katiegrl Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) But yes - I agree - It would have been nice if he had set up some sort of plan during the week before, especially if he already knew he was going to be in town. So, daytime dates = not looking for a booty call? Not setting up a date in advance = looking for a booty call? I don't know. It's confusing, but I guess we've officially reached the point where it doesn't matter. It is now Friday (the beginning of the weekend), and I've heard nothing. That's a very clear indication that he is no longer interested (in booty OR dating). LL, problem is he did not set up a date with you at all -- he asked you to hang out with him and his friends. You said yourself in a previous post, it was not a date... and you did not consider it a date. JMO but not setting up a date (either in advance OR day of)... and instead inviting you to hang out with him and his friends, and then coming on to you sexually hoping to have sex with you = booty call. Unless, he considers you as just a friend, in which case he would NOT have tried to get you to have sex with him (or he's looking for FWB). As for the brunch or other activities, had you not been busy, would you have considered those as dates? LL, I am sorry but you are being so elusive, ambiguous and contraditory, it is really difficult to not only follow what happened, but follow what you're even thinking. Every time I or someone else agrees with you and tells you that yes, this guy only wanted a booty call.... you challenge that by sarcastically saying things like this: >>So, daytime dates = not looking for a booty call? >>Not setting up a date in advance = looking for a booty call? Suggesting that maybe it wasn't a booty call (after you just finished telling us you deleted his number cuz you think it was a booty call), that you're confused, and we (I) end up feeling like an idiot for even expressing my opinion in the first place. Why don't you just pick up your phone, send him a text, and find out for pete's sake. This is not confusing. YOU are only making it confusing because you too afraid to send him a damn text and find out (by confirming your plans for this weekend). No offense, but it's ridiculous. In any event, good luck. Edited April 1, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 As for the brunch or other activities, had you not been busy, would you have considered those as dates? Yes, and perhaps this is what’s being missed. The time that we actually spent together – I wouldn’t consider any of those dates, because his friends were around. If I had accepted his offers for coffee, dog walking in the park, or brunch, I would’ve considered those to be dates, because his friends weren’t around at that time. If I had accepted, it would’ve just been us. I mentioned that clearly a few posts back. Those weren’t exactly planned dates, no, but I would’ve considered them to be more date-like than the time we actually spent together. The only time I was available to hang out with him this past weekend was at night, at times when he also happened to be out with his friends. Every time I or someone else agrees with you and tells you that yes, this guy only wanted a booty call.... you challenge that by sarcastically saying things like this: >>So, daytime dates = not looking for a booty call? >>Not setting up a date in advance = looking for a booty call? This wasn’t sarcasm – it was a valid question. AMJ made the suggestion that the opportunity for day time dates meant he might not have been looking for just a booty call. You are saying the fact that he didn’t plan any actual dates in advance might mean that he was. It wasn’t sarcasm – I’m honestly confused, because they’re both very valid points. 90% of me thinks it was just a booty call, and that’s what I thought when I started this thread, but I’m entertaining the idea that perhaps it wasn’t, because other posters are suggesting it. Are those the contradictory statements you’re picking up on? The fact that I’m having trouble coming to a conclusion about a dating situation that I’ve posted about in a forum that exists to help others with their dating situations? The fact that I'm entertaining perspectives other than my own in a forum that's meant to compile different perspectives as they relate to certain dating situations? Suggesting that maybe it wasn't a booty call (after you just finished telling us you deleted his number cuz you think it was a booty call), that you're confused, and we (I) end up feeling like an idiot for even expressing my opinion in the first place. This “suggestion” was based on AMJ’s post in which she suggested that maybe it wasn’t just a booty call due to his efforts at getting me to meet up with him for various activities during the day (unless I misunderstood her post). I was merely considering her suggestion, because it’s something that I had not previously thought about. I deleted his number, because I follow rule books, forums, and other “garbage” that tell me to do so in situations like these. Earlier in the week, when I came to the conclusion on my own that I wasn’t going to hear from him again, I went ahead and deleted his number out of anger, because it made me feel better about the situation. I was making conversation with AMJ, because she offered an interesting perspective that was different from my own. Now that it's Friday, and I haven't heard anything from him, my opinion has shifted back to the booty call scenario (because opinions can do that sometimes). I'll move on with my life, he'll move on with his, and I'll learn to take the words of an attractive stranger with a grain of salt. The end.
