Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Exactly. That is how I learned everything I know... (like I'm the be-all-and-end-all of what to do LOL -- NOT!). But seriously, I have done some things that others had advised me against, and it worked out! People respond to different things. My ex for example, LOVED to be called out on his shyt. Even very early on, he LOVED that feistyness in me. Often times I think he was testing me in a way, to see how much I would tolerate. Immature I know, but I really do think some guys do that. Women too! Anyway, I didn't always used to be that way, I used to be passive, always trying to be the cool chick, going with the flow... easy going, nice, etc...... basically what ended up happening is (at least with my first two boyfriends) they took me for granted.... and I became somewhat of a doormat. I know.... me, a doormat, shocking! LOL I ended those relationships but TBH, they didn't treat me all that well. Of course once I broke up with them, they saw the error of their ways and wanted another chance blah blah but by then it was too late. With my third long term boyfriend (my recent ex .... I was still hesitant to speak up until he did something shytty, I let it roll off and he got mad at ME for NOT being mad at him! Something clicked in me after that, and I became super feisty, always speaking my mind, not being afraid to "rock the boat," getting mad when warranted, etc. He loved it and it added a new element of passion to our RL. He found my challenging him very exciting. Not sure how functional that was in retrospect, but point is, some guys really love the feisty girl who speaks her mind, even gets mad once in a while, when warranted. In this case, if you want to say something.... I wouldn't tell him how much you enjoyed spending time with him and that you are not looking for casual. Tell him you didn't appreciate the way he came on so strong, led you to believe you were starting something.... and then disappeared for over three weeks!! Not acceptable. Then tell him you have to run and hang up. Let him stew on that for awhile. Yes, I remember you mentioning a specific incident with your ex in a previous post where he got mad at you for not calling him out on his shyt. I've never experienced that, because I'm usually the passive "cool" girl, but I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm just sick of being that girl, and I'm ready for a change. I just need to work on trusting myself more, though. I want to stay somewhat civil with him during this conversation, because this whole thing could very well be a case of me misinterpreting what he thought was a very clear casual sex situation. He could turn around and say, "Well, that's on you for not knowing that I was just trying to get you into bed," and he'd have a point there. I'm just going to tell him that it was fun, but it's not what I'm looking for. He'll say, "Okay, cool. I'm not looking for anything serious right now," and we can part ways. I'll have my answer and we don't have to interact with each other anymore.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) Yes, I remember you mentioning a specific incident with your ex in a previous post where he got mad at you for not calling him out on his shyt. I've never experienced that, because I'm usually the passive "cool" girl, but I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm just sick of being that girl, and I'm ready for a change. I just need to work on trusting myself more, though. I want to stay somewhat civil with him during this conversation, because this whole thing could very well be a case of me misinterpreting what he thought was a very clear casual sex situation. He could turn around and say, "Well, that's on you for not knowing that I was just trying to get you into bed," and he'd have a point there. I'm just going to tell him that it was fun, but it's not what I'm looking for. He'll say, "Okay, cool. I'm not looking for anything serious right now," and we can part ways. I'll have my answer and we don't have to interact with each other anymore. Okay but what about the hiking trip he scheduled with you for the following weekend. He completely blew you off! Never even bothered to text or call to cancel. What about all the other future things he said you would do together. Then to disappear for over three weeks and contact you when he swings into town for the weekend..... ugh. No thank you I certainly wouldn't be telling a guy who treated me that way that I enjoyed spending time with him. I would block and ignore or in response to his invite, just say "thanks but I'll pass, take care." BUT since you want to say something, again tell him you don't appreciate being blown off, etc, that that is not acceptable behavior to you. You don't treat others that way and you don't appreciate being treated that way either. Then wish him well and take care. THAT is called standing up for yourself and NOT allowing yourself to be treated like yesterday's newspaper or a doormat. If he starts attempting to flip the script, just block him. Edited April 12, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Okay but what about the hiking trip he scheduled with you for the following weekend. He completely blew you off! Never even bothered to text or call to cancel. What about all the other future things he said you would do together. Then to disappear for over three weeks and contact you when he swings into town for the weekend..... ugh. Oooooooooooh, girl! I completely forgot about that. Lol!! I’m so glad you reminded me of those plans that we made and he never even bothered to contact me the weekend of. Thank you! Okay, yeah. Now I’m angry. This fool will definitely be getting a piece of my mind. I just need to stand my ground if or when he flips the script. I shut down when people do that to me, because my brain has to take the time to process and analyze their arguments. Now I’m mad.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) Oooooooooooh, girl! I completely forgot about that. Lol!! I’m so glad you reminded me of those plans that we made and he never even bothered to contact me the weekend of. Thank you! Okay, yeah. Now I’m angry. This fool will definitely be getting a piece of my mind. I just need to stand my ground if or when he flips the script. I shut down when people do that to me, because my brain has to take the time to process and analyze their arguments. Now I’m mad. Don't get into an argument. Just speak your piece, calmly, rationally, but assertively, wish him well and bye. Don't even allow him to flip the script, either block OR if a text comes back, and it looks like he's flipping it, then immediately trash it. And don't read any more. I once rejected a guy (very nicely) and he proceeded to bombard me with over 20 text messages.. The first one I read (I won't repeat what he called me) and every single one after that (there must have been around 20 or so) I never even opened, they just went directly to my trash. That was before I had a phone that could block. I don't bother with crap like that. Maybe you should sleep on it, seriously. Tomorrow you may not be so mad, you may just say f*ck it... and let it roll off... and do nothing. You only had a couple of dates one weekend after all. I honestly don't think he deserves all this angst. But I DO understand. You really like him...even still I can tell. He must have made quite an impression. He may be good guy, I just don't like how he blew you off without a word then disappeared. That goes to his character IMO. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do and how it plays out! Edited April 12, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Yeah, I've only ever rejected and then ignored a guy once. I said my piece, and then he tried to respond with a whole novel's worth of rude text messages. I didn't read any of them. They all got deleted. The best part is that I have an iPhone and I have my read notifications turned on, so if someone is texting me from another iPhone using iMessage, they can see when I've read their messages. So he knows that I didn't look at any of them. I am going to just sleep on it. The more I think about it, the more angry I get. He did seem like a good guy. He said all the right things, and he was very attractive. I fell for it. He seemed like he had a few demons he was battling, but who doesn't? This guy was close to getting all emotional with me, going so far as to say, "I'm telling you stuff that even my friends don't know about me." Ugh!! I should've known better.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) This guy was close to getting all emotional with me, going so far as to say, "I'm telling you stuff that even my friends don't know about me." Ugh!! I should've known better. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing better LL. No one knows better, until the words don't jive with the actions, and you can only find that out later. At the time, he sounded sincere so you went with it! Nothing wrong with that! You maintained boundaries and didn't have sex with him, like he wanted = plus one. It was only later you discovered he was a bit of a creep, by NOT following through with his actions. You didn't contact him, you have been keeping your distance = another plus one. You have absolutely NOTHING to be beating yourself up about! So far you have handled this perfectly! And you know what.... there will be plenty more where he came from too.... all words, no action. Keep staying positive, never lose that. Go into each situation with a clean slate.... and have faith until a guy proves you otherwise. In this case, after he blew you off the following weekend is when you shrug your shoulders and say - next. He just didn't end up being what he appeared to be when you first met him. Oh well. life goes on. NEXT. Edited April 12, 2016 by katiegrl 1
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