Curiousroxy86 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Ok so I m getting back into the dating scene. I am divorced with a son. I can only see myself making time for one date per week. But I see a lot of dating advice say talk to/date more than one potential, it s a numbers game, etc. so I m confused. Do you talk to more than one guy and do you make time to go on more than one date per week? To me it doesn t make sense to talk to more than one guy when I can only make time to go on one date a week. I m having to tell other guys I may be available next week. So what exactly is your dating strategies ladies? Do you talk to more than one and go on multiple dates per week or do you talk to more than one and allow them to wait their turn if they want to? Or do you talk to one guy at a time?
selinaluv Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I am in a similar situation. I have my 10 year old daughter full time and just really starting to get back into dating now that she is a little bit older. Like you, I can maybe fit in one date a week if I am lucky. But there have been times where multiple men have asked me out at the same time. I would usually pick my favorite for an evening date and balance the others with daytime lunch or coffee dates if they were close to my work. If that didn't work and I am talking to a few men at once, one usually tended to "rise to the top". He is the one that would get the date. If he asked me out multiple times I would focus on the one until it did or did not work out. My longest relationship since I started back dating was six months. He was also a full time single dad with a 10 year old daughter. We quickly realized the only way to see each other was to include the kids. Those dates were fun, primarily platonic ones. It's a balancing act and unfortunately with single parents, probably a bit more difficult.
Versacehottie Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Well I think dating is a numbers game. Presumably you are going to be online? Well then there are flakes, no doubt. You can "talk", message or whatever to several and maybe only a handful will materialize into dates. I think you should have about a two week supply, lol. And try to find time for two dates per week. With the two week supply, you can schedule 1-2 per week and then it will either fizzle or become stronger with one of the guys and you can rotate a new one in. BTW, I strongly think you should not talk/message that much at all before so that should make it not such a time-consuming task. I think just a little bit to confirm that there is mutual interest, then set up the date. Go and let the chips fall where they may. This is the best strategy and it also happens to work for your busy schedule. A great guy for you will stand out. Also it won't get to you as much when/it it gets discouraging. Best approach for you IS to cycle through them like it is a numbers guy--obviously treating them as new people in your life, not yet a priority but open to the positive possibility. Good luck
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Like you, I can maybe fit in one date a week if I am lucky. But there have been times where multiple men have asked me out at the same time. I would usually pick my favorite for an evening date and balance the others with daytime lunch or coffee dates if they were close to my work. Yea I tried to fit other guys for quick coffee dates at first and was going to reserve my fave for once a week date with more time for dinner movie or some other agreed activity but I experienced great dating burn out from the multiple quick coffee dates. I guess at this point it's a want and will issue for me.
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 BTW, I strongly think you should not talk/message that much at all before so that should make it not such a time-consuming task. I think just a little bit to confirm that there is mutual interest, then set up the date. Go and let the chips fall where they may. This is the best strategy and it also happens to work for your busy schedule. A great guy for you will stand out. Also it won't get to you as much when/it it gets discouraging. Best approach for you IS to cycle through them like it is a numbers guy--obviously treating them as new people in your life, not yet a priority but open to the positive possibility. Good luck Imma have to see how feasible it is to fit in another date. Sure it can be done. Guess it's more want and will lol. But Yea I totally agree with the avoiding marathon online chatting. I respond to esch guy that interest me message once a day and that usually get them to either ask me out or atleast the number. The one who get the number I respond to their text message once a day and will lead to ask me out. The rest who want to waste my time cat fishing stop talking or I ignore them if they haven't asked me out by a certain time. I don't have a problem treating these potentials as what they are which is new people but I just feel bad having to say "maybe next week" everytime when I already filled up my date slot for the week.