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I'm so sick of being faded on, stood up, ghosted on, lied to, cheated on, and just generally emotionally stomped on by guys. I stopped dating a couple of months ago for this reason. I can no longer trust men. Like, at all. I've been told my whole dating life that my "picker" is broken, but I'm not picking these guys. They're picking me, because I apparently have "please treat me like crap" written on my forehead. Sorry for the rant, but I ran into a Casanova over the weekend who spent two days wooing me and lying to me in attempt to get me into bed and then ghosted. I wasn't even trying this time. I'm not actively looking for dates or a relationship like I used to be. I was just out, enjoying my life, minding my own business, and I still managed to get blindsided by an a*****e. That's on me for getting my hopes up, but I'm just kinda sick of it. I personally am learning to simply treat the guy who come my way like the stranger he is. a man has to earn my trust by actions not what he tell me. The big thing for me is to wait a long time before agreeing to any exclusive relationship. When it comes to suitors coming your way you want to weed out the bad ones anyway. Really get to know the guy. Smile, laugh, go on dates but no giving him an ounce of trust until he truly earns it. If he ghost early before making it exclusive he did you a favor!
katiegrl Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I personally am learning to simply treat the guy who come my way like the stranger he is. a man has to earn my trust by actions not what he tell me. The big thing for me is to wait a long time before agreeing to any exclusive relationship. When it comes to suitors coming your way you want to weed out the bad ones anyway. Really get to know the guy. Smile, laugh, go on dates but no giving him an ounce of trust until he truly earns it. If he ghost early before making it exclusive he did you a favor! It's funny you talk about making it exclusive, they never even made it to the dating stage. Nine pages devoted to a thread about some bozo who was looking for a quick hook up... after partying one weekend with OP and his friends.
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 It's funny you talk about making it exclusive, they never even made it to the dating stage. Nine pages devoted to a thread about some bozo who was looking for a quick hook up... after partying one weekend with OP and his friends. Unfortunately a lot of women get their hopes up in fantasy relationships with guys who never made it official. Some don't go on dates and some never got to be called girl friend. when I was younger and dumber lol I definitely allowed some arse hole to break my heart because I really liked him yet he was very hot and cold. I know many women going through the same thing. It is imperative to wise up and utilize boundaries. he shouldn't get an ounce of hope or trust if he hasn't asked you to be exclusive. Even less so if doesn't ask you out on real dates, call you, or show interest past wanna watch Netflix and chill (and screw).
katiegrl Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) Unfortunately a lot of women get their hopes up in fantasy relationships with guys who never made it official. Some don't go on dates and some never got to be called girl friend. when I was younger and dumber lol I definitely allowed some arse hole to break my heart because I really liked him yet he was very hot and cold. I know many women going through the same thing. It is imperative to wise up and utilize boundaries. He shouldn't get an ounce of hope or trust if he hasn't asked you to be exclusive. Even less so if he doesn't ask you out on real dates, call you, or show interest past wanna watch Netflix and chill (and screw). Amen @ the bolded. The rest of your post too.... but specifically the bolded as that is what happened in OP's particular case. Edited April 2, 2016 by katiegrl
AMJ Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Oh my goodness Katie, you sure are worked up about this one. Anyone can feel free to disagree with me- I honestly do not care- but I believe this guy is actually interested in more than a booty call. I don't think a guy asks you out to brunch or to walk a dog as a precursor to hooking up. I actually get where he's coming from. Here's a girl he met randomly at a concert a few weeks ago. He happens to be back in town, and he really wanted to see her. Sure, he should have planned a date ahead of time. That would have made this all so much easier for lovelorn to figure out. But he didn't. He barely knew her, so he didn't make plans. Does this make him a terrible guy who's "only interested in sex"? Look, the whole weekend could have gone a different way. She could have jumped at the chance to have brunch with him, and spent the entire day with him, and night too. She still could have decided to go home that night- it's not like you're required to sleep with a guy just because he asked you out to last minute brunch. She could have texted him on Monday saying how much fun she had on Saturday night, and that she was looking forward to this weekend. It's totally your call, whether or not to ditch your friends for a guy you barely know. No judgment there. For me, if it were one of my friends I saw all the time, I'd probably flake on her, just this once. If we had tickets to a baseball game or festival or concert, then I'd turn down a last minute brunch with a random guy. For me, there's nothing wrong with being spontaneous sometimes. You may have had a lot of fun with him on Saturday, and it doesn't make you a loser