ly399 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 should I continue my 'loving' casual relationship until I'm ready to date other people seriously, or end this now? there are always success stories that people went from casual to serious, but I try not to play the hope card. We met online 6 weeks ago, both in our late 20s, live in the same city. He's very sweet, treat me to expensive dinner and movie every date. I only see him once a week at most depending on our busy schedules. After second date he told me that he wants casual, I got myself attached, so I agreed. Never dated anyone casually before. I don't mind doing casual if the guy is figuring out life/commitment phobic (less to do with my overall worth ) , but I'm not okay if the primary reason is that he doesn't like me that much (directly pertain to my worth). He told me he's not dating anyone else at the moment. (still active on dating apps, which is fine, we are not exclusive) we spend sat night and most of sunday together. He has demanding jobs, so dating other people is plausible but difficult. He had controlling gfs before, maybe that scarred him from commitment. I just got out of a very serious 4yr relationship 6 months ago and another 2 month relationship 2 months ago. so I don't mind taking a break from relationships for now. I don't know the rules of casual dating. All the material I found online make casual sound like booty calls, but he and I spend very little time in bedroom. sex is good, but we rarely talk about it. He acts very loving and sweet. when we go out, he'd hold my hands all the time: during dinner and movie (it's pretty inconvenient to eat with one hand), driving (dangerous, I know), sleeping, etc. I get really scared in those moments, because I feel like I'm falling for him. My friends are saying that holding hands doesn't mean he wants to be with me long term. For the last few weeks, he'd text me everyday about his life, problems at work, etc. we got to a high point this past date, he stared at me lovingly, asked me if I'm okay with his career change plans and if im free on weekdays, told me again and again I'm a great date that he's relaxed when spending time with me. And then he went silent for days not replying my msg. I couldn't understand if he's ignoring me (I think he's doing it on purpose) because 1) he actually doesn't like me that much, he met someone new, etc. all the signs I picked up are just my wishful overthinking, OR 2)he's afraid to lead me on/step over the boundaries of casual relationship (aka he's trying to do some emotion controls/reset so to speak)? Should I say something? or just be cool with it since this is casual, im not supposed to care.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 But you do, don't you? It's not a matter of you being afraid to fall for him. I think you have. You say you don't mind taking a break from relationships, right now. Ok. So break from this one. Just text him and tell him you want to take a break from relationships. No? No. Of course not. Because you like it, and you like him, but given his history, you don't want to push it, or put any pressure on him, unintentionally or otherwise.... Ease back. Don't contact him (give yourself a week) and let him come to you. If you don't hear form him within the week, then I think you have a right to PHONE him - not text - phone - and ask what he feels about this situation, and ask him why he hasn't contacted you. I don't entirely agree with your friends, btw, about the hand holding. During eating? Driving? Yes, I think it's unusual....
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