Fuerza Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Here's my dilemma: Finally met a guy online that I actually want to meet up with(actually eager). We've been talking for weeks, find out many common grounds and both have admitted that we were shocked that we found someone online where it wasn't just superficial contact and where there is actually a connection. Great, right? On to the next step, meeting up! For some reason meeting up with this guy is not that easy, I've asked but then nothing comes out of it usually he'll say 'I'd like that, but I'd have to see if I'm able to' and then will hear nothing. At this point it kind of sounds to me like he's scared to meet up... I don't want to push it too much and make him run but I'm really sick of the text convo's and just want to meet up already. We both got out of a crappy relationship and I'm thinking he's just taking it easy now and therefore not really in the mood to meet up? Opinions on how I carefully tread this?
Emilia Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Yes, move on and talk to guys that don't waste your time. Even better, build a bigger social circle. 7
samantha_t85 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Personally, I'm willing to bet he is actually still in said "crappy relationship." 7
sunshine2 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 He is either still in a relationship or married. I had this happen a few times. Some of these people on OLD just want chat buddies. They will text for days then just disappear. If someone doesn't want to meet within a week or so after feeling a connection, I move on. 4
SwordofFlame Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 He doesn't want to meet you. If he wanted to meet you, you two would have met already. Move on. 5
salparadise Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Don't over analyze it. People who won't meet after two weeks of conversation have some kind of issue that you don't need to suffer... and especially a guy! Usually it's women who are reluctant and the guys are trying to figure out how to make the meeting happen. It's possible that he's not who he represents himself to be... otherwise why not? It's either that or he's broken and unavailable. Doesn't matter; it's all the same to you––NEXT! Seriously. He's probably even less available than his online behavior would indicate. 4
Jejangles Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Agreed with all the others, move on. There could be lots of different reasons why he won't meet but really it doesn't matter. If you want an in-person relationship, you need to chat to guys online who are willing to meet within a reasonable time (ideally within a week, maximum two weeks unless there is a good reason like a vacation). If they won't meet, stop chatting and move on. And be very wary of "great connections" with people you haven't met. They could be anyone. Safeguard your heart and be careful until you have met them in person and got to know them a little more. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 This guy is a waste of your time and energy. Move on from it and meet other people. Truth is its highly unlikely you will ever meet in person. Time to get with reality and go out with people you can touch and hold. Do not bother with this one at all just don't answer and move on.
salparadise Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Just to give you an example of how it works... my girlfriend "liked" my profile. I sent her a message. Asked her out in the first message, no chit-chat. She agreed. A few more messages to arrange the time/place. We met. We dated. Six months of zero bull$hit dating now and it's wonderful. Not everyone is going to be that decisive, but a few messages is all it takes for people who are actually interested in dating. 7
kendahke Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Here's my dilemma: Finally met a guy online that I actually want to meet up with(actually eager). We've been talking for weeks, find out many common grounds and both have admitted that we were shocked that we found someone online where it wasn't just superficial contact and where there is actually a connection. Great, right? On to the next step, meeting up! For some reason meeting up with this guy is not that easy, I've asked but then nothing comes out of it usually he'll say 'I'd like that, but I'd have to see if I'm able to' and then will hear nothing. At this point it kind of sounds to me like he's scared to meet up... I don't want to push it too much and make him run but I'm really sick of the text convo's and just want to meet up already. We both got out of a crappy relationship and I'm thinking he's just taking it easy now and therefore not really in the mood to meet up? Opinions on how I carefully tread this? He's a catfish. You're never going to meet him because he doesn't live near you, if in your country at all. and don't settle for skyping because it can be faked and blamed on bad reception. If he won't meet you by this weekend, dump him, block him, stop dealing with him. Nothing good is going to come of this.