for not following some arbitrary rules about only going out on dates that are preplanned in advance. There's lots of different ways this whole situation could have played out. Maybe an hour each way isn't a long drive for Katiegirl. I've lived in enough places to know that people have different perceptions of distance. When I lived in Boston, people acted like going 30 minutes on the T or bus was an eternity- seriously it used to drive me nuts and it actually really impacted people's social lives, the commute. When I've lived in Los Angeles or San Francisco, we basically expect it to take 30 minutes or more to get anywhere. Maybe this guy works 12 hour days and hasn't had time to take her out yet. Maybe he travels all the time for work. Or maybe he's a complete loser dirtbag that she is better off never seeing again. I have no idea. I just wanted to provide another opinion for her to consider. 4
katiegrl Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Oh my goodness Katie, you sure are worked up about this one. Anyone can feel free to disagree with me- I honestly do not care- but I believe this guy is actually interested in more than a booty call. I don't think a guy asks you out to brunch or to walk a dog as a precursor to hooking up. I actually get where he's coming from. Here's a girl he met randomly at a concert a few weeks ago. He happens to be back in town, and he really wanted to see her. Sure, he should have planned a date ahead of time. That would have made this all so much easier for lovelorn to figure out. But he didn't. He barely knew her, so he didn't make plans. Does this make him a terrible guy who's "only interested in sex"? Look, the whole weekend could have gone a different way. She could have jumped at the chance to have brunch with him, and spent the entire day with him, and night too. She still could have decided to go home that night- it's not like you're required to sleep with a guy just because he asked you out to last minute brunch. She could have texted him on Monday saying how much fun she had on Saturday night, and that she was looking forward to this weekend. It's totally your call, whether or not to ditch your friends for a guy you barely know. No judgment there. For me, if it were one of my friends I saw all the time, I'd probably flake on her, just this once. If we had tickets to a baseball game or festival or concert, then I'd turn down a last minute brunch with a random guy. For me, there's nothing wrong with being spontaneous sometimes. You may have had a lot of fun with him on Saturday, and it doesn't make you a loser for not following some arbitrary rules about only going out on dates that are preplanned in advance. There's lots of different ways this whole situation could have played out. Maybe an hour each way isn't a long drive for Katiegirl. I've lived in enough places to know that people have different perceptions of distance. When I lived in Boston, people acted like going 30 minutes on the T or bus was an eternity- seriously it used to drive me nuts and it actually really impacted people's social lives, the commute. When I've lived in Los Angeles or San Francisco, we basically expect it to take 30 minutes or more to get anywhere. Maybe this guy works 12 hour days and hasn't had time to take her out yet. Maybe he travels all the time for work. Or maybe he's a complete loser dirtbag that she is better off never seeing again. I have no idea. I just wanted to provide another opinion for her to consider. You know what? You are right! Yes I am sort of worked up (my bad) and yes she could have handled this whole thing very differently, and possibly even ended up with the guy!! Possibly. And if you recall I did encourage her to text him, even in my latest posts. I still don't think the hour distance should be a huge deal if you're into someone.... but 100% agree with you on everything else!
Arieswoman Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Lovelorn00, Have you read this book? ;- "It's just a date " by Greg Behrendt You might find it helpful and interesting....
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 I actually get where he's coming from. Here's a girl he met randomly at a concert a few weeks ago. He happens to be back in town, and he really wanted to see her. Sure, he should have planned a date ahead of time. That would have made this all so much easier for lovelorn to figure out. But he didn't. He barely knew her, so he didn't make plans. Does this make him a terrible guy who's "only interested in sex"? I agree, AMJ. There are a lot of "should haves" going on here, according to the rules of dating, and that's where I get into trouble. He should have planned a date in advance, but he didn't. I need to learn that it doesn't necessarily mean anything. My girlfriends' husbands should have done a lot of things during the beginning stages of their relationships, but they didn't. I've heard the stories. They still ended up married, despite their husbands breaking all the rules. I just wanted to provide another opinion for her to consider. And thank you for that. You gave me some things to think about that I hadn't considered before - ways to think outside of "the rules." This situation didn't work out, but you and the other posters have given me some tools to use in these situations going forward. That's precisely the reason I post here.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 Lovelorn00, Have you read this book? ;- "It's just a date " by Greg Behrendt You might find it helpful and interesting.... Thanks, Arieswoman. I have not. I'm not a big fan of his writing style, but I'll check it out.
