FrenchAGD82 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I've been at my job for almost three years now. There has been a guy in my dept but in a different role who I catch a lot of times meeting his glances or would walk by his old cubicle(now, we work in an open office environment) and we would look at each other as I would walk past. Fast forward to fall 2015, and he chats up a guy near me daily about sports. The stolen glances would continue along with the usual "hi's" in the hallways. On a whim, I invited co workers out for my birthday around this time and he showed up. He mingled and we talked(we would talk at work, but, along the lines of "I have a question, can you help me?" Etc type convos). As the evening went on, he stayed by me not of the time and then, people wanted to keep the part going. He never left my side-we got something to eat, a few more bars and would walk with me almost like he was watching out for me( had a bit to drink). After that night, our conversations at work got better and we discovered we had mutual interests. We would chat on Facebook every now and then outside of work. New Years Eve rolls around and I check in to see what he's up to-has plans with friends. A bit bummed out, but, I go out with girlfriends. Two hours later, he chats me on fbook to see if it am still out and if he can join me? He did and it was an awesome, fun night. Didn't make a move on me, and when I went to hug him good night, he stiffened up like he didn't know what to do. I asked him why he stayed with me during my bday adventuring and he said "I just want to be where fun people are." Ok... So, now, we talk daily through the work day and it's becoming more comfortable getting to know him. This has slowly been building up as I have been trying to move on from a guy which I am now fully moved on from. Am I crazy to think something may be brewing here or am I friend zoned? Others who were at my birthday have asked "who was that guy who was sweating you the whole evebing?" So, I'm unsure! Thoughts?
AMJ Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Did you flirt with him at all on the two times you guys were out? On New Year's and your bday? 1
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 I probably could have turn it up a bit more, but, I did touch him on the arm, complimented him and I do subtle flirtiness at work. He can get a bit shy around me at work, but, seems to come out of his shell when we are out in public. I'm worried I may scare him off.
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Those two times we were out-I think I was so shocked/surprised that he wanted to hang out with me one on one that I was nervous, too.
AMJ Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I know actually, a lot of couples who met while working together. It always takes so much longer for them to get together because both people are worried about screwing up their work environment if things go wrong. One of my brothers met his wife at work. They both were dating other people and were friends outside of work for awhile, probably close to a year. I get that you're nervous, but you probably need to show him you're interested much moreso than you normally would, if you want him to make a move. If you are flirting like crazy and he still doesn't make a move, then you have your answer. Clinging to you at your birthday party...he may have just been shy and not known other people there. But coming out with you on New Year's is kinda significant. I would keep finding reasons to invite him out after work. 1
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Thanks-asking him to do more out of the office is key and I agree with you. He's mentioned to me in an instant chat message(how we mainly talk through out the day) how he wouldn't date at the office...yet, he's been interested in two women while I've worked so far. I know I'm enjoying building a friendship right now and I guess keeping being me, while trying to flirt lightly. Such a weird balance!
thecrucible Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Are the Facebook chats about 50/50 in terms of initiating? I would say to keep doing what you are doing in terms of asking him out to social events and see if you can build anything from there. 1
preraph Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 But in three years, he hasn't asked you out? He must have some reason for not wanting to ask you out or he would have. 1
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 No, no asking out in the last three years. Partly because our lives up until last fall didn't overlap much at the office(desks aren't near each other anymore) and I think his quietness/shyness controls him a lot until he gets to know people. I kid with him that he has the male equivalent to "resting bitch face" and needs to smile more(because he has a nice one). he's very, very observant about life in general and I think he may either be cautious about dating. These are the things I'm trying to suss out.
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 And yes, we both equally chat each other on our messaging system at work. Definitely not as soon as I reach my desk in the morning, but, here and there throughout the day and it's a consistent conversation(vs. single word replies). There is substance.
truth_seeker Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 And yes, we both equally chat each other on our messaging system at work. Definitely not as soon as I reach my desk in the morning, but, here and there throughout the day and it's a consistent conversation(vs. single word replies). There is substance. Feelings for this guy still strong for 3 years... you must be in love
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Welll...that would be an amazing result:) but, this has been a slow burn/build up. Plus, I'm also feeling better about myself, my confidence and working on the way I look(exterior and interior).
bu2002 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 You are clearly interested, otherwise you wouldn't be asking about it on a message board From what you've described, he's very likely interested, but too shy to pull something off. Partly due to his personality, and partly due to the work issue. You likely have to keep nudging a bit. At some point, you have to get together away from a group setting. Maybe playfully ask him, when emotions are both high "so when are grabbing a beer together". If he's still gun shy after that, then move on. 1
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Oh,yes, I'm interested! And definitely didn't expect to ask a message board, but, here we are. Thanks for that advice-nudging is definitely where I am going with him to try to see if he is interested back.
truth_seeker Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Oh,yes, I'm interested! And definitely didn't expect to ask a message board, but, here we are. Thanks for that advice-nudging is definitely where I am going with him to try to see if he is interested back. If you're too nervous to do it in person, what about an email that doesn't put yourself too out there but drops a significant hint? "Hey, after work Thursday there's thing going on at this bar, I thought it would be fun to go!" You're asking him out but... at the same time you're not sticking your neck out there with a direct: I love you and want to date you.
smackie9 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Ask him if he wants to go for lunch, that's not really putting it out there, but you can play it from there. He needs to maybe feel more confident being around you to ask you out. A smile can go a long way.
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 Well, I asked today if he wanted to watch a basketball game at a bar someplace tonight at work and said he was going to stay home since the game started so late. No suggestion of coming over or "that sounds fun, though" type response. I'm wondering if he is being very cautious or if he truly isn't interested.
AMJ Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 The last time you guys hung out was New Years? There is a chance he might be dating someone else by now. Or he might not understand that you're interested in more than friendship.
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 From what I've gathered, he's single, not dating anyone. I think it's he's unaware. I've getting more insight from his friends to see what's going on with him personally to get a better picture.
Author FrenchAGD82 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Update: we still talk almost every day, but still in neutral. a few female friends at work have noticed he is a bit more chatty in their team meetings, and talkative in genera--some say it's due to me, but, I can't tell.
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