Author Fuerza Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Or as Gaeta said.... a pen pal. I mean think about it, if he had no time to meet due to sick relative, working two jobs or whatevs, then why be active on a dating site in the first place? No hun, he may (or may not) be telling you the truth about these things, but nevertheless, if he were interested in meeting you, he would be! That's what I asked him, he said 'I had no expectations really, just see what online dating was about, relax, meet fun people and if something good comes out of it (like a relationship) I'll accept that too'. He made a joke how he'd have to work on the 'how me met story' because he'd be too embarrassed to tell everyone he met his partner online haha Anyways I really don't care, he's not my only horse I'm betting on and if he happens to be lying or just wants a penpal then so be it really. This is just the first time where a guy won't meet up right away and I just had a "hu? :confused:" moment!
strawberryshortstack Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Whoa that's creepy! But no worries, I've facetimed with him, talked to him on the phone, we've added each other on facebook & snapchat so he's definitely not a catfish. It's my rule really when I meet someone online, they have to prove they are real by at least facetiming, skyping whatever. Good tip for people (& me) that are not sure they are being catfished or not though! Phone numbers can be masked or faked, FB doesn't verify locations. None of this is a guarantee that you aren't being catfished. So you can see he's a real person, but that doesn't mean he's the person he tells you he is, or that he's in the location he is telling you. 1
katiegrl Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) I can't help but laugh at your comment, he's not a scam artist We live in the same country and it just so happens to be he has someone in his family that is sick and he's taking care of that person now. He might by lying to me about this to get out of meeting up with me but he'd get nothing out of that (he'd miss out getting to know a super awesome chick like me )! So no worries, he's real, he's not asking for money or talking gibberish English. I believe you that he's real Fuerza.... and no probably not scamming you either. What we are trying to tell you that there are many many people on line who are simply looking for an on line romantic RL... not a real life in person RL. And they find it too! Just read these boards. There are many threads started by people who have been in these on-line relationships for one-two years! Sometimes longer! Never ever met despite living relatively close....but yet they claim they're in love, maybe even feel like they are in love -- but the fact remains they have NEVER met in person. Is this what you want? Again, think about it please. If he were NOT able to actually meet due to sick relative, then why the hell be on the dating site in the first place? Where the idea is to chat and then actually MEET, in person. Answer: To develop an on-line RL... as opposed to a real life RL. Just because he is taking care of a sick relative, does that mean he has to forfeit his entire social life? He can't take 30 minutes to meet you for heaven's sake? Does this make sense to you? Trust me, if he wanted to actually meet you IN PERSON, he would be finding a way to meet you! But your call. If you want to believe him, and believe his excuses for not wanting to meet in person, your prerogative. Frankly I think he's full of crap, but I am not the one dating him. Good luck!! Edited March 29, 2016 by katiegrl 1
LydiaLong Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I've read a lot about online scams. They always claim to live near you but they're 'working out of the country.' Eventually when they gain your confidence they'll come up with some crisis that requires you to send them money. They lost their credit cards, their child is sick, etc. Please read up on online scams. Don't be naive. If he asks you to send him money, run.