Versacehottie Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Somewhere in the pages of posts, I got the feeling that you are confused by the quantity and content of all the varying information you get. That tells me one thing that I think you will find helpful: you need to switch the focus inside to yourself--what you want, how you see things--rather than outside to trying to "get" what you think you want (a guy, some peace whatever). The real answer is inside of you once you start examining your own standards and holding people to them. All this other stuff can be confusing if you are trying to come up with the perfect strategy to snag the guy and give you the validation you seek. I know you said you are content with your life but I will tell you honestly (maybe it's just because this started as a rant or that you post when things are not going well) but it sounds like you are operating, in part, as if something is missing from your life, like you are lacking in comparison to your friends, etc. and wondering what is wrong with you. Once you start believing that NOTHING is wrong with you (and i don't really think it is) but yes you've had a few unfortunate things and made some mistakes (who doesn't???) and get clear on your standards with guys. Like your own, not your friends, not this board, not some advice book. I think you will have better dating results if you do this. You just need more confidence. Also don't see guys as the enemy or that most of them are dogs. It's just not true and will definitely affect your dating. The presumption with a thought like that ALWAYS puts you in a "losing" position because it presumes they have the power and won't operate in a straightforward manner. It doesn't entirely matter what they (good guys or not so good ones) will do; what matters is what you will do! Standards, confidence, clarity--get those. That's an internal thing. Good luck,LL. You can do it! 3
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Standards, confidence, clarity--get those. That's an internal thing. Good luck,LL. You can do it! Thanks, Versacehottie. I know I can, I just need to continue with my dating break, as I had planned. During my break, I was super focused on me and enjoyed every minute of it. My thoughts shifted from "what's he thinking?" to "what wonderful meal will I cook for myself tonight?" or "how can I enjoy myself today?" On Saturday, I went for a three-hour drive in the beautiful countryside and was literally giddy with laughter, I was so happy. The drive helped me to reset and to realize that when it comes to my happiness, I got this. My rant was fueled by the fact that I felt blindsided by this guy (whom I still haven't heard from, btw). It took hard work for me to get to a place where I feel content/at peace with my life, and it continues to take hard work every day. I guess I'm just mad at myself for letting my guard down and almost letting this guy ruin all of my hard work. But today is a new day, and this week is a new week. I've vowed to continue becoming the best person that I can be and finding my own happiness. I did it before, I can do it again. 2
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 He has returned. 18 days after our last encounter. 18 days with absolutely no communication. 18 days after he spent the entire weekend running his game on me, he has returned. Said he was going to be in town this weekend, and that he has been a bit of a “recluse” lately. This was via text. How should I handle? Ignore? Call him out on his BS? I really, really want to. Gosh, I want to. But then… the illogical side of my brain is starting to kick in. You know - the part of my brain that lives in fantasy land and gets me into situations that turn into tear-filled rants on Loveshack. “What if this guy is really going through some deep, emotional stuff?” my brain is telling me. We’ve all been there. I’ve definitely been there. When we last spoke, we got into a pretty deep conversation about his time in the military (6 years) and how that has messed him up pretty bad mentally. Not sure if it’s full-blown PTSD, but he admitted to having some difficulty with it. He told me that his parents were visiting soon (last weekend), but that he hates his father with a passion. These are the deep conversations that tricked me into thinking he was really into me (my brain, not just my body). I came to the conclusion that this guy is just a player who’s an expert at faking this kind of intimacy. But… what if… Can someone knock some sense into me, please?
Jejangles Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 He has returned. 18 days after our last encounter. 18 days with absolutely no communication. 18 days after he spent the entire weekend running his game on me, he has returned. Said he was going to be in town this weekend, and that he has been a bit of a “recluse” lately. This was via text. How should I handle? Ignore? Call him out on his BS? I really, really want to. Gosh, I want to. But then… the illogical side of my brain is starting to kick in. You know - the part of my brain that lives in fantasy land and gets me into situations that turn into tear-filled rants on Loveshack. “What if this guy is really going through some deep, emotional stuff?” my brain is telling me. We’ve all been there. I’ve definitely been there. When we last spoke, we got into a pretty deep conversation about his time in the military (6 years) and how that has messed him up pretty bad mentally. Not sure if it’s full-blown PTSD, but he admitted to having some difficulty with it. He told me that his parents were visiting soon (last weekend), but that he hates his father with a passion. These are the deep conversations that tricked me into thinking he was really into me (my brain, not just my body). I came to the conclusion that this guy is just a player who’s an expert at faking this kind of intimacy. But… what if… Can someone knock some sense into me, please? Ignore LL! Even if this guy is going through some deep emotional stuff, it's not in your best interest to get involved in it. Ignore, do not engage, if you need to block his number! 1
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 LL, when people (men and women) get into deep emotional stuff on first or second date, it is NOT because they are into you and feel close (connected) to you. What they are doing (or attempting to do) is creating a false intimacy to draw you in... for men, most likely so you will feel more comfortable having sex, which is precisely what this man attempted to do, is it not? At most he wants (or is hoping for) some no strings sex at his convenience, while he dashes into town occasionally. If that is okay with you, see him. But if you are looking for a solid guy who is truly interested in you and wants to develop something substantive with you (and not just some casual sex at his convenience), then he is NOT the guy for you. For me, I would not respond. In fact, he would have been blocked already after the last episode. 2
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Ignore LL! Even if this guy is going through some deep emotional stuff, it's not in your best interest to get involved in it. Ignore, do not engage, if you need to block his number! Ugh. But it's sooooo hard. I really want to tell him off. Lol I know that the high road would be to not engage, though.
