Got [a woman] pregnant

[kidm]

I hate to tell you this but relinquishing your parental rights doesn't absolve you from paying child support. You cannot get rid of your child support obligations through contract either even if the other person consents. Such contracts are consistently found to be unenforceable unless the person was an anonymous donor or something of that sort. Basically even if you decided you don't want the child and she has it, she can pursue you for child support. You better start treating her more humanely especially if she decides to keep the child.

[kendahke]

Are you certain that this is your child? How far along is she? Have you done the maths for this to determine that only you could be the child's father?

 

Just read your response after I posted the above.

 

Seeing that you're certain that you are the father, then it's a bit too late for wanting her out of your life.

 

You had unprotected sex with her. You created a child with her. The child deserves to be supported.

 

The fact that you've decided to get back with your ex or you saying she has a mental illness is non sequitur to your obligations to your child.

 

I feel sorry for this baby. Poor child doesn't deserve to be born into this hell.

[Jabron1]

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree here. It's more complicated than just telling her to go away. If he is, in fact, the father of this child, he may well have a legal obligation if a court rules in her favor. If he wants to NOT have that legal obligation, he needs to have the appropriate legal paperwork signed to waive his rights as a parent, and waive her right to sue for child support in the future.

 

Well, if he doesn't want this situation, then he walks away. And when they catch up with him for child support (assuming that it's his - might not be?) he'll just have to pay it.

 

I don't see how it's that complicated to be honest.

[GorillaTheater]

Well, if he doesn't want this situation, then he walks away. And when they catch up with him for child support (assuming that it's his - might not be?) he'll just have to pay it.

 

I don't see how it's that complicated to be honest.

 

 

Because just because you don't want a situation doesn't relieve you of adult responsibilities, including being willing to communicate with the woman you knocked up.

[Jabron1]

Because just because you don't want a situation doesn't relieve you of adult responsibilities, including being willing to communicate with the woman you knocked up.

 

I agree that he needs to talk to her, and stop ignoring her.

[LostOnes05]

[]You got a woman pregnant, so man up. She needs your support regardless of her final decision. Surely if you got along long enough to have sex with her, you can get along long enough to help her during this time. Even if you don't do it for her, do it for the child growing inside of her that shares your DNA.[]

Edited March 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Lanugage and civility - member suspended

[elaine567]

He needs to be a man and accept his responsibilities here, he shouldn't need "chased" for child support payments, what sort of a man is that???

[Johncaribou]

You can get false positives? All my googling told me they are not really possible. She had three including a digital one in her purse that were positive then took another one at my house that turned positive.

 

I asked about a doctor . She said " if your concern is if I'm actually pregnant, or how far along I am, then I will gladly make an appt. however, if I terminate, I will be going to the private clinic and would rather my family doctor not be involved". We do live in an anti choice area. So I don't know.

[elaine567]

Home pregnancy kits are actually very accurate. False positives are very rare.

How accurate are home pregnancy tests? - Health questions - NHS Choices

[Jejangles]

A false positive is incredibly unlikely. Usually when a woman sees a positive then later tests negative it's because she reabsorbed the egg / fetus. So she was pregnant, it just didn't take. I would proceed under the assumption that she is pregnant and it is yours.

 

You need to speak to her, support her and help her make her decision. You chose to have sex with her, even though you wanted nothing more to do with her, and now you need to deal with the repercussions. Avoiding her and trying to make her out as crazy makes you look really bad to be honest...

 

Step up and do what's right, don't ignore her. Discuss the options and support her when she gets stressed out. She is trying to make one of the most difficult decisions a woman can make, don't make things even more difficult for her.

[Jabron1]

He needs to be a man and accept his responsibilities here, he shouldn't need "chased" for child support payments, what sort of a man is that???

 

The problem is that your perception of 'a man' is based solely on female convenience. 'Man up!'.... but only when it suits.

 

Lets be straight. 36 year old women is sleeping around with one or more men, using no birth control whatsoever. Personally, I don't believe in 'accidental pregnancies'.

 

The most important decision a woman can make in life is 'who will be the father of my children?'. This woman has chosen an unemployed guy, whom she enjoys smoking weed and having casual sex with. They don't even have a proper relationship.

 

He should have worn a condom. That way he wouldn't have gotten into this situation to begin with.

 

Every single decision about that child is now out of his hands. Whether she decides to keep it or not, whether she decides to allow him any custody, etc.

 

His only decision now, is to be a part of it, or not. That is completely his choice.

[Johncaribou]

Here's the timeline. She came over on a Wednesday night. We argued in the morning , she came over to me naked and I laid her on the bed. She said " come here" meaning she wanted me to kiss her. I got angry. She ranted the whole drive home about how I made her feel like a wh**re.

 

To clarify, yes we had been having sex regularly leading up to that.

 

 

That Sunday she came by to pick her up stuff, and asked if we could talk later that night. I said text me around 11. She was out with a friend, and texted me around 10:45 asking if she could run up to get her stuff, as she had forgotten a couple of things . I didn't answer.

 

The next day, Monday, she came over and we had really good sex. I drove her home. I told her the night before she had me angry. She said " why?" And I told her that her texting me twice when I was clearly busy had ticked me off. She said " no. I was driving by your house on my way home and your car and lights were on. Had you answered my texts, you may have been relieved to know I was genuinely just going to grab my things , seeing you were home".

