faithfully Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 hi guys, been single for nearly 3 years and turning 30 in 6months. I've travelled quite abit, holidays here and there, got a great job, home, car, I'm stable in life. ive decided to get back in the dating life and I'm on a few dating sites online (3) to see what there is out there. now the problem I have is and want to know at what point do I give out my contact number?? after a few messages?? a week?? few weeks?? a few days?? and when I do give my number after chatting to these guys, they start trying to sext me or make sexual remarks that I cant stand or make me cringe and by then its too late as they have my number so rather than give my number, would you say email address is better?? bare in mind I tell these men I don't want casual that I am after a relationship I don't like giving my number to guys after a few messages or within that day of talking to them, I don't have kik, snapchat anymore, should I download it then that way they haven't got my contact number if they start acting like a dick? I don't know what to do?
Zippy2000 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 That's a hard question to answer as everyone is different. I tend to message over a week or two weeks on a dating site first. If there are no red flags and the conversation flows or matures. I d goven out my number but let them work for it. Generally let them ask questions about you to show theyre interested. I say this as I ve had a few women who have asked nothing about me and ver time I was right. They werent interested but just interested in attention. 1
Larryville Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I tend to message over a week or two weeks on a dating site first. Good point, don’t know why many don’t follow this rule. I hear so many say they want to hurry up to meet because they feel like they waste time doing this, but I feel if you have vetted people properly you save anguish down the line. Generally let them ask questions about you Another great point… this applies to both men and women if the person you are chatting with does not ask relevant, honest engaging questions… They werent interested but just interested in attention. The first point helps you learn communication style and if they have any measure of intelligence.
smudge21 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 There are no rules, just go with what you feel at the time. If that turns out to be loads of genital pics after a few days, then you can block the number. It's not like you're giving out your personal details, like location, family, friends, places you like to go, food you eat, when you're home alone, when you're away and your list of fears - people do all that when they add others on social media instead! Just prepare yourself for a few odd balls, not just because you're in the UK, but also because you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a nicer frog...
salparadise Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 If I were you (I'm a guy- different perspective) I'd wait until they're vetted before giving my number. Certainly not based on having exchanged a few messages on a dating site, and I wouldn't be talking to them for weeks before meeting either. Anyone can keep up a facade that way. Obviously Zippy has a different opinion. My suggestion would be message for a day or two and arrange to meet in person for coffee or a drink. If the in-person meeting goes well and you want to see them again give them your number. If not, don't. Kik could be used effectively as an alternative, but it's still just messaging. Why not just stick with the dating site messaging feature? If you do give someone your number and you need to get rid of them, block them. This is easy on current smartphones. Alternatively, you could sign up for google voice and get an alternate number, which I'm pretty sure has robust filtering. Then at some point you can just drop that service or change numbers. The only thing I wouldn't do is give my primary number to a bunch of guys who you don't know... unless you like to receive lots of junk photos.
truth_seeker Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 when I do give my number after chatting to these guys, they start trying to sext me or make sexual remarks that I cant stand or make me cringe and by then its too late as they have my number so rather than give my number, would you say email address is better?? Guys just openly send crude sexual remarks, d-ck pics, to women they barely know? Don't they realize these woman could turn around and post all of it online and ruin their lives?
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I agree. There aren't any hard and fast rules when it comes to giving out phone numbers. You have to go with you gut regarding each man individually. Personally, I always prefer to use Kik until I feel super comfortable with someone at which point I'll give out my phone number. Kik doesn't disclose your personal info and you can block anyone who gets out of control or inappropriate. All other forms are just a waste of time in my opinion unless you're an ego maniac desperately seeking approval and attention from strangers. Good luck!
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Guys just openly send crude sexual remarks, d-ck pics, to women they barely know? Don't they realize these woman could turn around and post all of it online and ruin their lives? No lives would be ruined if all you see is a random d*ck. Can't prove anything with just a c*ck pic. You have to be pretty stupid to include your face in those kinds of pics. Same goes for women who flash their bits and pieces. You gotta know how to play the game
Larryville Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Not to get off track but related... my quick PSA… especially for women… I would highly recommend anyone dating to have the “White Pages Caller ID” app on their phone. While not just simply a caller ID app will list the origin of the caller AND the address where the phone is registered. Helps guard against unsavory characters, scammers and other con artists do catfishing and people posting fake profiles. When I was on Match a while back this app helped me weed out a couple of fake profile types. 1
truth_seeker Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 No lives would be ruined if all you see is a random d*ck. Can't prove anything with just a c*ck pic. You have to be pretty stupid to include your face in those kinds of pics. Same goes for women who flash their bits and pieces. You gotta know how to play the game If the d-ck pic comes from a certain phone number, all the girl has to do is take a snapshot of the number and the pic, and post: John Doe sent me this. His number: 555-1234 Watch out ladies! The guy is cooked.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 If the d-ck pic comes from a certain phone number, all the girl has to do is take a snapshot of the number and the pic, and post: John Doe sent me this. His number: 555-1234 Watch out ladies! The guy is cooked. Oh sure but again, he'd have to be a supreme idiot to send it from anything that traces back to him. Unfortunately there are countless social media platforms today that offer up comfortable anonymity. I haven't met many men who were that naive and I have received a LOT of random d*ck pics over the years. If someone is that stupid than perhaps he/she is due for a serious wake up call.
soph-walker Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I tend to message online/in app and then on meeting them in person actually exchange numbers then. I'm not sure if it's old fashioned or whatever but it works for me. I've previously been a bit looser with handing my number out and experienced one or two bozos that called me in the middle of the night or text pestered me, which inevitably leads to their number being blocked. Disrespectful.
