The girl guys date before they find the one?

[Larryville]

I always feel like I'm the girl guys date just before they find the one, decide to settle down etc.

 

I don't think there is anything such as the "one"

 

Hey I don’t know what you look like, your education, background or your personality but I have met a number of women while they might be attractive, or a little fun they lack the “IT” quality.

 

I’m stealing from a much longer article but keys for a lot of guys… but this is why there is no “THE ONE” I’m sorry but that is BS.

 

Some traits….

 

She's got soul - There is such a thing as people with ugly souls and we've all met at least one person who proves it. A beautiful woman radiates not because of her tinted moisturizer or glossy hair, but because of that something inside her that just makes you want to be near her.

 

Her passions define her more than her looks - She's the girl you'd rather talk to in bed than take to bed. Because passion is contagious and watching someone get excited about something is the most beautiful quality you can find in someone.

 

She shows you her real face - Women have the right to wear makeup and there is nothing wrong with that. However, a beautiful woman doesn't feel the need to hide behind it.

 

She knows how to talk - There's nothing worse than a woman who doesn't know how to use her mouth. A woman who knows how to speak her mind intelligently, who can captivate you with her words and opinions proves that there is nothing more beautiful than intelligence. Smart is sexy and words have the power to turn any girl into the woman of your dreams.

 

Bottom line a woman with depth generally will exhibit these basic traits…

When you look into a mirror do you like what you see? If not (applies for both men and women BTW) anyone you date will see the lack of confidence as well...

[Saracena]

It is very easy to tell, they kind of just don't put much effort into dating you; it's always the pub near their house or dinner at a place across the road from yours. Not really having much interest in you as a person, just going through the motions of dating to get consistent sex until they meet someone they are crazy about..

 

 

Actually, I had one (casual for both in the beginning as I hadn't yet qualified so not looking for anything serious and although I was attracted to him and he ticked a lot of the right boxes hadn't strong feelings for the him) which began like this, and ended with him, what I can only describe as all of a sudden, getting far more serious and wanting to get engaged! I can only liken it to a switch flipping somewhere in his brain where he realised he was really smitten with me! Although we did have periods apart when I was away at uni, this revelation came about following a time when I was away from home the longest. So I think there is something thing to be said about absence! I should add he was about 6 years older and because it was casual I had never slept with him!

[Cora]

How many guys are we talking?

 

If it's a lot, your guy-picker probably needs fine-tuning. You need to decide what you want in a relationship, but especially what you don't want (particular habits that could be an issue for you long-term, family situation, money stuff, social circle, etc. - this is a non exhaustive list, that stuff is down to each individual) and stick to it regardless of how attracted you are to the guy.

 

How many is a lot? I have not dated a lot of men by any means, but every one I have dated has not led anywhere...I'm talking long term relationship. I either go on a few dates and never hear from them again, it turns into a short term fling or we are together for a few months with no establishment of exclusivity or much less a relationship and then they are out never to be heard from again.

[Cora]

Well, I can say my ex gf said the same thing to me when I was breaking up with her. That she figured I'd marry the next one like her ex bf did and wondered what was wrong with her.

 

I tried to tell her what was wrong with our relationship for 2 years, she wasn't listening. Do you pay attention to the relationship? She was too selfish with what she wanted and needed and never about what I wanted or needed. She didn't want to improve and I wasn't ready to spend my life like that. If it's not awesome, a lot of guys aren't going to want to make it life long.

 

Interesting way to think of things. I'll have to reflect on this...

[Cora]

OP, so true. There are so many men suffering from Terminal Shyness.

 

 

Why not try to reconnect with him?

 

Well the guy I'm dating now I feel could be really shy. Or maybe he's just not that into me. I swear my radar is so messed up these days. I'm so confused! He initiates contact with me daily, plans dates, introduced me to his friends etc. but yet no physical contact whatsoever. I had to kiss him first. I'm starting to think he just isn't into me.

[Cora]

OP, if you are interested in reading, in addition to Evan Marc Katz (I love that guy!!), Dr. Pat Allen has a book called Getting To I Do, and Renee Wade has a blog I'm obsessed with.

 

For me, half my problem was that my guy picker was broken, and the other half was an unawareness of certain things I did that put a vibe out there that was "dating material," vs. "marrying material."

 

There's no cut and dry formula, every person is different, every relationship is different, BUT all of the above authors have definitely helped me find very useful nuggets of wisdom in my quest.

 

Thank you so much! I'll definitely check those out!

[Lady2163]

It could be even worse. For several years, I was the woman who men dated and realized they wanted their ex girlfriend or ex wife back....

[Cora]

Just a guys perspective, but I think you need to be completely content and happy with the possibility of not getting married, and not having children.

 

I don't understand how these things weren't priorities before the age of 30, but then suddenly become such a huge concern.

 

I'm about to enter my 30s too. If I really wanted to get married, I've had plenty of opportunities with some really cool people. I'd probably have done it by now.

 

Is this something that you really want, or are you just feeling left out?

 

But you see they've always been priorities for me ever since I can remember. I just haven't found the right guy who likes me enough to stick around long enough or who sees me as long term material. Trust me, I didn't wait until I was 33 to start worrying about these things. It's not just something I feel left out about...I truly desire it with my entire heart. And also, It's not just about marriage. I'm talking about experiencing a long term relationship. I've never even been in one. Everything for me has been short term, flings and a few dates here and there. Nothing ever substantial or long lasting. It gets exhausting after awhile. Every guy I date I feel like it's just going to happen again and again so why even bother?

 

So are you saying I should just give up on the idea of ever being married and having kids? That is difficult to do...to just switch my mind off of wanting something I've wanted for years. But at this point it's becoming more and more likely not to happen. Perhaps I should just learn to be content without having those things.

[Cora]

I don't know...deep down I think I know what my problem is. When I look back on every guy I've dated or had something short term with there has been a pattern. I am a very shy and introverted person. I'm a horrible conversationalist and for the most part the guy has had to do all of the talking. Why would they want to stick around with a girl who can't keep up a conversation...who is boring and doesn't peak their interest? It doesn't matter if they are physically attracted to you or that the sex is good...if you can't stimulate their mind then the flame quickly burns out. There has to be a physical, emotional and an intellectual connection. I'm lacking the latter. I find it extremely difficult to open up to people. When I open my mouth unintelligent things come out so I've learned just to keep it shut. I'm certain men must find me boring. They may as well be dating a rock. How do I become comfortable enough to open up and be more talkative when I've been this way pretty much my whole life? Old habits are difficult to change...