broken guy Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Well, it looks like my Mum is going to lose the house and with it EVERYTHING of mine from my childhood right up to the present day. This leaves me homeless if I were to return back to the UK. The thing is, DO I tell my ex about this development? She has no idea that its this bad. I wondered if I should just tell her, ask her if she wants any of her pictures back and drawings she did for my birthday etc before they end up in a pile of rubbish? Its so hard as I no longer respect her for keeping me on the sidelines while she was seeing a guy behind my back and dumping me in an email but I still cant understand why I love her? Its bizarre and confusing. Still, she did like my Mum and always asked me how she was, even after dumping me.
wyzeup Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 If your Mom is losing her home, why is she also going to lose every single item within it? Can't she pack up some boxes of the belongings and have a friend or coworker store them? Why would your ex need to know the drawings and such she gave you will be gone? She gave them to you, they're yours, no matter how things turned out - what you do with them/whatever happens to them, they're not her concern at all. Sounds like you're looking for an excuse to make contact? - but with someone who cheated on you and then was cold enough to dump you by email? Why would you want to have contact with someone who's that cruel and nasty?
Author broken guy Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 The reason she cant keep anything is that she has no money to pay for storage and nowhere to store it. The bank will be repossesing all they can due to my Dad's debts. Its a long and hard story but I am not even in the vountry to help out. I cant store my stuff anywhere either. The basic fact is that all that I have ever owned will be GONE in 24 hours. Yes, maybe I am looking for an excuse to contact her. I admit I still love her despite what she did. I know I could have turned things around IF I spoke to her about it, she has admitted this to another friend. This is a MAJOR reason for me walking abut kicking myself and trying to destroy images in my head of her and him together and me alone and losing EVERYTHING in including my job! She was all I ever had and I cant seem to let her go..
lindya Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 bk - you can't afford, in a situation like this, to be thinking about your ex. Far too many other serious things are going on for your family. Focusing on someone who's treated you badly will sap all the strength that you're going to need so very badly right now. Your mum and dad are the people you need to focus your thoughts on right now. I know things are very difficult for you too, but at their time of life, this must be an absolutely terrifying and devastating thing to happen. My thoughts are with you
BrotherAaron Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by broken guy I know I could have turned things around IF I spoke to her about it, she has admitted this to another friend. This is a MAJOR reason for me walking abut kicking myself and trying to destroy images in my head of her and him together and me alone and losing EVERYTHING in including my job! She was all I ever had and I cant seem to let her go.. Don't listen to that crap. It's blame-shifting. She completey f***ed you over, and has the nerve to say that you could have prevented it had you talked to her. Yet, as far as I can tell from your story, she cheated. she's the one to blame. So stop kicking yourself. You couldn't have stopped her if she couldn't even stop herself. Please, just focuse on what you need and what your mother needs in this case. Put that at the forefronts of your thoughts and efforts. You need a break from thinking about the ex.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 I agree with Lindya and BA regarding this...you should focus on your Mum and Dad right now - think how they must be feeling, at their age, to lose everything in 24 hours. I do understand how heartbroken you have been and I know it's so tough, especially when you are in a foreign country! I have been (and still am!) going through that. That's all the more reason why you feel "she's all that I ever had", because she's the one person you go to in the foreign place you are in. It's almost like an infant craving for its mother (I know that feeling). I don't know your entire story and all the reasons why you came here, but on my part, coming to the US was a big struggle - and after a year and half of making efforts, when I came here, guess what - the jerk "wasn't ready". Oh well - coming back to your point You know what helps the best in such a situation? Your job and your friends. The job will bring in the money to keep you going, and your friends will provide you some support to make it through each day. I know it's hard to make friends in a foreign country, but I did it. The financial troubles back home should hopefully serve to make you even more committed to your job, because you have to see that the finances are the first thing that needs attention right now. Think about this honestly---- don't you think that you'd almost been "waiting" for this whole thing to happen, so you could contact your ex with the most "serious" news, which might finally get her to talk to you? Maybe it makes getting in touch with her seem more valid. But I think you do know for yourself, that you're wrongly prioritizing the tasks right now - it's your parents and yourself, than are the most important right now. You could talk to her later about this, when you've sorted this stuff out. Hey - at least you've got something else that you can worry about!! It's refreshing!! just kidding! I do hope everything works out well for you....just keep calm, don't let anxiety get over you...I'm sure you will be fine!! Whatever happens, there's always tomorrow...
Author broken guy Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 I am thinking about whats happening at home more now. I have realized a lot about what she did to me and the blame-shifting IS a pile of turd on her part. Just been speaking to my Mum on MSN and she was crying her eyes out. There is NOTHING I can do for her. There is no way I can afford to take on a 85,000 pound ($180,000) debt now seeing as I dont have a job at the moment. I know if I was still with my ex then at least MY life would have been better as I never intended to go home anyway. I intended on a future with her and buy a house with her, just wished I had told her that. That is a reason why I want to send her a mail and tell her that. Not to get her back but to show her of the future she is now turning down. At least I can offer her commitment whereas the new guy CANT! No matter what he says, he does not have 4 years with her. Oh well....homeless and alone. Not a nice place to be..
