Drained and exhausted by dating

[Mckarsafra]

Dating has me drained and exhausted. My last girlfriend cheated and left me for someone else. I called her to schedule a date, and that's when she told me. I feel worn out trying to find another girl who likes me.

 

Each and every night I message women on Okcupid. Swipe women on tinder. Almost always my messages are ignored. The only messages I get are from spammers and scam artists. I get few if any looks, even after changing pictures, crafting quality messages, etc. I might get one date a month, which is always a one and done. I'm legitimately looking for a friend and a partner, not just sex. But no women seem to think I'm boyfriend material. I'm only getting cheated on material. Meeting women in real life only yields people who are already in long term relationships.

 

It just seems to be my destiny to be alone, unwanted. Dating is going nowhere. I've got nothing but negative experiences from my dating interactions with women, and I've got no energy for it anymore.

Edited March 29, 2016 by Mckarsafra

[auntagony]

Hey, I am sorry for what happened to you. But you know what, not all is lost! And heart breaking is part of the dating process and finding that someone. Don't give up yet! It might hurt your self esteem a little but you will become better if you focus on yourself for the time being to be on tip top shape. And when that someone comes along, you you are not "wrecked" inside and ready to get into a ready relationship. Patience is the key to finding that someone

[neowulf]

Dating has me drained and exhausted. My last girlfriend cheated and left me for someone else. I called her to schedule a date, and that's when she told me. I feel worn out trying to find another girl who likes me.

 

Each and every night I message women on Okcupid. Swipe women on tinder. Almost always my messages are ignored. The only messages I get are from spammers and scam artists. I get few if any looks, even after changing pictures, crafting quality messages, etc. I might get one date a month, which is always a one and done. I'm legitimately looking for a friend and a partner, not just sex. But no women seem to think I'm boyfriend material. I'm only getting cheated on material. Meeting women in real life only yields people who are already in long term relationships.

 

It just seems to be my destiny to be alone, unwanted. Dating is going nowhere. I've got nothing but negative experiences from my dating interactions with women, and I've got no energy for it anymore.

 

I hear you man. It can be rough. Might I suggest something that helped though.

 

You're focused too much on the outcome and not enough on the proces. Dating should be fun. Learning to enjoy meeting new people and just chilling out.

 

Have you had a 3rd party review your profile / photo's? It can be worth it to get a little professional help. Often we have blind spots we're not even aware of.

 

The other tip? Don't make finding a girlfriend the center of your world. Schedule at most 30 min a day to check the dating sites, then drop it to do something else. Get some hobbies, get out of the house. Meet people. Hang with friends.

 

Finally man, if you're really starting to get beat up emotionally by this stuff, don't be afraid to put it all down for a while. It's normal to take a break to recharge and refocus. You're sounding pretty negative at the moment and women can pickup on that.

[Grewd]

Been there, done that, got sick and tired of it all together. I sought happiness, dating wasn't giving it to me, I found more effective ways. Gave up, didn't care anymore and no care means no worries. No worries means happiness, the lack of issues which to me is worth more than anything in life. With happiness came a woman's interest, life is ironic.

 

It took me 3 weeks of trying not to date and focusing only on my own emotional well being before I found myself in a dating situation. I seem to get what I want when I don't want it anymore, it comes to me when I stop chasing it.

 

Point is that you're neglecting yourself by continuing to do something that makes you feel bad. Is being unwanted and alone your destiny? You can't know your destiny, but as you think you shall become. Crazy things happen in life when you least expect it, it just happens dude. You won't help your chances by stating it's your destiny to be alone and unwanted.

Edited March 29, 2016 by Grewd

[Toodaloo]

I hear you man. It can be rough. Might I suggest something that helped though.

 

You're focused too much on the outcome and not enough on the proces. Dating should be fun. Learning to enjoy meeting new people and just chilling out.

 

Have you had a 3rd party review your profile / photo's? It can be worth it to get a little professional help. Often we have blind spots we're not even aware of.

 

The other tip? Don't make finding a girlfriend the center of your world. Schedule at most 30 min a day to check the dating sites, then drop it to do something else. Get some hobbies, get out of the house. Meet people. Hang with friends.

 

Finally man, if you're really starting to get beat up emotionally by this stuff, don't be afraid to put it all down for a while. It's normal to take a break to recharge and refocus. You're sounding pretty negative at the moment and women can pickup on that.