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 An online dating site is to MEET. Not to make penpals. This guy is still in a relationship, he's a waste of your time. Do not build a connection online. Make contact and meet within a few days. A man doesn't ask you to meet up over a coffee after a couple of days of chatting isn't worth your time. 3
Author Fuerza Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Thanks guys! I've met people in rl also, but haven't had a "click" so been trying the online route too. This is just a first where the guy doesn't want to meet up really, so had some question marks! And I'm way too impatient to keep the convo going through text all the time, so damn boring. Ohwell have a date tomorrow anyways, something to look forward to!
strawberryshortstack Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Here's my dilemma: Finally met a guy online that I actually want to meet up with(actually eager). We've been talking for weeks, find out many common grounds and both have admitted that we were shocked that we found someone online where it wasn't just superficial contact and where there is actually a connection. Great, right? On to the next step, meeting up! For some reason meeting up with this guy is not that easy, I've asked but then nothing comes out of it usually he'll say 'I'd like that, but I'd have to see if I'm able to' and then will hear nothing. At this point it kind of sounds to me like he's scared to meet up... I don't want to push it too much and make him run but I'm really sick of the text convo's and just want to meet up already. We both got out of a crappy relationship and I'm thinking he's just taking it easy now and therefore not really in the mood to meet up? Opinions on how I carefully tread this? Scared to meet, perhaps. But more likely, he's married or in a relationship. Does he only text you during certain hours? Or disappear abruptly for hours at a time? 1
strawberryshortstack Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Just to give you an example of how it works... my girlfriend "liked" my profile. I sent her a message. Asked her out in the first message, no chit-chat. She agreed. A few more messages to arrange the time/place. We met. We dated. Six months of zero bull$hit dating now and it's wonderful. Not everyone is going to be that decisive, but a few messages is all it takes for people who are actually interested in dating. This is similar to how my current relationship started. He sent the first message - we sent a few messages back and forth, but he asked to meet in the first message. We set a date/time/place, but continued to converse in the meantime. We met, we liked each other, the very next day he asked when he could see me again. And even though we started dating just before the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season, we had very little trouble finding time to see each other, because we both wanted it and weren't afraid to admit it. No games, and it's been wonderful for 5 months now. 1
Author Fuerza Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Scared to meet, perhaps. But more likely, he's married or in a relationship. Does he only text you during certain hours? Or disappear abruptly for hours at a time? He's definitely more on the shy side but if he claims he's eager to get to know me and really curious then why not just meet up? I mean you have to just gather that courage together and just do it at some point. I'm also not a chaser, the guy has to want it for himself. Nope, he's very available, responds pretty quickly keeps the convo going etc. He's the type of guy that says goodmorning and goodnight every single day and asks about my day too.
Author Fuerza Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Oh man I feel a bit ashamed... Apparently a relative of him is terminal so he's been taking care of this person while having 2 jobs. Still a bit reserved if he's still with 1 foot or not in his last relationship though.
selinaluv Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Nope, he's very available, responds pretty quickly keeps the convo going etc. He's the type of guy that says goodmorning and goodnight every single day and asks about my day too. What's funny is in my (limited, but growing) experience it's the ones that do this that are the flakes who disappear. The serious ones talk in person, not text. Maybe I meet them, maybe not. But the casual conversation texters are rarely serious about anything more. Something is up if he doesn't propose to meet within a week of chatting online. 2
strawberryshortstack Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 He's definitely more on the shy side but if he claims he's eager to get to know me and really curious then why not just meet up? I mean you have to just gather that courage together and just do it at some point. I'm also not a chaser, the guy has to want it for himself. Nope, he's very available, responds pretty quickly keeps the convo going etc. He's the type of guy that says goodmorning and goodnight every single day and asks about my day too. Well, you have to make a decision then. Is it worth it to you to wait until he's ready to meet? If not, it's time to walk away. If so, then you'll have to be patient. I'd also like to mention that, if it's not obvious from my username, I'm also shy. But if I'm really interested in someone - I'll meet them right away, or after no more than a week (two if circumstances just won't allow it, but that's my limit - any longer than that, and it's usually because there's a third person involved, in my experience).