Author broken guy Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 Forgot to say that may Dad could not care less about what happens to his wife and 2 sons, he is an arse and just wants the money to pay off his debts. He has found a new woman and a new place and has been keeping all his cash to himself so he has the money to do this to us. He has no idea how old I am, when I was born and even forgets my name!! Yes, I suppose I WAS waiting for things to get this serious and I reckon I was hoping for a wild sympathy vote from the ex. she said the only reason shed get back with me is out of sympathy. She is a cow for doing this to me, I know she is weak, why else do you keep your man on the sidelines until the new one works out. My my friend, whom the ex hates/blames for the end of the relationship, saw her in a bar one night with the new BF. She said as soon as she saw her, she clung on to the new BF like there was no tomorrow. Seems I cant have female friends... Oops, I will stop typing as i think theis 2nd beer is going to my head.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Uh-Oh....you know what, as much as I credit everyone with unique personal circumstances, I think it's upto you to know whether she is right or wrong for you. I can understand you being hurt, angry and in despair over what she did----but to actually want that kind of person back in your life???!! That just doesn't go down well with me. And to think that she said that the only reason she'd be back with you is sympathy!! Jeez buddy, do you want to spend the rest of your life being a doormat?!! So you don't have a job, don't have her, and so you feel there's nothing to pin your hopes on. If only you'd realize that you're wrong there!! I honestly think that instead of moping about and just "thinking", get going and get a job. ANY job. Anything that will feed you and shelter you. I know it's tough, but either you get a job in Japan, or you go back to England where you'll be living on govt. shelter. It's your choice. Nobody's asking you to clear the $180,000 debt in a day - or even a year. But right now, you're not helping anyone!! And you know that misery loves company. Right now you know your Mum's crying, you're crying....and what does your ex do?! Cling closer to her new BF when she sees you?!! Come on if she was concerned about you at all, she would have asked you what happened, instead of you having to go and tell her. About telling her of the "dreams" about you two getting together and buying a house etc. - well you have to get a job for starters, right?!! It's not going to fall into your lap, you have to look for it. I think if you tell all your "dreams" to your ex, she's going to be (rightfully) incredulous. Besides, she's just not the type who'll be with you through thick and thin, otherwise she would have been with you right now. It's ok if you don't have female friends for a while!! I mean, honestly - don't you think you need to get your life in order first, instead of having to depend on somebody to make it better? Hey...I'm sorry if I sounded kinda harsh...I didn't mean to. I was only trying to make you see things from a more realistic perspective. I know how hard it must be for you right now. And I hope you manage to get things sorted out - and I mean regarding your job and stability in life. The ex - well, she doesn't deserve the spoils of your hard work. But you have to remember that every journey begins with one small step----so start making an effort!!
Author broken guy Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 I have been making HUGE efforts to get a job, its just the wrong time of year over here as the school years starts in April and I was home at the point (ex told me to go back for an extended break you see and not to panic about the deadline!). I have had many interviews and I am VERY qualified to get any job here, its just that no one is biting at the moment. I apply for maybe 10 jobs a week! I was never a doormat, never. We just went through a bad few months and I was willing to work on them and take things to a new level whereas she just wore herself down with her imagination about me instead of actually talking to me. Regardless, in the end it WAS her fault as, as I have stated here, I was the one willing to work out the problems and she wasnt. Just ran off into something that developed between her friend, the ex-womanizer who has now "changed". Fat bugger!
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Like I mentioned in my prev. post, I didn't mean to sound harsh--- and I do understand what it feels like to be stuck in a foreign country. I am so sorry about your situation, I know just how hard it is to get a job. And I applaud you for making all the efforts that you are. You know, it reminds me a bit of my story - he didn't have a job when he first "fell in love" with me, he'd been laid off. And instead of holding that against him, I gave him all the love and support I could, even sitting thousands of miles away in a foreign country. And I took a huge study loan and came here to the US, all by my own efforts and despite all my circumstances - just so he wouldn't have to be burdened with worrying about me. I still cannot believe that jerk could be so blind as to just not see that!! How many times do you find love that is unconditional. I too am waiting for the day he will realize that - although I don't necessarily want him to come back. You know why? Because I know I don't deserve the way he has treated me at all. If I were to take him back, he would have to have changed his attitude towards me completely - and I know that's not gonna happen. His ego and pride are too huge for him to ever see that what he did was wrong. And I will say the same for you....this girl isn't weak - I don't think so. That she is keeping you in the sidelines shows that she is an opportunist - she won't be with you while you have troubles of your own, she'd rather find another guy till then. Plus, I don't think she'll stick around even if she does come back. So, as tough as I know it is, just try to keep going - take it one day at a time. It will slowly get better - in fact once you get a job etc., it will keep you busy and you won't have too much time to think about this (I know I go crazy when I have nothing to do). And yes - ALL THE VERY BEST in your job hunt - you can do it!!
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