It shouldn't, but why does this suck so much?

[LostOne08]

I have been on two dates with this girl and my interest in her is starting to grow. The problem is, it's somewhat long distance, so we've only seen each other the past couple of weekends. I don't mind that as much because the conversations we've had the two times we've gone out have been great. The problem is that I feel like there should be a lot more physical contact than there has been and that maybe I should initiate more (if it's not too late already). On both dates, there's been some light touching. Both dates ended with hugs. Generally, I tend to hold back on the first kiss for a few dates (age old question, I know) but with this one I planned on going for it. Problem with the first date was that a situation arose at the end of the date which would have made trying to kiss her EXTREMELY awkward. At the end of our second date, I had initiated some physical contact but she seemed to pull away some and the body language was off. We were both hanging out on the couch, but she had her arms crossed most of the time. Because of the vibe, I didn't go for the kiss that night either. Now I feel like two dates in with no first kiss might spell doom for this.

 

She might be taking some time to warm up to the idea of more physical intimacy. Like I said, the body language at the end of the second date concerns me. But, I feel like if this goes on too much longer then whatever connection we have will end up just being a friendship and I don't want that because I do have romantic interest in her. We've tentatively discussed a third date and one may happen sooner than expected. Most of me wants to escalate the physical connection the next time that we meet, but I don't want to push things too far.

 

Anyway, I know this might not be enough details for some, or if there's even any advice to give, but I'd love to hear some feedback.

[Emilia]

I don't know, doesn't seem like a good idea to me. She isn't comfortable plus she is far away. Are you sure this isn't about lack of options?

[d0nnivain]

I'd try for a kiss next time & see what happens.

[LostOne08]

So, I did end up going for the kiss recently and she was receptive to it. We tentatively discussed future plans, but didn't set anything in stone. I called her a few days ago to see if she was up for doing anything over the next couple of days and she did not answer. Left a message and asked for a call back, but never got a call or even a text back. This phone call was the only attempt I made at contacting her, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit disappointed that I got no response at all. Like I said above, I was becoming interested in this girl.

 

Just as some background, we have communicated via text and by phone before, but I've tried to limit those interactions as much as possible. I'm of the firm belief that nothing beats face to face personal interaction, so rather than build a relationship through constant texting/calling, I've been using the phone primarily to set up dates with her. Plus, we both are in professions where we don't have a lot of time for small talk during the day, so texting her "what's up?" and little blurbs about my or her day is going is not feasible. But, last week she would text me now and again everyday so a total lack of communication is odd.

 

I guess my only question at this point is that since I called once and left a voicemail, is it worth even trying to contact again? I didn't feel like this would be the type of woman to just ghost on me, but then again, I don't know her that well. Given all the factors involved (distance and some other issues), part of me is saying this is for the best and that I made the attempt with the call and the voicemail and now the ball is in her court. But should I make last one effort at contact?

[LostOne08]

Hey everyone. I met this girl several weeks ago through a mutual friend. She was in the process of ending a several year long relationship with her boyfriend (more on that later). We hit it off, but I honestly thought nothing of it because she lived in another city about an hour away and I'd previously been in a relationship with roughly that same distance and it didn't end well.

 

Anyway, we hung out a few more times in a group setting and I started to become more and more interested in her. I asked her out, which she seemed to be very interested in. The first date went great, we realized we had a lot in common and we genuinely enjoyed each other's company. So much so that when I had planned for the date to end, she insisted that we go to one last spot to hang out more. I took her back to her place at the end of the date and her ex ending up being there. She panicked a little bit and I gave her a hug goodbye (didn't go in). I had fully intended to kiss her that night considering how well the date went, but this situation put a damper on that. We talked about getting together again soon, and I told her I would call her. I later found out that her breakup with her ex was a lot worse than I thought.

 

The next weekend we hung out again (because we live in different towns). The second date initially was going just as well as the first, and she was laughing a lot. She even mentioned that she doesn't recall laughing with anyone as much as she laughed with me. Throughout both dates, I had initiated most of the touching (touching the small of her back, offering my arm, touching her leg here and there, etc.) but by the end of the second date, we hadn't kissed. Her body language at the end of the second date worried me also, she was walking behind me at times and when we sat next to each other she had her arms folded. Nevertheless, I knew I liked her and resolved to kiss her the next time.

 

We ended up hanging out shortly after the second date and that went fine as well, when the date ended I finally did end up kissing her. Although it was a very quick and light kiss, she seemed receptive to it (leaned in, didn't give me the cheek, etc.) and she asked if we would hang out again. I told her definitely and that I would call her. That ended up being the last time I saw or spoke to her. I called her a few days later and left a voicemail when I didn't get an answer. Fast forward to weeks later, and I never heard from her.

 

It's probably worth pointing out that between the dates, I limited interaction as much as possible. I only used the phone for setting up dates, and texted extremely lightly. She sent me some inconsequential gifts between our first and second dates. Everything seemed to indicate there was some interest there on her end, and I don't know what to make of that.

 

Now obviously, this seems to be over. I've ghosted and been ghosted before and it's been no big deal, but this one is sticking with me weeks later. On a personal level, I usually know if I want to keep going with a woman halfway through our second date. I figured by three dates (or two and a half) everyone would be sure. It's still someone's prerogative to ghost if they want, even at that point. She doesn't owe me any explanation. But, I honestly never expected this woman to ghost even though I don't know her that well.

[MidwestUSA]

My best guess is that she's not truly done with the 'ex', tho she claims she is.

 

He was at her place when you took her home? Yep.

[smudge21]

Yep, ex is back on the scene (or never truly left). Nothing much you can do. Move on and if she comes back, decide if you want to go there knowing that she could be like this for a while. After a break up, we can often feel healed only to be knocked down in an instant. Still, that's no excuse for ghosting on someone who's just being nice to you, so she should've at least shown you some level of respect rather than just walking.

[LostOne08]

Yeah, the ex being in the picture makes the most sense. Apparently it's (or at least was) a situation where he had "moved out", but still had a key for whatever reason so had access at any time.

 

On the other hand, I keep telling myself that it really doesn't matter what the reason is. Like I said, I don't feel like I'm owed an explanation or owed anything really. It's still an ego bruise all the same, even if the ex was a contributing factor.

 

I've had things end this quickly before, but for some reason this one left me wondering more than the others.

[smudge21]

Try to let go as soon as you can - nothing worse than wasting time thinking about someone who isn't thinking about you.

[Satu]

Right people, wrong situation, wrong time.

 

Never mind, you'll have other opportunities.