 

Listen to Neo.

 

Its good advice.

[Buddhist]

*hand on shoulder* I'll refrain from any kind of helpful dating advice here. You're correct, dating is absolutely horrible these days. If I didn't have the good fortune to quite literally bump into partners during the normal course of a day I would be single. I hear stories from people who do the online thing and it sounds exhausting.

 

I'm sorry your girlfriend cheated on you, that's a horrible experience and one that can lead to serious personal trauma. I hope you can move past the pain at some point.

[mike_89]

I'd take a small break from dating if I were you. Just find something else to do and put a lot of energy in so that you're not stuck ruminating over these things that your ex did, and that it seems hard to find other women.

I personally think the best advice for any person feeling down and exhausted is to start weight lifting. Not weight lifting with the goal to improve the way you look (though it's obviously a nice side effect), but heavy compound exercises (like deadlifts, squats, pull-ups etc) with the goal to tire you out, make you feel more energetic, confident and overall better. Another great side effect is that it instils discipline and mental toughness and it'll really take your mind off those bad things. I guarantee you you're not going to think about your ex cheating on you when your legs are burning during and after a squat or deadlift. Just 2 hours of lifting for 4 days a week is going to have an enormous effect.

[flyerflies]

Hey, I tried Okcupid and tinder and i think they are too superficial or focus too much on profile pictures. I agree with what the rest siggested above that you should a break from constantly looking for relationship. I also think searching for a serious relationship needs more than chemistry – it needs a matching of minds. Physical attraction is not permanent (sadly for the most of us yes!) and when that’s going through a rough patch, it’s the mental connection that keeps you going. Relationships that begin on physical appearances usually start on a shaky ground. But if you allow the minds to connect first (of course, physical attraction is important too) that allows a serious relationship to form. Unfortunately having the opportunity to find such a person offline is tough given our busy lives. And in the online world, most of the apps are just a beauty contest. You can’t really get to know the other person without dating them, and that’s a slow process. I was trying to find out some app that focuses on compatibility, and I managed to find one interesting app – Flaime. These guys match people through the stuff they post on the app. I think that’s a pretty cool concept. At the time I checked it out they were just starting out, but I hope they get popular soon, I feel we need more of such apps

[Zippy2000]

I with you about being exhausted with dating. I ve come to the realisation Im destined to be alone. There`s nothing really wrong with that. I just haven't found her.

 

 

I ve been played, used and cheated on too but as human beings we are social beings so we do need company.

 

 

Im 41 now. I ve never lived with a partner and my longest relationship is 1 year.

 

 

No one looks at me now and I feel invisible at my age Im past my prime. Not with the lack of trying. I ve done Match, Ok Cupid, e-harmony and Tinder.

 

 

Not one of these has ever worked for me. Its to do with my looks. Im your average Joe. Not a model but a nice guy.

 

 

All the ladies I message just either don't bother to reply or ignore me or if they do message me its only for attention. I feel sad and I feel frustrated how all my friends don't have to try or I ve set my friends up but no one tries to help me set things up.

 

 

Im exhausted and I feel like giving up too.

[Miss Peach]

I wouldn't do dating unless you can do it without this "I'm not good enough", bitter attitude. Good women can sense this and it's not attractive.

 

Since OLD isn't working well for you I would step back and think about what methods would work well for you.

 

For example I have a male friend. He wouldn't be able to get any attention on OLD. He is old, balding, short, heavy, underemployed, lazy, etc. But he does great in person with women so he finds dates easily at meetups. These women are attractive, with a good job, and 10-20 years younger. My BF told me he messaged over 300 women on OLD and only got a couple of dates from there. OLD isn't the ONLY way to get a date. It's just one tool.

 

Are you better at getting dates IRL? When you get a date, can you get second ones? If not, you may not be a great date to these women so it might help to step up your game conversation-wise. Learn to read people better. Have more engaging conversations. Women tend to pick men based on how we feel around him. Our motivations are usually based as heavily on looks as men are.

 

It's not a dating book per se but the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" might make a good read for you. It's meant for business but there are a lot of good tips about how to appear confident and be engaging that can be applied to women.

[auntagony]

Just thought that I should share this article that i read. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fighting-fear/201306/what-do-when-youve-been-jilted

[yololin]

Tinder and OKcupid are great. I'm sure you are getting hits, maybe just not from the kind of girls that you like.

