addicted Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Ok hopefully this sounds simple to someone else because I can't seem to figure it out for myself... I am in a relationship and like the idea of sharing my gf with another man. I have had this sort of fantasy with other gf's in the past and actually acted on it with one a few yrs. back. Needless to say that relationship didn't workout. My gf says she isn't interested in doing this, however the idea still turns me on. I think about this frequently during sex with her... imagining the scenario etc. I realize that since she isn't into this that I should drop the issue entirely but it just seems hard. If anyone had had similiar issues... can let me know how you've dealt with this? Or how can I kick this idea from my head?? Or if this is something I fantasize about so frequently should I harness this and find someone who has similiar interests... I really do love my gf so this would be a difficult option.... just a confused 25 yr old man here help if ya can!
ImaManDammit Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by addicted? Ok hopefully this sounds simple to someone else because I can't seem to figure it out for myself... I am in a relationship and like the idea of sharing my gf with another man. I have had this sort of fantasy with other gf's in the past and actually acted on it with one a few yrs. back. Needless to say that relationship didn't workout. My gf says she isn't interested in doing this, however the idea still turns me on. I think about this frequently during sex with her... imagining the scenario etc. I realize that since she isn't into this that I should drop the issue entirely but it just seems hard. Personally I do not condone this type of behaviour in a relationship. Even I fantisize about threesomes, but I leave it as a fantasy. Sometimes when we try to make fantasy realtities they can strain an relationship, and if you're not careful, you'll start to make here feel that this is more important to you than the relationship itself. Your choices are, break up with her and find someone that shares the ideology. Or accept that fact that this isn't acceptable in your relationship, and seek some type of counselling in dealing with it becomes too daunting. Just curious, the last relationships where you have done this didn't work out. Any sense that this sepcific issue could have cuased those relationships to fail?
SoleMate Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Right. Fantasies are great, because you can enjoy the wild "behavior" (in your head) without any of the blowback. The fact that you have persistent threesome fantasies does NOT mean you should engage in threesomes. I hope you realize just about EVERYBODY has sexual fantasies. Can't you just enjoy them? Or, if the experience would be worth more to you than an ongoing r/s with your current gf, break up with her and find someone who wants to do that with you. Although...I'm wondering if a woman who was eager to be involved in a mmf IRL would actually be a good partner to you like your current gf is. The new, wilder gf might have fantasies of her own, which she chooses to act out, and which do not concord with your expectations for the r/s. So you may be catching a tiger by the tail. In six months you'll be posting, "My gf is so wild, she brings home a different man every night and says she wants to do the mmf thing AGAIN! I'm getting tired of this. Also, I think she is seeing one or several of the men on the side, which is against what we agreed." You see?
AndrewJ Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 I agree this sort of behaviour will kill the relationship. It may seem cool in the mind but it will unfold into mess that will not be salvageable.
Author addicted Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 Thanks all... this is helpful info... I do see the point of taking a fantasy and ruining it with reality. It makes sense to realize that harnessing this fantasy and going with it would require breaking up and ultimately dating some "whore" who would definitely not be as good as the current gf.. thanks for all the help!
newbby Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 It makes sense to realize that harnessing this fantasy and going with it would require breaking up and ultimately dating some "whore" who would definitely not be as good as the current gf.. thanks for all the help! are you a man-whore yourself then?
westernxer Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 If you have a threesome, you run the risk of losing her to the other person. If she's a long-term prospect, don't do it. If she isn't, go for it.
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