LoveRefreshed Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I've been with my gf since the end of last september, just over about a half a year now. She's a bit spiritual, I'm not at all, and her parents are catholic. I wasn't going to be excited for Easter dinner with them but as of Thursday, I hadn't been asked. (My parents for Easter isn't an option) I had bought meat and was preparing a dish that required days of preparation and I was going to ask her that night (Thursday) to have dinner with me. I started with inquiring about her family to which she is like "No, I'm not going there, but I am going to my roommates place for her family dinner". Boyfriends aren't invited to family dinner because of my gf's ex had made choices that lacked manners and ruined it for everyone else. So essentially she made plans to have a dinner on a holiday that doesn't include me without talking to me about it before hand. I did tell her I thought the whole 'bf's aren't allowed' thing to be completely childish as it involves me being judged for her ex, who basically took seconds of something before the brother ever got any. She called me that night to invite me over for desert because I think they must have brought up that I was at home alone. I basically said no, I'm not going to come last minute for desert. I feel the invite wasn't a genuine invitation but only an after thought. Further to this, she had dinner with her father last night who lives out of state. She asked me prior (like on Friday or Saturday) to have dinner with them on Monday. I was like sure! Sounds good. Then Sunday before she left for Easter dinner was like "Oh, so Dad and I are just going to meet, but he's sure he can come later this week again for another meal to meet you". I feel it's disrespectful to do that to me. Had she said that they wanted father daughter time, okay, I understand. However, I find the two of them rescheduling me without even discussing it to be presumptuous and that meeting me should have been a priority since he lives on the other side of the country (had she found it important for me to meet him). On principle, I think I will not go this time around. I find it rude. I find both of these interactions to show a complete lack of respect for me, but maybe I'm over reacting. I haven't told her that I'm annoyed by this, and am wondering if this is one of those 'choose your battle' moments and to just let it go.
selinaluv Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Boyfriends aren't invited to family dinner because of my gf's ex had made choices that lacked manners and ruined it for everyone else. How old are you and how old is your girlfriend? I agree that the above is a bit childish. I understand Easter is an important family holiday, but that seems like a silly reason to not invite her current boyfriend of a year and a half to dinner.
kendahke Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Boyfriends aren't invited to family dinner because of my gf's ex had made choices that lacked manners and ruined it for everyone else. Her friend's parents have every right to decide who is or isn't invited to their home. It's their home. Further to this, she had dinner with her father last night who lives out of state. She asked me prior (like on Friday or Saturday) to have dinner with them on Monday. I was like sure! Sounds good. Then Sunday before she left for Easter dinner was like "Oh, so Dad and I are just going to meet, but he's sure he can come later this week again for another meal to meet you". I feel it's disrespectful to do that to me. Her dad's time may have been limited on Monday and he would not be able to have the kind of visit with you he'd like, so he wants to do it when he has more time. Or he may need to discuss something with his daughter that he doesn't feel you need to be a part of. Blood is thicker than water. There is nothing wrong with that. You being in high dudgeon doesn't fit the offense you think happened. Would be different if her dad said he didn't want to meet you ever. I could see being chapped that.
Emilia Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I agree that she is inconsiderate. They sound like a bunch of morons to be honest, not inviting you because of what an ex did? Are they scarred for life? Her flaking is annoying. I'd have a chat and keep an eye on future behaviour. 1
spriggan2 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) What you're describing in my opinion sounds like something worth bringing up...I am sure she would not like to be treated the way she treated you on either occasion, and with both combined I would be concerned enough to speak up about it so it doesn't become a habit. I think its important you establish your boundaries. The no BF at dinner thing is also borderline retarded, and may point to deeper maturity issues or she could be ***** testing you. I doubt it's something she'd have followed through on with a partner that commanded her respect. Don't be a doormat! Edited March 29, 2016 by spriggan2 2
spriggan2 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) Her friend's parents have every right to decide who is or isn't invited to their home. I was confused at first too but if I'm reading it right it's not the GFs friend or parents who's banned BFs. It's the GF herself, banning her current BF from attending any family dinner (even at a friends house apparently) because an ex of hers took a second helping of a meal before her brother was served once. That is ridiculous. The OP also mentioned how they eventually called him later giving him permission to come by for dessert, lmao, presumably because they finally realized what tools they were being. Goodness. OP if this type of treatment is not out of the ordinary I suggest having a serious talk with her about respect/maturity, or even getting the heck out of there. Edited March 29, 2016 by spriggan2 2
Emilia Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I was confused at first too but if I'm reading it right it's not the GFs friend or parents who's banned BFs. It's the GF herself, banning her current BF from attending any family dinner (even at a friends house apparently) because an ex of hers took a second helping of a meal before her brother was served once. That is ridiculous. The OP also mentioned how they eventually called him later giving him permission to come by for dessert, lmao, presumably because they finally realized what tools they were being. Goodness. OP if this type of treatment is not out of the ordinary I suggest having a serious talk with her about respect/maturity, or even getting the heck out of there. Oh just read it again. She is an idiot. OP, why are you bothering? 1
Author LoveRefreshed Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Her friend's parents have every right to decide who is or isn't invited to their home. It's their home. I wholeheartedly agree. My issue is that, even though I'm not religious, it doesn't mean I wouldn't want to spend some time with my GF on a day where most people are spending with their family. I'm disappointed that she didn't even talk to me about what I may want to do on a Holiday before making plans to have dinner at a place I'm not invited to for no fault of my own. I find it inconsiderate. And to those confused, yes not my gf's parents, but her roommate (and my soon to be roommate's parents house is where I"m not invited because her 36 year old bf ate the last sausage and made her roommates 37 year old brother upset, wow childish) And while I do take the comment about it seriously about running because of this, I do want to say that my gf had also acknowledged the childishness of it. Her dad's time may have been limited on Monday and he would not be able to have the kind of visit with you he'd like, so he wants to do it when he has more time. Or he may need to discuss something with his daughter that he doesn't feel you need to be a part of. Blood is thicker than water. There is nothing wrong with that. Her Dad and her were both planning on meeting me when they just had one single day to do it. When he got the extra day, they flaked on me and assumed I was fine with rescheduling. Someone flaked on me and recommitted my time as they saw appropriate. I think that is disrespectful. I feel like the second dinner and the invite to desert are bullcrap afterthoughts and I think it is being inconsiderate but not sure if I'm over reacting but I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who would be annoyed.
thecrucible Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I think this is the GF and not her family. By my reading of it she seems like the kind of person to say things without thinking about it. In other words, she doesn't put much value in what she says and doesn't think about sticking to her word. I have a few friends like this and hey I just got used to it so if they suggest going somewhere or doing something, I don't get all excited about it and I always have a plan B. It could be that she invited you to go for dinner with her and her father without having asked him first then she mentioned it to him, he may have requested that he only catch-up with his daughter and arrange for them all to go together another time. Either that or she can't make her mind up about whether to introduce you to her family.
Emilia Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 She acknowledged the childishness but she is carrying on in the same vein regardless? Sounds like the parents raised some seriously entitled children. Both your gf and her brother sound unpleasantly self absorbed who can't deal with conflict. I'd have zero interest in that.
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