 

Don't worry, because those dating apps aren't the best. Don't focus too much on it. It's totally superficial.

 

I think you should try to better yourself by picking up new hobbies and regaining some form of fitness and fashion. You also have to go out more. Meet more friends and gradually you will be the person you want girls to be attracted to.

[xpaperxcutx]

So what are you doing to work on yourself?

 

You seem so focused on finding one girl that you forgot that you have tovwork on yourself as well.

 

Most men find girlfriends when they are not looking.

 

Its always the single men who find girls who want to make them boyfriend material because they ooze confident.

 

As cliche as it sounds, you have to go tovgym and start building a more confident you.

[Miss Peach]

Women tend to pick men based on how we feel around him. Our motivations are usually based as heavily on looks as men are.

 

Just noticed the typo here. Women are not as looks obsessed as men are. We need to feel attraction but men can grow on us (or kill that attraction) based on how we feel in their presence.

[truth_seeker]

I with you about being exhausted with dating. I ve come to the realisation Im destined to be alone. There`s nothing really wrong with that. I just haven't found her.

 

 

I ve been played, used and cheated on too but as human beings we are social beings so we do need company.

 

 

Im 41 now. I ve never lived with a partner and my longest relationship is 1 year.

 

 

No one looks at me now and I feel invisible at my age Im past my prime. Not with the lack of trying. I ve done Match, Ok Cupid, e-harmony and Tinder.

 

 

Not one of these has ever worked for me. Its to do with my looks. Im your average Joe. Not a model but a nice guy.

 

 

All the ladies I message just either don't bother to reply or ignore me or if they do message me its only for attention. I feel sad and I feel frustrated how all my friends don't have to try or I ve set my friends up but no one tries to help me set things up.

 

 

Im exhausted and I feel like giving up too.

 

This is sad, man. I feel like swinging by your house, taking you out to a strip club, and getting you eight women to give you a great time in the champagne room.

[Mccoy321]

I with you about being exhausted with dating. I ve come to the realisation Im destined to be alone. There`s nothing really wrong with that. I just haven't found her.

 

 

I ve been played, used and cheated on too but as human beings we are social beings so we do need company.

 

 

Im 41 now. I ve never lived with a partner and my longest relationship is 1 year.

 

 

No one looks at me now and I feel invisible at my age Im past my prime. Not with the lack of trying. I ve done Match, Ok Cupid, e-harmony and Tinder.

 

 

Not one of these has ever worked for me. Its to do with my looks. Im your average Joe. Not a model but a nice guy.

 

 

All the ladies I message just either don't bother to reply or ignore me or if they do message me its only for attention. I feel sad and I feel frustrated how all my friends don't have to try or I ve set my friends up but no one tries to help me set things up.

 

 

Im exhausted and I feel like giving up too.

 

Seriously mate. To really hammer it home. Go to your profiles in OLD. Replace your photos with some of a really good looking guy. Then when you've received your hundredth message that week you will finally get that what you write, who you are, and how you behave are as meaningless as your blood type in terms of how women are attracted to you.

[Mckarsafra]

I wouldn't do dating unless you can do it without this "I'm not good enough", bitter attitude. Good women can sense this and it's not attractive.

 

Since OLD isn't working well for you I would step back and think about what methods would work well for you.

 

For example I have a male friend. He wouldn't be able to get any attention on OLD. He is old, balding, short, heavy, underemployed, lazy, etc. But he does great in person with women so he finds dates easily at meetups. These women are attractive, with a good job, and 10-20 years younger. My BF told me he messaged over 300 women on OLD and only got a couple of dates from there. OLD isn't the ONLY way to get a date. It's just one tool.

 

Are you better at getting dates IRL? When you get a date, can you get second ones? If not, you may not be a great date to these women so it might help to step up your game conversation-wise. Learn to read people better. Have more engaging conversations. Women tend to pick men based on how we feel around him. Our motivations are usually based as heavily on looks as men are.

 

It's not a dating book per se but the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" might make a good read for you. It's meant for business but there are a lot of good tips about how to appear confident and be engaging that can be applied to women.

 

I've had even worse luck offline than online. The only place I spend any time outside work is the gym, where I get no looks or attention from women whatsoever. I might as well give up. Nothing remotely related to dating is working for me.