alaluv Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I moved into a new home a few months ago and I do not have much set up due to work and school. Well a friend of mine who is pregnant asked me to give her a place to stay for a few days while she has the nursery room remodeled. I never gave her a definite yes or no, all I told her was the fact that my guestroom is not set up yet and I would have to see. So two Fridays ago, she came to my house to do laundry because her power was out. It was pretty clear that my guestroom was still not up yet. Monday rolls around and I get a text from her asking to come stay at my house Friday or Saturday. I asked her how long would it be and she never tells me, but judging from her answer, it would be at least a week. I told her I would have to see if I can get the guest bedroom set up in time, but I also have prior engagements during the week that I cannot break. She didn't text me back. Tuesday rolls by and she doesn't say anything to me. On Wednesday afternoon, my co-worker and I look at bedding and etc... to set up my guestroom. When I come home Wednesday evening, I see there is a long Facebook message (public I might add) ranting about me and how I break promises and I have caused her and everyone to be in a stressful situation and she has the right to be mad. I didn't say anything because I was hurt and upset. On Thursday, I receive a message from her husband trying to apologize for what she did and says he hopes she and I can still be friends. She has yet to send me a text to apologize for her behavior or to even explain it and tomorrow she having a baby shower. Should I go? In a way, I feel like I'm not welcomed to go in the first place, but another part of me thinks things will be worse if I don't go.
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 You need to call her asap and talk this out BEFORE tomorrow. I hope you deleted her public posting to you on your fb page. Nobody needs to see that, she should have sent you a private message or even texted you, not blast you like that out in the open. 1
preraph Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 That was rude of her. You didn't promise. I guess she felt she was in between a rock and a hard place and had no Plan B. If you talk to her again, why not just tell her you haven't had time to set up a guest room but if she wants to bring everything and do it herself, she can. Or if you don't want her, then tell her she's welcome for 2-3 days and no longer. Or don't talk to her if you really don't want her. It all sounds fishy to me that she even needs to move out because of one room being remodeled. I've stayed through much worse. And my guest room is a blowup bed they get to blow up themselves, or the couch.
SammySammy Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 She doesn't seem to be a very good friend. Friends don't try to embarrass each other in public. That's your house. You had the right to say "no" without any explanation. Just ... no. We teach people how to treat us. A while back, I had friends who would say and do things that I thought were inappropriate. I had quietly accepted those things for some time. One day, I decided I wasn't going to bite my tongue any longer in the name of "friendship". They had no problem being rude and disrespectful. How could I be wrong for letting them know that wasn't going to be a part of our friendship going forward? Some never spoke to me again since that day. Some still speak to me, but not as much. Some never stopped being my friend but stopped the behavior I found offensive. Perfect result, as far as I'm concerned. I think you need to be assertive and stand up for yourself. She couldn't be my friend AND put me on blast on FaceBook. She's going to have to pick one. Just my opinion .... 2
90s kid Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 On one hand, it's your house and you have every right to say no if you want to. Plus, it was very immature of her to post the issue up on Facebook. On the other hand, if this is really your best friend, and she's pregnant and needs a place to stay for a few days, what's the problem?? Was it really just that your guest room wasn't properly set up? If she's that hard up for a place to stay, I don't think she would care if the room was a bit disheveled. If my bff or my sister asked me for a place to stay, I would make accommodating them a priority. Or I would let them know, "hey, you're welcome to stay here but just know that the room isn't totally set up." That way you're not running around trying to get things together before they arrive. She was probably frustrated because she asked you weeks ago and you told her you would "see" if the guest room could be set up on time. But you still hadn't given her a definitive yes or no just a few days prior. Next time, if you don't want her to stay over, just say no so she has time to make other plans. 2
loverboy69 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 It wasn't cool what she did at all. But Im the forgiving type and would likely chalk it up to a combination of pregnancy, hormones and stress. You have every right to say yes or no to any guest. It is after all your house. What I would have done however for my best friend or family member if I was in your situation would be to just let them sleep on the couch or something. There likely wouldn't be any hesitation on my part. Is there something else that would cause you to hesitate or overthink her spending a few nights over? Something the rest of us aren't aware of?
ufo8mycat Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 You have every right to say yes or no to any guest. It is after all your house. Absolutely. However the OP said "we will see" which is neither yes or no. Its avoidant. I had a friend and her baby stay in my 1 bedroom place a week after I moved it. Because friends don't demand to be comfortable! Her rant may have been response to the OPs passive aggressive behaviour. 2
Author alaluv Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Absolutely. However the OP said "we will see" which is neither yes or no. Its avoidant. I had a friend and her baby stay in my 1 bedroom place a week after I moved it. Because friends don't demand to be comfortable! Her rant may have been response to the OPs passive aggressive behaviour. She knew that I never gave her a yes or no answer. During that time, she could have looked somewhere else instead of relying on me. She has family members who live just across the street from her and down the road.
Author alaluv Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 It wasn't cool what she did at all. But Im the forgiving type and would likely chalk it up to a combination of pregnancy, hormones and stress. You have every right to say yes or no to any guest. It is after all your house. What I would have done however for my best friend or family member if I was in your situation would be to just let them sleep on the couch or something. There likely wouldn't be any hesitation on my part. Is there something else that would cause you to hesitate or overthink her spending a few nights over? Something the rest of us aren't aware of? She's 8 months pregnant so the couch was not an option. There's nothing else. The guest bedroom wasn't ready. She knew that. Instead of finding somewhere else to go, she decided to throw a temper tantrum instead.
GunslingerRoland Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Pregnancy hormones can cause some pretty irrational behavior, so maybe try to keep that in mind, that it isn't necessary her normal personality. Other question would be that what does a guestroom not set up mean? It was under construction? The bed needed setting up? You needed to put sheets on the bed? Not that you needed to oblige her request, but depending on what you mean by the guest room not being set up it sounds like a pretty weak excuse.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 She was immature and rude for blasting this issue out on social media but I don't think you're being a great friend as well. You two are "best friends?" If my 8 month pregnant best friend needed to stay for a week I would give up my bed and sleep on the couch. Not a big deal. She clearly feels most comfortable with you if she didn't want to sleep at her family's home across the street. And honestly it does sound like you were avoiding giving her an answer which gives the impression that you didn't really want to accomodate her. That may not be true, but from what you described in you post, I can see why your best friend would be upset. Again, preggo hormones can make a woman's emotions go wild so she acted unreasonably by postin her gripe instead of talking to you. I think you should talk to her before the baby shower and hopefully you BOTH can apologize to each other. 1
basil67 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I agree that her FB behaviour was appalling. I also agree that you should have given her a yes or a no. Not a 'we'll see' You say this woman is your best friend. If my best friend needed somewhere to stay, I'd find a way to make it happen. Or if it couldn't happen, I'd give her the courtesy of a definite 'no' so that she knows she needs to make new plans. Frankly, I think you've both done the wrong thing.
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