 

I did avoid her for a couple of days, I won't lie. She then knocked on my door Thursday afternoon and said " we need to talk". That's when she told me of pregnancy.

 

I received a few angry texts about me avoiding her when it would have been more simple to of just had the conversation.

 

We got together that following Monday, we talked about the abortion, she asked about signing over parental rights.

 

I dog sat for her wed-Friday. She offered to pay, I said no.

 

Dropping the dog off is when we had the conversation about the weed. She texted the next day asking about it. Then texted saying she had to talk about the pregnancy. I didn't answer when she called, then I received the long rambling texts about other options.

 

She called again last night, I didn't take the call.

 

All I can assume is she will call again tonight. What is there to discuss?? I don't want a child, period.

[carhill]

You can get false positives? All my googling told me they are not really possible. She had three including a digital one in her purse that were positive then took another one at my house that turned positive.

 

I asked about a doctor . She said " if your concern is if I'm actually pregnant, or how far along I am, then I will gladly make an appt. however, if I terminate, I will be going to the private clinic and would rather my family doctor not be involved". We do live in an anti choice area. So I don't know.

Addressing this in a methodical manner ensures, one, verification and, two, as others have suggested, that the situation be addressed in an adult manner. At the end, though, accepting that she has the decision making power over her body totally within her control is key to a positive outcome, regardless of legality or social pressure or anything. What she does is up to her. If you want her to 'go away', as it seems you do, working the process in a manner which causes her to go away is your mission. Only you know all the details of how to best go about that. Apparently, what's going on so far isn't working. Try something else.

[GorillaTheater]

All I can assume is she will call again tonight. What is there to discuss?? I don't want a child, period.

 

 

How about simply be willing to listen? Her thoughts may well be something of a jumble, and she might feel better being able to talk through it.

 

 

That doesn't seem like too much to ask.

[Johncaribou]

She said " this whole thing has been demoralizing, trying to talk to you about it".

 

Why keep trying to get in touch then??

[Johncaribou]

Oh and here's the latest text " I have some good news for you. Can I call quickly? "

 

No. This has shown she is crazy.

[GorillaTheater]

She said " this whole thing has been demoralizing, trying to talk to you about it".

 

Why keep trying to get in touch then??

 

 

Because despite the fact that you're effectively blowing her off, she still feels the need to talk to you about it. If she's good enough to schtup, she's good enough to listen to.

[carhill]

Attachment or desire for contact can come from all sorts of places. If she didn't desire contact, you'd be erased. Something impels her to reach out to you when plenty of folks could serve as receptacle for her current dilemma.

 

Do you have any past experience with pregnancy to draw upon for guidance?

[strawberryshortstack]

Home pregnancy kits are actually very accurate. False positives are very rare.

How accurate are home pregnancy tests? - Health questions - NHS Choices

 

 

Rare and unlikely, yes, but still possible. I was really only explaining why he might want to have an official medical diagnosis, not meaning to imply that it was likely to be a false positive.

 

Chances are very good that it was correct, but to address another poster's response, this doesn't mean it's his.

[strawberryshortstack]

She said " this whole thing has been demoralizing, trying to talk to you about it".

 

Why keep trying to get in touch then??

 

 

Because she needs your help/support. If you can't see that, you're truly heartless and cold. Talk to the woman, help her through it, and then once the situation is resolved, walk away.

[William]

Folks, I've already suspended two members for uncalled for comments in here and we'll be having none of that. If members are going to call for the thread starter to address their interpersonal relationship issue in an adult manner, well it's incumbent upon members to address the thread starter in an adult manner consistent with our guidelines.

 

Bottom line - call them a troll or use non-conforming language to berate them and you're suspended. Don't do it. Thanks!

[strawberryshortstack]

Oh and here's the latest text " I have some good news for you. Can I call quickly? "

 

No. This has shown she is crazy.

 

 

How does any of this show that she is crazy? All it shows me is that she wants help making this decision, because (and I speak from experience) this is a VERY difficult decision to make!

 

She wants you involved because you're the one who helped her get into the situation!

[Johncaribou]

No experience with pregnancy. Which makes this all the crazier.

 

When she came over last Wednesday she said she had had some " spotting" and was hoping that it was impeding miscarriage , as ultimately that would be the best outcome. She talks so much it's hard to follow at times. She mentioned something about when her and her ex husband were trying to conceive the miscarried pregnancies had felt different, and was hoping this one would follow suit, but was still getting positive tests after the spotting.

 

How much do you want to bet this " good news?" Was a miscarriage? All I want to know now is how she got the positive test. Psycho.

[strawberryshortstack]

No experience with pregnancy. Which makes this all the crazier.

 

When she came over last Wednesday she said she had had some " spotting" and was hoping that it was impeding miscarriage , as ultimately that would be the best outcome. She talks so much it's hard to follow at times. She mentioned something about when her and her ex husband were trying to conceive the miscarried pregnancies had felt different, and was hoping this one would follow suit, but was still getting positive tests after the spotting.

 

How much do you want to bet this " good news?" Was a miscarriage? All I want to know now is how she got the positive test. Psycho.

 

None of this makes her psycho. How did she get the positive test? By having unprotected sex while she was fertile. Presumably with you. So call her and find out what her good news is - because if it was a miscarriage, you're off the hook and can then blissfully ignore her without a care in the world.

[Johncaribou]

Can I call the police if she shows up at my place?