Jejangles Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Ugh. But it's sooooo hard. I really want to tell him off. Lol I know that the high road would be to not engage, though. Yes. I think that if you tell him off, you have to acknowledge that what you are really looking for is a response. You want him to give you a reason to reengage with him. It shows that you are still interested / intrigued / haven't moved on. Nothing good will come from your response. Just delete his message and forget it ever happened. If you keep accepting crumbs, you'll never get the full loaf you want!!! 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 But if you are looking for a solid guy who is truly interested in you and wants to develop something substantive with you (and not just some casual sex at his convenience), then he is NOT the guy for you. For me, I would not respond. In fact, he would have been blocked already after the last episode. I know. I know better, katiegrl. I really do, but there’s this part of me that actually wants to tell him that. Like, “Hey, hadn’t heard from you in a while. I think you should know that I enjoy hanging out with you, but I’m not interested in casual sex,” or something along those lines. If I ignore him, I’ll always wonder what his actual intentions were. I actually did delete his number after I posted this, but I didn’t block. The only reason I knew it was him was because of the area code.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Ugh. But it's sooooo hard. I really want to tell him off. Lol I know that the high road would be to not engage, though. If you tell him off, YOU will be the one looking a bit foolish IMO, not him. You had a couple of dates a few weekends ago. Telling him off would indicate to him you are way more emotionally invested in this (and him) than you need to be. Which will feed is ego more than anything. The best course of action is to remain apathetic toward him, like he was just a mere blip in your otherwise very active and happy life, and you haven't even given him a second thought. Frankly, he doesn't deserve a second thought or any thoughts at this point. If you don't want to block then just ignore.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 I know. I know better, katiegrl. I really do, but there’s this part of me that actually wants to tell him that. Like, “Hey, hadn’t heard from you in a while. I think you should know that I enjoy hanging out with you, but I’m not interested in casual sex,” or something along those lines. If I ignore him, I’ll always wonder what his actual intentions were. I actually did delete his number after I posted this, but I didn’t block. The only reason I knew it was him was because of the area code. I dunno LL, I think it is fairly obvious (at least to me) what his intentions were. And even if you tell him off, how is that going to accomplish finding out what his intentions were? Or are? Do you honestly think he would tell you the truth that he wants a NSS arrangement when he dashes into town? This cannot be said enough on this board. Interested people ACT interested! He has NOT contacted you in over three weeks. Nothing, nada, not even a quick 15 second text message. This is not the behavior of a man who is interested in you or in developing anything other than an occasional FWB with you. If he is he has a very odd way of showing it. But hey, you gotta do what works for you. If you want to send that text, go for it! See how he responds. People are funny, he may like your feistyness! And be turned on by it.... who knows!! 2
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) But hey, you gotta do what works for you. If you want to send that text, go for it! See how he responds. People are funny, he may like your feistyness! And be turned on by it.... who knows!! Case in point. Did you ever see the movie "Goodfellas"? Henry stood Karen up, did not appear to be interested in her at all. Until after being stood up, she angrily marched over to where Henry was hanging out with his friends and proceeded to lambaste him BIG TIME for standing her up. Told him him off, quite aggressively in fact. She was pissed! Apparently, he was turned on by her after that, they started dating and got married! It's not what I would do but hey... you just never know about people. He may respond positively to it. ETA: I realize I am giving mixed advice here.... on one hand, don't send, on the other send. You are probably thinking, ugh!! I guess the bottom line is no matter what anyone else thinks, it's important to learn to trust your own gut and do what works for you. If it blows up in your face, so be it. You took a chance and did what your heart told you to do. On the other hand, like I said, he may like your feistyness. Edited April 12, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 If you tell him off, YOU will be the one looking a bit foolish IMO, not him. You had a couple of dates a few weekends ago. Telling him off would indicate to him you are way more emotionally invested in this (and him) than you need to be. Which will feed is ego more than anything. The best course of action is to remain apathetic toward him, like