brittneyfoster Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 He and I broke up about three weeks ago. Now I am both pregnant and alone. I would really appreciate some MALE feedback on how they would have felt in his shoes. Please message me and help!
Steven1 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 What was the circumstances to your break up? Even if I had been in a relationship with someone, broke up, and found out they were pregnant, it would depend on the scenario. I would always be there for the child no question...but that doesn't mean I could get back with the person... would need more details on what happened. 1
Woon Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I agree with steven1. My parent got married because of my brother. So did my cousins parents. Both couples had terrible drawn out marriages. 2
Author brittneyfoster Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 The first time that we broke up was because I was going on a Spring Break type of vacation that I had planned and paid for before I ever met him. He dumped me at the mere thought of me being around black men and drinking and partying for six days because all of his exes cheated on him with black guys, and he would not sit by while I did the same thing...although I have never lied or cheated on him at all. He broke up with me, blocked me, and didn't want anything to do with me even though I promised to cancel the trip and invited him to come with me. It wasn't good enough. He was just angry. Anyway, I knew my period was late but never told him but was freaking out at the breakup. I begged him to come over and talk. He came over but still couldn't tell him. Finally fessed up a day later that I was frantic because I knew my period was late and I was scared of everything. He tells me to take the pregnancy test. I went out and took it. It was positive. He immediately goes and starts saying "We are going to be together. We are getting married. We are going to buy the house together." and it seemed too much too soon. I told him that a baby did not mean we had to jump right back into being together or getting married or buying a house. The same issues he had before were the same issues we would have with a baby. He kept pressing marriage and a baby. A few days later, I started spotting and bleeding, and I told him what was going on. Then he tells me a day later that he wants me to go to the doctor. I told him that I didn't think right now was the best time because we are still undecided on what to do with the baby and the relationship. I agreed to go once we decided if we would keep the baby. I have a child already and told him that the bleeding is normal and that it happened with my daughter...it's called implantation bleeding. To be honest, I wanted the pregnancy to go away because I had a million fears running through my mind but he seemed to keep forcing it and also not giving me room to breathe to be scared and to think. A couple of days later, I took him out for his birthday. He was acting normal, and we had a nice time. I needed that. I had been stressed and depressed the days before because he kept arguing over everything regarding the baby and then forcing the marriage/moving in issue. We get home and get in the bed(around midnight) and he says "promise me youll do something" and keeps asking. I say "I cant promise to do something and I don't know what it is" and he says "I bought a pregnancy test. Go in the bathroom and take it" and I said "Well, ok. This is random. Where is this coming from?" and he says "Tests are faulty". So I ask again, "This is coming from something else. Why would you go and buy it alone? Why not ask to take another one together?" and he was like "You didnt want to go to the doctor. I called people and they said if you dont take this test or go to the doctor then you're lying" and I said "Wow. After everything, you are still doing this to me? I have never lied to you about anything but have told you the truth about EVERY SINGLE thing. Yet week after week I am always being attacked for lying about things when I have never lied in this relationship. You just don't trust anyone. Then you go and get advice from your friends and tell them our business? It has literally only been THREE days and you went and told the whole world about it. Your friends don't know anything about me or know me at all. We don't even know what we are going to do yet." and then he starts yelling and screaming at me and I tell him "I am going to lie down in the other room and allow you to cool off." Then he's still arguing with me and yelling. He tries to call one of his friends in front of me. And I am like "What are you doing?" and hes like "I am calling my friends. Anyone in my shoes would feel how I feel right now!!" and that is when I told him that he needed to leave my house. After he leaves, he continues to call and fight with me and I told him "I was really angry and felt really humiliated, but you are right. You deserve to know, but I have been pregnant before and was never asked to do this before...so I was humiliated at first. Come back on Monday night and I will take the test." He keeps fighting with me and telling me that if I don't take the test that night that he is not dealing with me anymore. I said that is fine...I am tired of always proving myself. If you can't wait until Monday night when cooler heads prevail, then fine. Also I kept stressing to him that once I took the pregnancy test that I was done dealing with him because he added too much drama and stress than I could handle at this time. He kept begging me, but I told him no and I also said I am tired of being disrespected and every time he and I have an issue...he runs to his friends and tells them our business and takes their input over mine. I even went out and bought a digital pregnancy test since he was acting so weird about it. I told him "When you come back on Monday, I have a digital pregnancy test that breaks it down VERY simple for us...says PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. Then he just got really mad that I bought the digital test and said he was done with me because I enjoy complicating simple things and he doesnt need it in his life. Call him when he has to pay child support. I said "ok. That's fine. Don't bother with me then. I don't want child support. I just want you gone." I have an abortion planned on Friday but I think that it is not fair that he hasn't been there or helped at all and I don't feel bad about telling him to leave me alone because if he can't step up to the plate and help me and the baby without arguing or adding additional stress...then it was best he leave. 1
Steven1 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I'd stay well clear of him if I'm honest. I think through POSSIBLY no fault of his own (I say possibly as I have no idea how he was in previous relationships) the times he has been cheated on has understandably and sadly left him paranoid and unable to trust. That's something that is very hard to regain if you have been cheated on once, never mind multiple times. And that is something that is clearly showing from what you are saying. You could be the most honest,faithful person in the world, and he still won't believe you due to his past, and will argue with you until it's black and white infront of him, and even then he may have doubts. The abortion is up to you, I don't think any of us here (minus those who have gone through similar obviously) can really advise you on that, as you know if you are in the right environment, financially and everything to be able to bring up another child. Just make sure that before you go, that it is 100% certain your final decision. Even when you get there they will ask if you want to continue, you definitely need to have a long hard think about that. As I said though, I would expect very little from him. Even if you keep the baby, and get back with him, I have very little doubt that due to his trust issues, he will bring up a convo in the future asking if the baby is even his. Could be wrong but I definitely wouldn't rule that out due to his trust issues. He needs time on his own to work through his issues before being anywhere near a relationship again. And you have more than enough going on right now that I would equally suggest you do not get back into a relatonship with him at this moment in time, and you full concentrate on yourself, your child, and if you are sure you are making the right decision with the baby.
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