Piperwarrior Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) Hi, Newbie here and i need some advice. I am finding myself torn between two girls and Its making my life a misery. A little brief on what's happened. I split up with my ex partner after an 8 year relationship and got chatting to a girl at a local gymnasium. We got very friendly and soon ended up having sex. The attraction was pure sexual at this point and due to her age and my recent breakup I didn't want anything more. Secondly I have always wanted to immigrate to America ever since I can remember, I'm passionate about doing this and therefore I did not want anything more with this girl than causal sex, she seemed happy with that at the time also and would talk to other guys, often asking me for advice with them. A few months later I was to go on holiday to the states and whilst there I met an American girl who really took my breath away. We ended up spending the entire week together and pretty quick got feelings for each other, she's beautiful, extremely smart, extremely loyal. We was really into each other and kept in touch but the distance, her uni studies, a lurking abusive ex and issues with my ex made things difficult and eventually we lost touch for some time. Anyway I continued to see my english gym friend and we ended up having sex very often and 'accidently' developed quite a friendship. Still nothing more than sex tho, wine, takeaway and DVD etc - as I still stick to my dream of moving to the USA; however we was spending as much time together than one would consider 'healthy' given it was to go nowhere. Anyway, cut long story short, some 7 months later the American girl got back in touch with me, now finished uni, cut Contact with ex relations and wants to come to England to see me... Tbh I had thought about this girl for months, I may have even stalked in anyway I could for ages trying to figure out how she is. I missed her dearly and with her sudden request I jumped at the opportunity and said yes! This is when things got difficult. I told the English girl that we have to stop, that I have a girl from USA who I really like and is coming over and with that she broke down in tears and confessed her love for me. I felt ****! We had been having causal hookups and good friendship for over a year now and I guess I just denied the possibility of her growing feelings as I was blinded by the amazing sex and company that I needed from ending such a long relationship with my ex. Guess she was my rebound. So the American girl came over and now we're in a long distance relationship. Have been for a few months and she is is crazy about me, so much so she is willing to go to extreme lengths to enable me to legally live with her in USA - my dream! I am still really in to her also. However, the gym girl and I still talk, I'm so used to having her around that I simply cannot block her out, we have both tried blocking all communication with each other but one of us always folds, we have not had sex since I got into a relationship but I am finding myself missing her greatly - sex and company. She has now been chatting to every guy who pays her attention in reaction to me breaking her heart and I have to be honest, it's filling me with jealously and rage. I feel like I don't want her to have anyone else, I guess I have developed some real strong feelings for her too without realising myself. Problem is, the English girl is too Young, has a lot of growing up to do and still undecided on her career etc (ambition means a lot to me) and I feel if I got with her then eventually I'll regret it and make her miserable as I'd be sacrificing my USA dream and be stuck in the same. Country / job that I really don't like. I'm also worried about all the guys she messages, she swears she would stop if she was with me but I have a sense of miss trust in her already. But I feel love for this girl, she's on my mind every day and we get along great together. Sex on its own was incredible. The American girl however, I spent a year chasing, I lost sleep thinking about her, she is an incredible woman, highly qualified, career driven, not interested in money or materialistic items like most of my ex's have been, she wants me to move to a part of America that I have always drempt of living in. She's loyal and 100% in love with me, perfect girlfriend and I really do think she's amazing. The issue is I have not had the chance yet to build the friendship that I have built with the English girl due to the distance. I could say I'm equally in love with both girls, I'm scared I have to sacrifice what I have with the English girl to give my dream and the American girl a Chance or I'll sacrifice the American girl, who is possibly the most loyal loving girlfriend one could ever ask for plus my American dream for a relationship in England with a girl who's too young and I'll ultimately end up depressed that I let my dream go.. I don't know what to do.. I feel like I want them both tbh. Btw. I'm 30. English girl is 21 and the American girl 25. Paul. Edited March 30, 2016 by Piperwarrior
almond Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 You're 30 - that's more than old enough to know that trying to have your cake and eat it too is bound to end up in disaster. Choose one before you lose them both. You've been with the English girl for over a year now, and haven't wanted anything more. You're using her for sex and company. Let her go. The American girl...well, you've just committed to a relationship with her and you just now decide that you are attached to your 21 yr old FWB and don't want to lose her. I think you need some more time alone to be honest. 1
O'Malley Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Accept that your relationship with the gym girl/fwb is over and done. It's normal to miss the attention that you were receiving from her, but you know that you'll never reciprocate her feelings. It sounds like some of your feelings towards the American girl are wrapped up in your own hopes and expectations, moving to the states and making a better life for yourself. She might be a great person and a serious relationship could still develop, but you two haven't spent enough time together to be making significant commitments. If you have the means and desire to relocate than you should go for it, but it's not a good idea to get married or move in with her as a means of relocating to the U.S.
Toodaloo Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Why do you have to have a girlfriend to move to the US? You could always get off your backside and go. At 30 you are a big boy now so get on with it. Neither of these girls are right for you and you certainly are not treating them very well. You have a dream go get your dream then see what happens.
Author Piperwarrior Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 I think I was just taken by surprise when the English girl spilled her heart to me as I really was not expecting it, It then got my brain ticking, I had been chasing the girl in USA for so long and all this time I had been leading the English girl on, I felt terrible. But tbh I just feel a whole load of guilt as now I finally have the American girl, which I truely do love too bits,but I can't stop thinking about how upset the English girl is and that leads to an anxiety and memories of the crazy stuff we've done together. It feels like I'm having to choose between my absolute best friend and the girl I've wanted for over a year who also offers to make my dream a reality. And no, you cannot move to USA without either being incredibly skilled (neurosurgeon, astronaut etc), have relative citizens there or have $1m to invest. The only 'other' way is to marry a us citizen. It's a **** system tbh.
Recommended Posts