our area. It doesn't necessarily mean he's interested in you. The only way to know for sure is to go initiate conversation yourself. Odds are, if you don't, nothing will ever happen. 1
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 (edited) In the gym, most guys stare (myself included) if an attractive woman comes into our area. It doesn't necessarily mean he's interested in you. The only way to know for sure is to go initiate conversation yourself. Odds are, if you don't, nothing will ever happen. And this is normal. I mean it works the same for women as well. I see lots of attractive men. I'll glance over and think to myself, oh, he's good looking, but it doesn't mean I'm interested. Seeing attractive people at the gym just makes me want to work harder just like seeing a fitness model on a fitness magazine. I know the difference when someone is just checking me out because I'm new, kind of hot, or whatever, and when someone may be interested. That is why this one took over two months and still counting. The looks he gives me and his behavior is much different from all the other guys. And I don't know for sure he's interested. That's why one of us needs to talk to each other, but like I stated in my OP, I think I ruined his chance of doing this, and now I'm thinking of ways to do the initial approach myself. Edited March 31, 2016 by fosterrd
jen1447 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I guess my real question is giving him a note in the gym an okay move, or too teenager like? Like I said, it's a busy gym and very hard to flirt there. I'm too shy to strike a conversation to someone I'm attracted to, but not shy if he initiates the conversation, which at this point, he will won't do anymore. I wouldn't do the note, seems juvenile. Just walk up to him and have a conversation like an adult. btw I think what happened is what others have alluded to - you appeared to shut him down by walking away that time. Can't really blame him for taking that as a no, but if you still see him peeping you once in a while it likely means he does like you. So having the conversation won't exactly be risky. Enough analyzing, just go do it. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 So instead of talking to you, the guy continues to play the staring game for a few months?! I mean I can see holding intense eye contact for a few encounters just to be sure. But being afraid to approach you for a few months makes him seem like kind of a p**sy TBH. I mean I know you find him physically attractive. But would you realistically want to date a guy that lacks confidence/common sense? Just saying..
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 So instead of talking to you, the guy continues to play the staring game for a few months?! I mean I can see holding intense eye contact for a few encounters just to be sure. But being afraid to approach you for a few months makes him seem like kind of a p**sy TBH. I mean I know you find him physically attractive. But would you realistically want to date a guy that lacks confidence/common sense? Just saying.. Honestly, if I didn't find him attractive, the stares he gives me would come off as almost creepy. That's part of the reason why he makes me feel so uncomfortable. His stares are just so intense and long that they make me feel uncomfortable at times. It's the gym, so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. It's not easy approaching someone that you're attracted to. I have no problem talking to someone I'm not attracted to, so perhaps he's like that too. I'm going to approach him one way or the other soon and see where it goes. I hope he is not disappointing when I actually speak to him. I like your avatar BTW. Love my squats and deadlifts.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I like your avatar BTW. Love my squats and deadlifts. Good that you're not a cardio bunny. All of my female clients are very familiar with free weights and compound exercises. As I said before, I get waiting it out a little bit. Especially in a gym because pick up there is a bit of a social taboo these days. However, when you get intense eye contact held for extended periods of time multiple times, that's a different story. When the iron is hot, you strike. Now obviously I'm not a woman. But from all my experience with them, confidence is a major source of attraction. So if all a guy can do is stare for months at a time, and not even be bold enough just to walk over and say hello, his social skills will probably be lacking.
ilovemefirst Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Since you see him so often, why don't u just smile and say hi while passing him? That may encourage him to come and talk to you.
Mccoy321 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 No, I equate self-esteem with being comfortable with how you look and not having a need to put other people down because THEY are attracted to hot people. That's a very narrow definition. I don't think the OED will be adopting it.
mikeylo Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 OP, you are not reading the writing on the wall. You rejected him. He is moving on. You are missing his attention and the ego boost you got from it. It's easy to ruin than to make up.
hippychick3 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Good that you're not a cardio bunny. All of my female clients are very familiar with free weights and compound exercises. As I said before, I get waiting it out a little bit. Especially in a gym because pick up there is a bit of a social taboo these days. However, when you get intense eye contact held for extended periods of time multiple times, that's a different story. When the iron is hot, you strike. Now obviously I'm not a woman. But from all my experience with them, confidence is a major source of attraction. So if all a guy can do is stare for months at a time, and not even be bold enough just to walk over and say hello, his social skills will probably be lacking. Or he already has a girlfriend/dating someone else. That's a very likely reason he hasn't actually directly approached the OP. 1
Author fosterrd Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 OP, you are not reading the writing on the wall. You rejected him. He is moving on. You are missing his attention and the ego boost you got from it. It's easy to ruin than to make up. It was just a misunderstanding. When he came to the machine next to me, I hurried up my last set to see where he had gone. He probably saw me looking around for him, and that's when he jumped right in front of me. Then when he did that, I got nervous and left. I miss his attention, but I really was/am interested in him as well. I made up my mind that I'm going to approach him regardless of the consequences. I rather get rejected than live with regrets, especially this one since I know I was a fault. Besides, last time I saw him, he was still stealing glances at me. Before he made it known and didn't care if I caught him looking at me. I kind of expect things not to go well, but I'm just going to do it. Last two guys I approached (because I got tired of waiting for them), they were attached, but I was able to move on once I did it. They did the same thing as this guy - eye flirting but with less intense stares and coming around me all the time. Why do attached people do this?? I will report my broken heart in the next few weeks.
Author fosterrd Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 Or he already has a girlfriend/dating someone else. That's a very likely reason he hasn't actually directly approached the OP. Likely, but perhaps he thinks that about me as well since I indirectly rejected him. I will find out soon for sure even if it causes me to change my gym schedule, which is okay with me because he is a bit of distraction when I'm trying to work out.
mikeylo Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I guess you are making a mountain out of a molehill. He has distanced himself already from you. Soon you both will get over about the ' what could have been ' and his stealing glances will soon be over and turn into indifference. You too will go through the same. It's not that you both had a relationship and a misunderstanding has caused a break up. It was just a little bit of gym flirting! Since he has distanced himself,you also stay away and soon he will be like all those regulars. No biggie ! 1
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