kendahke Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Oh man I feel a bit ashamed... Apparently a relative of him is terminal so he's been taking care of this person while having 2 jobs. Still a bit reserved if he's still with 1 foot or not in his last relationship though. IF you want to check that you're talking to who he says he is, upload a short little video to your YouTube channel--it can be about whatever. Make it so that only the person you give the link to can view it. Give him the link and tell him to look at it. In 3 days, go in and check the Google analytics and it will tell you where it was viewed, how many times it was viewed and for how long it was viewed. You will know what area of the world he's in. A catfish that I ran across was able to call me morning and night, too. Had a phone with an area code for Bowie Maryland. Had all kinds of stories about sick relatives, working out of the country, blah blah blah. He was living in Ghana/Benin area because that's where the video was viewed. Oh, and how is his English?
katiegrl Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Great, right? On to the next step, meeting up! For some reason meeting up with this guy is not that easy, I've asked but then nothing comes out of it usually he'll say 'I'd like that, but I'd have to see if I'm able to' and then will hear nothing. ^^This is the part where you decide to stop communicating with him, block, delete, NEXT. Gawd, if people would only stop wasting their precious time with these losers who clearly, CLEARLY have no intention of meeting up (no he's not scared, jeez).... then there would be A LOT less confusion and frustration, disappointment, hurt. Use your noggin.... when a guy (or gal) puts up obstacles to meeting such as this, then he/she obviously does not want to meet (for whatever reason), has no intention of meeting.... and you should simply move on. 2
Author Fuerza Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 IF you want to check that you're talking to who he says he is, upload a short little video to your YouTube channel--it can be about whatever. Make it so that only the person you give the link to can view it. Give him the link and tell him to look at it. In 3 days, go in and check the Google analytics and it will tell you where it was viewed, how many times it was viewed and for how long it was viewed. You will know what area of the world he's in. A catfish that I ran across was able to call me morning and night, too. Had a phone with an area code for Bowie Maryland. Had all kinds of stories about sick relatives, working out of the country, blah blah blah. He was living in Ghana/Benin area because that's where the video was viewed. Oh, and how is his English? Whoa that's creepy! But no worries, I've facetimed with him, talked to him on the phone, we've added each other on facebook & snapchat so he's definitely not a catfish. It's my rule really when I meet someone online, they have to prove they are real by at least facetiming, skyping whatever. Good tip for people (& me) that are not sure they are being catfished or not though!
LydiaLong Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 He could also be one of those Somalian scammers. Has he asked you for money?
salparadise Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Had all kinds of stories about sick relatives, working out of the country, blah blah blah. He was living in Ghana/Benin area because that's where the video was viewed. Well aren't you the master detective Cat fishing is a big industry in Ghana and West Africa. They're all over OKC now too. Used to be that they didn't populate OKC much because it was tightly managed and the time investment in creating a credible profile was too great. Anytime you see a profile with only one or two photos, minimal written text that's somewhat generic, no questions answered or only a few, suspect scammers. They will try to move you to email immediately because they know the profile will be deleted. I used to wonder who in the hell would fall for this stuff, but I met a woman once who was taken by one of these scammers. She had a lot of time invested with the guy. He was overseas on business and ran into some bad luck and started asking her to send money. She sent a small amount a couple of times, and then he went for a larger amount and she got suspicious. She had someone investigate and sure enough it was a catfish. She wasn't a stupid person at all, just a bit naive and optimistic––wanting to believe that she had found a real connection. OP, I think you should push for a live meeting soon. If he continues to evade then cut him off. What you describe sounds suspicious.
katiegrl Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 This is typical stories from a scam artist. If they intend to date you but don't arrange to meet in person within a week - you are being set up for their scam. Or as Gaeta said.... a pen pal. I mean think about it, if he had no time to meet due to sick relative, working two jobs or whatevs, then why be active on a dating site in the first place? No hun, he may (or may not) be telling you the truth about these things, but nevertheless, if he were interested in meeting you, he would be!
Author Fuerza Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 This is typical stories from a scam artist. If they intend to date you but don't arrange to meet in person within a week - you are being set up for their scam. I can't help but laugh at your comment, he's not a scam artist We live in the same country and it just so happens to be he has someone in his family that is sick and he's taking care of that person now. He might by lying to me about this to get out of meeting up with me but he'd get nothing out of that (he'd miss out getting to know a super awesome chick like me )! So no worries, he's real, he's not asking for money or talking gibberish English.
Recommended Posts