john_ohio Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I've been with her in "on and off" relationship for about 2 years. Each time it ended up with her dumping me for another guy or just for sake of being alone. She broke my heart like six or seven times that way.. After it happened for the last time in December, I decided that I didn't want to live in this misery for the rest of my life. I gave myself one month of very limited contact and prepared mentally to move on. In the beginning of February I met online absolutely fantastic girl and after about 3 weeks of dating we became a couple. I felt happy and liberated. Until I've learnt that my ex has met someone new. And it totally killed me. My current gf is way prettier and hotter than my ex. She loves me deeply and cares about me like my ex never did. She's very open about our relationship status, not like my ex, who never called me "boyfriend" and wanted to keep our relationship in secret. Everything now is better. (including interpersonal communication and sex) So I'm totally frustrated with fact that I still crave my ex. I can't stop thinking about her and her new boyfriend kissing, having sex and being affectionate to each other. I want to let it go completely. I don't want to lose my new girlfriend, who is absolutely fantastic person. I'm totally freaked out that she will notice that I'm becoming emotionally distant and I'm wandering with my thoughts somewhere else. I feel like I was cheating her, even if I haven't contacted my ex for one month! I was even thinking about telling my new girlfriend about all this turmoil, but it would only make her insecure and resulted in worsening our relationship. As for my ex... From my observation she's emotionally unavailable person. All her relationships seem to be very intense but short. She's showering new guy with a lot of attention and when he's hooked and looking for something more serious, she withdraws. It's stupid. I really believed, I'm the one for her. The one who can cure her heart and earn her trust. She is amazingly charming... believe me! She might not be the prettiest girl in the universe (my friends told me she looks very "average") but she has.. SOMETHING which you notice only after you get to know her better. How to let go of past without ruining my current relationship?
stillafool Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Maybe seek independent counselling to help you get over her. I really don't know why you think you are the one for your ex when she has cheated on you numerous times. The guy for her will be the one she doesn't want to cheat on. I think you may have entered your new relationship too fast without giving yourself proper time to grieve the loss of your ex. You have to keep telling yourself that she is gone forever and grieve this as if she is dead and then move on.
Steven1 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I think a part of you enjoyed what you and your ex had, despite it sounding like a very volatile relationship and a one that was never going to work long term , it sounds as though you enjoyed the uncertainty of it. I think that's something you have to move on from. It's not healthy at all to have a relationship like that, let alone MISS one. Your ex sounds as though she will never settle down with anyone as she has very little commitment in her. So you would be throwing away your committed relationship with a woman who you say you love and who worships you, to be with someone who you know will break it off with you again.
Toodaloo Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 It was always on off... You are probably thinking that this new guy is the "one" for her. Let me into a secret he probably isn't... Cut your ex out of your life. Completely. You do not need to know what she is doing these days. You know this new guy will run hot for a month then be dumped so instead of feeling jealous how about feeling sorry for him. Invest your emotions into your new girl. Think of things you can do together and concentrate on ways to make her happy...
Author john_ohio Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Thank you or all your responses. I will do my best to let go of my feelings for my ex. I really want it to happen! The confusing part is why do I feel so much to her, if my current girlfriend treats me waaay better and even is more physically attractive...
NolaLeForte Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 First, congratulations on your new relationship! I’m glad you’ve found someone that makes you happy and treats you well. It sounds like your ex really took you for a ride and kind of kept you hanging there, and would have continued to do so had you not made the decision to walk away. While I’m sure you are very happy with your new girlfriend, that’s not enough to take away all the residual pain that you’ve had to deal with over the last two years. You invested a lot into the relationship and even though it was off and on, you were always connected to her in some way and now that’s she’s with someone else, doing all of the things you wanted, it’s kind of like, “WTF, what about all that time I spent trying to give you that with nothing in return??!” It’s unfair. It’s crappy. I think a lot of times we end up staying in these relationships because we have invested so much we just keep waiting and waiting to get back what we’ve put in and it’s hard to swallow that someone we cared about could just keep happily taking with no intention of giving back. Imo, it doesn’t sound like you’re necessarily hung up on her per se, but everything that you invested in it the relationship with nothing in return. However, you said it- she’s emotionally unavailable and trying to make it work with someone like that is heart breaking and a source of endless frustration. You can’t make someone recognize what they did, and like you said, she probably isn’t showering this guy with love because she loves him, its just another part of the repeating pattern of “use, lose, rinse, repeat”. Recognizing that this is how she does things is the first step in freeing yourself from this past relationship. You cared for her, you want her to feel the same way, but you don’t need her in order to see that you are the one coming out on top of this. It’s not up to you to cure anyone or earn their trust, and everyone has something special and unique. Unfortunately, her something special also comes with a lot disrespect and selfishness. Whenever you start to crave her, just remind yourself what she’s really about-past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. What you have waiting for you now far exceeds anything she could offer-however intense it may be in the moment.
thespacey1 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Glad you seem to have moved on OP....I guess? You seem to be bragging about your new gf. With all those accolades, how is the Ex still even with posting about? Are your even ready to be in a new relationship?
mightycpa Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 If you don't get your head straight, and start appreciating the here and now, one day, you're going to kick yourself for being really stupid. How? I don't know. Maybe stop living in fantasy land and start to look at things as they actually are. Your heart clearly cannot be trusted to make any decisions right now.
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