Miss Peach Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I usually give mine after a few messages. For me it's the phone call that best vets whether I want to meet someone for me. In my mind if you make the correct precautions it doesn't need to be any more dangerous than giving an email. I use a dedicated Google voice number. You can have the texts and calls go directly to your smartphone, computer, and/or home phone. It's not a traceable number so someone can't use it to find your contact information from it. If anyone hassles you you can block them. If it continues to be a problem just change the number and start handing that one out. Since it's separate from your real number it's not a hassle to change it. Once I know someone for awhile I give them my real number. It's never been an issue when I switch numbers on guys. Several guys have actually told me they do the same thing.
Author faithfully Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Thanks for all your input!!! This guy I started talking to on okcupid, 32 got his own business and been single for over a year, when chatting to him on okcupid told me he was looking after a relationship and I thought ok great seems decent, then later that day asked me for my number I gave it to him, he rang and had a nice chat, seems decent. Then we started talking about our comparison on there, then last night when I said I'm going to bed and good night he said it back then sent me this: Mmm think I'll have my naughty thought over you tonight in which I didn't answer and even today not replied but just though ugh I don't want to know Like WTF when you think they decent and want the same he is sending me **** like that 1
Larryville Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Mmm think I'll have my naughty thought over you tonight in which I didn't answer and even today not replied but just though ugh I don't want to know Like WTF when you think they decent and want the same he is sending me **** like that It is very unfortunate we have a society with declining standards and too many dudes thinks crap like that is cute... not cute or mature.. Exactly what makes meeting and dating so hard for so many. Gotta factor in creep factor 2
Author faithfully Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Then this other guy from another dating site, got my number today after been talking for 2 days, nothing rude seems OK, 27 into motocross and rides, which I love, then today I'm on house arrest doctor's orders as I've had a knee operation and he turned round and texted me this: Ahh alright, no hands or knee action for you in which I ignored, but seriously!!! I just want a nice conversation, is that too much to ask bloody hell
SwordofFlame Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I give out and request their number after the first date is planned.
truth_seeker Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Oh sure but again, he'd have to be a supreme idiot to send it from anything that traces back to him. Unfortunately there are countless social media platforms today that offer up comfortable anonymity. I haven't met many men who were that naive and I have received a LOT of random d*ck pics over the years. If someone is that stupid than perhaps he/she is due for a serious wake up call. What is the point of a d-ck pic? Show off? A joke? I don't get it.
Jabron1 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Sorry OP, but I have to laugh at some of this stuff. Try and find the humour in it, and not let it upset you. 1
Jabron1 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 What is the point of a d-ck pic? Show off? A joke? I don't get it. Exhibitionism, I'd imagine. Not my thing, personally.
jen1447 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Oh sure but again, he'd have to be a supreme idiot to send it from anything that traces back to him. Unfortunately there are countless social media platforms today that offer up comfortable anonymity. I haven't met many men who were that naive and I have received a LOT of random d*ck pics over the years. If someone is that stupid than perhaps he/she is due for a serious wake up call. It's actually far from concrete 'proof' of anything anyway as that kinda stuff can be fabricated easily. Also ppl just aren't as impressed/bothered/whatever w/dick pics et al anymore. Look at you Michelle - you get them and don't think anything more of it than 'dismiss,' right? Dick pics just aren't what they used to be. (And to answer t_s, ppl do that kinda stuff just bc they get horned up by it.)
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I'm sorry OP but your comments regarding some of your recent experiences with these men made me giggle out loud. So very typical and so very predictable I'm afraid. Even the really nice polite ones, if given an opening, will eventually take it. It's just how men operate. Sex is ALWAYS on the brain. Honestly, it would be in your best interest to be a little less uptight about this stuff and just realize that this is how men are and how they flirt especially as they hide behind a keyboard. It doesn't mean you have to take the bait and fall down the rabbit hole with them. I mean, there are ways to defuse or redirect conversation in order to keep it PG. Personally, I don't think it's fair to dismiss these guys over one slightly mischievous comment made on the fly. Just my two cents. Good luck.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 It's actually far from concrete 'proof' of anything anyway as that kinda stuff can be fabricated easily. Also ppl just aren't as impressed/bothered/whatever w/dick pics et al anymore. Look at you Michelle - you get them and don't think anything more of it than 'dismiss,' right? Dick pics just aren't what they used to be. (And to answer t_s, ppl do that kinda stuff just bc they get horned up by it.) Amen sista
Jabron1 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Even the really nice polite ones, if given an opening, will eventually take it. It's just how men operate. Sex is ALWAYS on the brain. I made a fake woman's profile on Tinder to check my competition, and it was disgusting. Grown men had profile pictures of themselves snorkeling, or sitting on the beach watching the sunset as their main picture I have no idea how you go from that to 'get down on your knees'. No wonder women get freaked out. Now I might be a noob at this online stuff, but my advice to guys would be don't expect to go from crying over a sunset to any kind of dominance. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 What is the point of a d-ck pic? Show off? A joke? I don't get it. I think it's because men are such visual creatures. The sight of the slightest hint of skin on a woman gets their blood boiling that they just assume women are the same therefore sending a random snap of a guy's most prized possession in all it's raging glory seems perfectly appropriate For me personally, I love a beautiful c*ck pic but only if I know the guy attached to it otherwise it's just another d*ck in a pic and those are a dime a dozen. Zzzzzzzz.
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