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Should I just settle for this guy that I don't have initimate feelings for?

Bobbi7

By Bobbi7
in General Relationship Discussion

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Bobbi7 Established Member

Bobbi7

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So, this guy apparently seems like he really likes me, almost in love with me, I've told him several times to get lost, but he still wants me no matter what I tell him. He's a nice guy, decent looking, but I don't have any intimate feelings for him and I don't feel like having wild crazy sex with him when I see him. For me, physical attraction has to be there, I don't feel nothing for him, sure he may be a good guy, but not sure if I'm letting his guy go..

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
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I would say, try dating him and kissing and seeing if any sparks fly, because that can happen. But, if you really don't feel that now and doubt you will, then it's not going to help him if you encourage him to feel more involved. It's a shame it's so one-sided but that's life.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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IMO, we women know in like 10 min if we're capable of bonking a guy - even if it ain't happening right now. If you don't feel that spark for him now, then let him go.

 

I mean yes, some women sorta feel like an "affection" towards a guy who is nice to them. They may even marry them, have kids, etc. But eventually the lack of desire and him being more as a "friend and/or provider" rears it's ugly head at some point.

 

My podcaster gets some calls like that and the women wanna stop having sex with hubby and that's not fair. My fav podcaster tells them that they better fake their enthusiasm, cuz not fair to marry a guy on false pretenses.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Also, I don't know about you, but passion is priority #1 for me. I don't need a "friend" or a roommate. So, if a guy isn't making me all wet and hot/bothered....NEXT!!!!

  • Like 2
NYC-BigKat Established Member

NYC-BigKat

Posted
Posted
So, this guy apparently seems like he really likes me, almost in love with me, I've told him several times to get lost, but he still wants me no matter what I tell him. He's a nice guy, decent looking, but I don't have any intimate feelings for him and I don't feel like having wild crazy sex with him when I see him. For me, physical attraction has to be there, I don't feel nothing for him, sure he may be a good guy, but not sure if I'm letting his guy go..

 

Uh...why do u have to wanna have wild sex with someone in order to like them? Why cant u like them for who they are as a person & let things grow from there? It might be a good thing u know :).

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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Uh...why do u have to wanna have wild sex with someone in order to like them? Why cant u like them for who they are as a person & let things grow from there? It might be a good thing u know :).

 

It's not about wild sex. If that person doesn't turn you on is the issue here. I don't want a man to be my roommate and/or friend, I need a lover. You can make anyone a friend/roommate.

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Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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One word Bobbi.

 

No.

 

Just no...

  • Like 4
kztar Established Member

kztar

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Don't do it. You'll might regret it later like I did. He might be a nice guy and all but after a while that comes back to bite you in the a$$.

 

my ex was a "nice" guy but I didn't have that intense passion for him and eventually I fell in love and settled for OKAY sex. Then a year later he dumps me. Yeah life is too short to not get what you want and deserve from day one. SO NEXT.

 

Tell him to get lost.

  • Like 1
MJJean Established Member

MJJean

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Uh...why do u have to wanna have wild sex with someone in order to like them? Why cant u like them for who they are as a person & let things grow from there? It might be a good thing u know :).

 

People you aren't physically attracted to and have no desire to have sex with are called friends. Anything that grows from friendship without attraction is just more friendship.

 

OP, sexual attraction and sexual compatibility are important in a romantic relationship. Don't settle. Settling merely serves to cheat you and the othe person out of a chance at a fulfilling and complete romantic relationship with someone else.

  • Like 5
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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What do you mean when you say you are not sure when you are letting this guy go? Do you mean you are not sure if you want to lose him?

preraph Established Member

preraph

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The only women I know who stay with a guy they aren't attracted to is women who are absolutely desperate for either financial aid or attention/companionship and are willing to pay the price. So if the shoe fits, wear it.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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The only women I know who stay with a guy they aren't attracted to is women who are absolutely desperate for either financial aid or attention/companionship and are willing to pay the price. So if the shoe fits, wear it.

 

Well, but even "if" those are the reasons, some people (men or women) have this idea that they'll grow to love that person and/or rationalize the reason behind their choice (ie sex and looks isn't important cuz one day we'll be 60 and I just want a person to be around so that I don't die alone).

 

But hey, to each their own...some make it, some don't.

lino Established Member

lino

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Bookmarked this for the next time some fool tries to claim women care less about looks, sex, etc.

 

Uh...why do u have to wanna have wild sex with someone in order to like them? Why cant u like them for who they are as a person & let things grow from there? It might be a good thing u know :).

 

That condescending advice is for guys only mate.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Posted
Well, but even "if" those are the reasons, some people (men or women) have this idea that they'll grow to love that person and/or rationalize the reason behind their choice (ie sex and looks isn't important cuz one day we'll be 60 and I just want a person to be around so that I don't die alone).

 

But hey, to each their own...some make it, some don't.

 

Everyone is different in how or why they want/need someone. It's everywhere on the scale. I never can see how a woman can need someone around so bad that they pick someone that has few attractive/admirable qualities, but I've had two close friends like that. They were codependent (at least one was) and felt they always needed someone, and it was ironic because then the person she ended up with has social anxiety and just clams up, doesn't normally participate much, isn't a good companion, etc. But it's like some people just need a live body or they feel lost or something. After she had kids, I asked her if the kids would be enough to keep her company when she thought about leaving him, and she didn't really have an answer. I'm guessing not, as she's still with him.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

Bobbi7,

 

No.

 

Don't waste your time and his. :)

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