Author Fuerza Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Whoa this was unexpected! I very subtly send him a message that I wanted to do something because I was bored and he said he had time and that I could meet up with him So we ended up meeting up yesterday night and he's super sweet!! A bit on the shy side but he's hilarious, he made me laugh so many times He also explained the situation with his relative which I will not go into detail but it's someone he takes care of 24/7. In short, I respect this guy and I'm glad I ended up meeting him in real life. On to the next date! 2
smackie9 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Whoa this was unexpected! I very subtly send him a message that I wanted to do something because I was bored and he said he had time and that I could meet up with him So we ended up meeting up yesterday night and he's super sweet!! A bit on the shy side but he's hilarious, he made me laugh so many times He also explained the situation with his relative which I will not go into detail but it's someone he takes care of 24/7. In short, I respect this guy and I'm glad I ended up meeting him in real life. On to the next date! Good for you! Nice to see a positive ending to a thread. Best of luck
MissBee Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) Here's my dilemma: Finally met a guy online that I actually want to meet up with(actually eager). We've been talking for weeks, find out many common grounds and both have admitted that we were shocked that we found someone online where it wasn't just superficial contact and where there is actually a connection. Great, right? On to the next step, meeting up! For some reason meeting up with this guy is not that easy, I've asked but then nothing comes out of it usually he'll say 'I'd like that, but I'd have to see if I'm able to' and then will hear nothing. At this point it kind of sounds to me like he's scared to meet up... I don't want to push it too much and make him run but I'm really sick of the text convo's and just want to meet up already. We both got out of a crappy relationship and I'm thinking he's just taking it easy now and therefore not really in the mood to meet up? Opinions on how I carefully tread this? I wouldn't tread it at all. If someone is scared to meet up, is that person someone you should be investing in? Why is he online? Just to have a pen pal? I get that people need time after a bad break up, great, don't join dating sites then and try to date. I wouldn't make excuses for his behavior and would see it as a red flag personally. It usually spells trouble at worst and disinterest at the least when someone avoids meeting up even when you've blatantly asked. A man who was as eager as you are (which is what you want) would have jumped at the offer ,or if for some reason he couldn't (no one is that busy to not even be able to meet for 1 hour) he would be all too eager to find a time that works. That this guy makes excuses and can't either means: he is married or in a relationship and lying about it so can't meet, is online simply to chat but not really meet, is not who he says he is, or isn't really that into you. None of the reasons someone would do this spell a positive outcome basically. If he is too scared, it's bad. If he's a liar, it's bad. Not interested, bad. All the reasons are bad. Edited to add: if he has two jobs and a terminally ill relative...why is he online looking to date???? Who would have the time? How long do you all chat for? Look, if this is true, God Bless him, but people who pretend to be others online often come up with these sad stories of their own terminal illness, someone else's or just some down on their luck stuff to explain their continued hesitancy to meet, then come to find out, all along they were lying. If you've never watched the MTV series Catfish, please do. Or get on Youtube and look up "real life Catfish" stories of people who have met and had "great connections" online with folks they'd never met and who supposedly lived in the same city but could not meet up for months and even years sometimes and every time they plan to meet something tragic happens like a relative dies, they lost their job or some other thing and then turns out they had been lying since day one. As others have said: rule of thumb, don't emotionally invest in someone you haven't as yet met and walk away if someone lives in the same city or town or not that far but has avoided meeting you after consistent communication. It is NEVER a good reason why. Edited March 30, 2016 by MissBee
MissBee Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Whoa this was unexpected! I very subtly send him a message that I wanted to do something because I was bored and he said he had time and that I could meet up with him So we ended up meeting up yesterday night and he's super sweet!! A bit on the shy side but he's hilarious, he made me laugh so many times He also explained the situation with his relative which I will not go into detail but it's someone he takes care of 24/7. In short, I respect this guy and I'm glad I ended up meeting him in real life. On to the next date! Just saw this, okay good!
Author Fuerza Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 I wouldn't tread it at all. If someone is scared to meet up, is that person someone you should be investing in? Why is he online? Just to have a pen pal? I get that people need time after a bad break up, great, don't join dating sites then and try to date. I wouldn't make excuses for his behavior and would see it as a red flag personally. It usually spells trouble at worst and disinterest at the least when someone avoids meeting up even when you've blatantly asked. A man who was as eager as you are (which is what you want) would have jumped at the offer ,or if for some reason he couldn't (no one is that busy to not even be able to meet for 1 hour) he would be all too eager to find a time that works. That this guy makes excuses and can't either means: he is married or in a relationship and lying about it so can't meet, is online simply to chat but not really meet, is not who he says he is, or isn't really that into you. None of the reasons someone would do this spell a positive outcome basically. If he is too scared, it's bad. If he's a liar, it's bad. Not interested, bad. All the reasons are bad. Edited to add: if he has two jobs and a terminally ill relative...why is he online looking to date???? Who would have the time? How long do you all chat for? Look, if this is true, God Bless him, but people who pretend to be others online often come up with these sad stories of their own terminal illness, someone else's or just some down on their luck stuff to explain their continued hesitancy to meet, then come to find out, all along they were lying. If you've never watched the MTV series Catfish, please do. Or get on Youtube and look up "real life Catfish" stories of people who have met and had "great connections" online with folks they'd never met and who supposedly lived in the same city but could not meet up for months and even years sometimes and every time they plan to meet something tragic happens like a relative dies, they lost their job or some other thing and then turns out they had been lying since day one. As others have said: rule of thumb, don't emotionally invest in someone you haven't as yet met and walk away if someone lives in the same city or town or not that far but has avoided meeting you after consistent communication. It is NEVER a good reason why. Why would he not? Yes, he has some things to deal with in his life but I can imagine taking care of someone (at his age) can be quite suffocating so talking to people on dating sites or apps can be a nice fresh breath of air. What is he supposed to do, just do nothing talk to no one and just deal with life? He told me during the date that he used apps like Tinder too and the girls wanted to meet right away and he just didn't want to nor did he have the time. They showed zero empathy for his situation which I think is a bit superficial. I think it's also a bit too pessimistic to say that once a person says there is some stuff going on in their life, that they are probably lying. I'm one of those girls that had to cancel once because I got into the hospital for a week and the guy I was talking to back then responded really respectful and we postponed our date (luckily). So maybe that's why I understood this guy's situation with his relative more, because I had a better perspective. Life just gets in the way sometimes and at this moment I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt. I respect him for what he does at his age and it's a treat I'd like to see in my future partner.