he was just a mere blip in your otherwise very active and happy life, and you haven't even given him a second thought. Frankly, he doesn't deserve a second thought or any thoughts at this point. If you don't want to block then just ignore. Well, maybe "telling him off" was the wrong choice of words. I just want to make it as clear as possible to him that I'm not looking for casual sex and that I deserve to be with someone who communicates with me more often than once every three weeks. I think I will remain apathetic towards him, which shouldn't be too hard, because I had already moved on. My curiosity is getting the best of me, though. It's the same curiosity that makes me wonder why men think the way that they do. It's the curiosity that makes me think that if I have an actual discussion with him about his behavior, it might give me some insight into why guys do the things that they do.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Case in point. Did you ever see the movie "Goodfellas"? Henry stood Karen up, did not appear to be interested in her at all. Until after being stood up, she angrily marched over to where Henry was hanging out with his friends and proceeded to lambaste him BIG TIME for standing her up. Told him him off, quite aggressively in fact. She was pissed! Apparently, he was turned on by her after that, they started dating and got married! It's not what I would do but hey... you just never know about people. He may respond positively to it. ETA: I realize I am giving mixed advice here.... on one hand, don't send, on the other send. You are probably thinking, ugh!! I guess the bottom line is no matter what anyone else thinks, it's important to learn to trust your own gut and do what works for you. If it blows up in your face, so be it. You took a chance and did what your heart told you to do. On the other hand, like I said, he may like your feistyness. Haha! Yes, it's a little mixed, but I see what you're saying. You really never know with people. What I do know is, I normally don't take those kinds of chances. I normally don't tell men how I feel out of fear of being rejected, and then I end up rejected anyway. In this case, I already feel rejected, so I kind of have nothing to lose. A part of me wants to do something different – do what I normally DON’T do, which is be up front and honest with someone when I feel that they’re treating me in a crappy way. A bit of an experiment, if you will.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) Haha! Yes, it's a little mixed, but I see what you're saying. You really never know with people. What I do know is, I normally don't take those kinds of chances. I normally don't tell men how I feel out of fear of being rejected, and then I end up rejected anyway. In this case, I already feel rejected, so I kind of have nothing to lose. A part of me wants to do something different – do what I normally DON’T do, which is be up front and honest with someone when I feel that they’re treating me in a crappy way. A bit of an experiment, if you will. Exactly. That is how I learned everything I know... (like I'm the be-all-and-end-all of what to do LOL -- NOT!). But seriously, I have done some things that others had advised me against, and it worked out! People respond to different things. My ex for example, LOVED to be called out on his shyt. Even very early on, he LOVED that feistyness in me. Often times I think he was testing me in a way, to see how much I would tolerate. Immature I know, but I really do think some guys do that. Women too! Anyway, I didn't always used to be that way, I used to be passive, always trying to be the cool chick, going with the flow... easy going, nice, etc...... basically what ended up happening is (at least with my first two boyfriends) they took me for granted.... and I became somewhat of a doormat. I know.... me, a doormat, shocking! LOL I ended those relationships but TBH, they didn't treat me all that well. Of course once I broke up with them, they saw the error of their ways and wanted another chance blah blah but by then it was too late. With my third long term boyfriend (my recent ex .... I was still hesitant to speak up until he did something shytty, I let it roll off and he got mad at ME for NOT being mad at him! Something clicked in me after that, and I became super feisty, always speaking my mind, not being afraid to "rock the boat," getting mad when warranted, etc. He loved it and it added a new element of passion to our RL. He found my challenging him very exciting. Not sure how functional that was in retrospect, but point is, some guys really love the feisty girl who speaks her mind, even gets mad once in a while, when warranted. In this case, if you want to say something.... I wouldn't tell him how much you enjoyed spending time with him and that you are not looking for casual. Tell him you didn't appreciate the way he came on so strong, led you to believe you were starting something.... and then disappeared for over three weeks!! Not acceptable. Then tell him you have to run and hang up. Let him stew on that for awhile. Edited April 12, 2016 by katiegrl
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