Miss Peach Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I don't have a problem treating these potentials as what they are which is new people but I just feel bad having to say "maybe next week" everytime when I already filled up my date slot for the week. I would just upfront about this. I'm a single parent but have a little more dating time than you do. When I first started dating I was filling up my slots so quickly a lot of men got frustrated and thought I was playing games. I would just let people know your date night is X and if you don't plan ahead then you're making other plans. You might also want to fit in a few phone dates, coffee dates, etc. in there so that you're not giving your one free date night to crappy dates. I like to do a phone screen. I typically found OLD to be a pretty big time drain. I did better going to meetups I would enjoy anyway and meet guys there. I felt then at least I had something to show for all the time.
selinaluv Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) Yea I tried to fit other guys for quick coffee dates at first and was going to reserve my fave for once a week date with more time for dinner movie or some other agreed activity but I experienced great dating burn out from the multiple quick coffee dates. I guess at this point it's a want and will issue for me. I totally agree the coffee dates can get old fast. They feel the most like interviews. I know that is essentially what a first date is, but I don't want them all to feel that way. I think it's because they are my "tier 2" dates. What I find difficult is the men who don't respect your time. As a single mom I have to coordinate child care, etc. I can't just put her on a shelf and drop everything cause you contact me last minute on a Tuesday night. I need a little lead time and a man that will be okay with that. I have lost a few potentials because of this. Edited March 30, 2016 by selinaluv
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 I totally agree the coffee dates can get old fast. They feel the most like interviews. I know that is essentially what a first date is, but I don't want them all to feel that way. I think it's because they are my "tier 2" dates. What I find difficult is the men who don't respect your time. As a single mom I have to coordinate child care, etc. I can't just put her on a shelf and drop everything cause you contact me last minute on a Tuesday night. I need a little lead time and a man that will be okay with that. I have lost a few potentials because of this. Yea I know what you mean about guys not respecting time. For me personally since I have a reserved a day and time where I can break away from the kiddo and go on a date when they say crap like "want to go to dinner tonight tomorrow or some other time that is not my available time" I reply "sounds great but I have plans. I'm free on x and x". They usually just agree or disagree. I had one guy say I was too busy for him cause I wouldn't stay on the phone for hours, text him all day, or be available for last minut dates. I didn't even respond i just delete him from my phone and focused on a guy who was respectful of my time. You know us moms have enough on our plate and don't need that mess. He can go find a girl that will make him be the end all be all of her life while I find a guy that respects my time.
road Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Ok so I m getting back into the dating scene. I am divorced with a son. I can only see myself making time for one date per week. But I see a lot of dating advice say talk to/date more than one potential, it s a numbers game, etc. so I m confused. Do you talk to more than one guy and do you make time to go on more than one date per week? To me it doesn t make sense to talk to more than one guy when I can only make time to go on one date a week. I m having to tell other guys I may be available next week. So what exactly is your dating strategies ladies? Do you talk to more than one and go on multiple dates per week or do you talk to more than one and allow them to wait their turn if they want to? Or do you talk to one guy at a time? The problem is not the time but that you want to multi date when you only have the time to date one man at a time. Why is that hard to go out with a man on a date and after that date to either make more dates till you dump him or marry him. Why the need to be trying out his replacement before you are done dating him. Evidently if that is the way you think about a man that you can not be happy enough with him that you must date others at the same time indicates that you do not care enough for him in the first place to be even dating him.
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 The problem is not the time but that you want to multi date when you only have the time to date one man at a time. Why is that hard to go out with a man on a date and after that date to either make more dates till you dump him or marry him. Why the need to be trying out his replacement before you are done dating him. Evidently if that is the way you think about a man that you can not be happy enough with him that you must date others at the same time indicates that you do not care enough for him in the first place to be even dating him. Alot of online dating advice say it's a numbers game and that a girl who is getting to know a guy she is not exclusive with should also talk to and go on dates with other guys because according to said advice time is of the essence and should not want to waste time focusing on this one total stranger who is a)more than likely talking dating other girls and can't assume exclusivity when yall haven't agreed on such b) can be a total fake, disappointment, serial killer, whatever because fact is you don't know him from a can of beans and is only in the get to know each other stage. Also focusing on one guy at a time according to said advice could lead to a girl getting prematurely attached needy and heartbroken because of examples given above whereas talking to multiple guys keep the girl from acting too needy and possessive. So with all that kind of online dating advice floating around I personally questioned if this advice should even apply to me because I only want to make time for one date per week. I personally didn't think it made sense for me to talk to more than one guy due to my lifestyle. So I was curious in hearing other people's opinion on whether to date one guy at a time due to my lifestyle or date multiple guys despite my lifestyle. That's all.
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