katiegrl Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Whoa this was unexpected! I very subtly send him a message that I wanted to do something because I was bored and he said he had time and that I could meet up with him So we ended up meeting up yesterday night and he's super sweet!! A bit on the shy side but he's hilarious, he made me laugh so many times He also explained the situation with his relative which I will not go into detail but it's someone he takes care of 24/7. In short, I respect this guy and I'm glad I ended up meeting him in real life. On to the next date! Wow what a coincidence! After weeks of texting... he says this: I've asked but then nothing comes out of it usually he'll say 'I'd like that, but I'd have to see if I'm able to' and then will hear nothing. Which prompts you to create a thread, yesterday, confused, with virtually all of us advising you that he is just looking for a pen pal, or simply not interested in meeting you in person. But then miraculously last night, immediately after hearing all our wise advise that he's probably only interested in a pen pal RL, he agrees to meet you!! That is quite the coincidence.... but hey good for you, hope it all works out!!
katiegrl Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) Why would he not? Yes, he has some things to deal with in his life but I can imagine taking care of someone (at his age) can be quite suffocating so talking to people on dating sites or apps can be a nice fresh breath of air. What is he supposed to do, just do nothing talk to no one and just deal with life? He told me during the date that he used apps like Tinder too and the girls wanted to meet right away and he just didn't want to nor did he have the time. They showed zero empathy for his situation which I think is a bit superficial. I think it's also a bit too pessimistic to say that once a person says there is some stuff going on in their life, that they are probably lying. I'm one of those girls that had to cancel once because I got into the hospital for a week and the guy I was talking to back then responded really respectful and we postponed our date (luckily). So maybe that's why I understood this guy's situation with his relative more, because I had a better perspective. Life just gets in the way sometimes and at this moment I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt. I respect him for what he does at his age and it's a treat I'd like to see in my future partner. Why so defensive? We were all wrong, as you met him last night, right? So this should all be moot, no need to get so defensive anymore. Good luck! Edited March 30, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Fuerza Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Wow what a coincidence! After weeks of texting... he says this: Which prompts you to create a thread, yesterday, confused, with virtually all of us advising you that he is just looking for a pen pal, or simply not interested in meeting you in person. But then miraculously last night, immediately after hearing all our wise advise that he's probably only interested in a pen pal RL, he agrees to meet you!! That is quite the coincidence.... but hey good for you, hope it all works out!! Ehm... Someone's a bit paranoid lol. I'm only defensive because I know what it is to be severely ill and not be able to meet up right away but still wanting to get to know people and hopefully meet someday. That and the fact that I have quite some respect for this guy after meeting up with him. We'll see where this goes, thanks
katiegrl Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) Ehm... Someone's a bit paranoid lol. I'm only defensive because I know what it is to be severely ill and not be able to meet up right away but still wanting to get to know people and hopefully meet someday. That and the fact that I have quite some respect for this guy after meeting up with him. We'll see where this goes, thanks LOL, what am I paranoid about... I have nothing to be paranoid about. Just stating the facts... and hey you gotta admit, it IS quite the coincidence. I mean after weeks of finding excuses not to meet (okay reasons ), suddenly immediately after you start a thread about it, he agrees to meet. That's a huge coincidence.... but hey no skin off my back.... Again, good luck hope it all works out for ya! Edited March 30, 2016 by katiegrl
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