Is asking for a change of venue a capital offense?

[Coup La-La]

I met this girl on a dating site who lives on the other side of the world. We've been speaking 2x a day for 7 months and decided to meet in a the middle East. When my grandmother heard that I was going there she had a minor anxiety attack and had to take a Valium, thinking that I will be kidnapped and decapitated by ISIS.

 

After that I called this girl and said "My grandmother is very upset about all this, and I don't want to make her worse, how about I reimburse you for the cost of your plane ticket AND I'll buy you a ticket to whatever other place you want to meet in. But if you have your heart set on our original plan I'll stick with it, the decision is yours"

 

She was FURIOUS! accusing me of being indifferent to how she feels, and questioning if we should meet at all. "We already made plans", and since then she's been saying "do you think we can really go back to the way things were before"

 

Am I wrong for just asking the question?

[RecentChange]

What is your end goal here? Are you planning to move tonher country? Will she be moving to yours?

 

And I think you are realizing that "online" you don't really get to know the whole person.

 

When I hear change of venue, I think a different bar not a different country.

[salparadise]

But if you have your heart set on our original plan I'll stick with it, the decision is yours"

 

She was FURIOUS!

 

Oh man, you've gotten yourself into a mess. Any reasonable person would just say no, I prefer we stay with the plan. You did give her that option. But she goes bonkers at the mere suggestion. AND accuses you of not considering her feelings! Is that the kind of person you'd travel half-way around the world for? What happens the next time you suggest something... and the time after that? This is what your life will be if you subscribe to her program.

 

And the second point, which seems obvious to those who've been around the block a time or two, don't get invested with someone on the other side of the world! There's a damn good chance that there is someone in your hemisphere that you'd like just as well... maybe even someone who'd consider your feelings too. Think in terms of a 30 minute drive max, and your life will be completely different.

[carhill]

Presuming you've authenticated this person and their 'airplane ticket', I'd just let it play out without adding any more fuel, make your own decision about your destination and, as I learned many years ago when dating and having international relationships, visit sooner rather than later and keep things simple. If you like the lady, go visit her in her home country.

 

How far into the future is this prospective trip?

[normal person]

Oh man, you've gotten yourself into a mess. Any reasonable person would just say no, I prefer we stay with the plan.

 

To be fair, most reasonable people would say, "Y'know, this is a little much, maybe I should just stick to people on this continent."

 

You did give her that option. But she goes bonkers at the mere suggestion. AND accuses you of not considering her feelings! Is that the kind of person you'd travel half-way around the world for? What happens the next time you suggest something... and the time after that? This is what your life will be if you subscribe to her program.

 

And the second point, which seems obvious to those who've been around the block a time or two, don't get invested with someone on the other side of the world! There's a damn good chance that there is someone in your hemisphere that you'd like just as well... maybe even someone who'd consider your feelings too. Think in terms of a 30 minute drive max, and your life will be completely different.

 

Agree. OP, I don't know why you're putting yourself through this. Any logistical issue is going to amplify itself exponentially. Imagine if you were going to meet a girl who lives near you, and you have to say "it turns out that the restaurant's closed, we have to go to one on the other side of town." What's a reasonable reaction to that? Maybe some minor annoyance at most? But here you've put yourself in a situation where not only are you traveling thousands of miles to meet someone (why people do this, I'll never know) who you're now finding out isn't so reasonable, but you have to deal with all that backlash multiplied by the poor pragmatics of the whole thing.

 

I think it's a bad idea because one, she lives thousands of miles away, and two, because she seems unreasonable even commensurate to this already incredibly unreasonable arrangement. What's so wrong with the girls in your own city?

[Yogagirl565]

Where in the Middle East would you be meeting her? There are many safe places. I am a single female and travel alone frequently, my last trip was in the Middle East. Great people amazing food! I wouldn't hesitate to go back.