DatingLo Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Hi. I am a 26 year old man. I've never had a girlfriend. I was too shy to date or approach women until this year. I have been on a number of dates with women I met online. About 4-5 this year (of girls I wanted to be with). My problem is that some of these dates go well but my poor communication/texting skills, lack of eye contact, smiling, lack of a definite plan, lack of flirting or being too afraid to kiss stuff seems to get in the way. I'm not a very good conversationalist so they lose interest and patience with me pretty fast and just move onto the next guy. They agree to further dates (2nd or 3rd dates) only to flake on them and ignore me altogether. It's very frustrating for me and I'm not sure how to improve and advance things. I've done what I can to improve only to be ignored. I think if I was more confident and more of a leader this wouldnt have happened to me, and that it will keep happening unless something changes. It will be 100x harder to meet the right person unless I change this. Does anyone have advice for this type of anxiety around attractive women, how to improve conversational skills and make them more comfortable and pique their interest so they dont keep flaking? 1
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 This needs to start within your private life. Go do things that will challenge you mentally and physically, like rock climbing, or play a sport, take up ballroom dancing, workout (increases testosterone), maybe locate a life coach, or take a flirting class (yes they do exist). This should give you some confidence within yourself. How about speed dating? Might help you think on your feet because it's so fast paced. 3
thecrucible Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I think the best think is to walk before you run so I would recommending practicing conversational skills with women in a friendly context, women you don't want to date first. I don't mean leading anyone on, just building social skills in a different setting that you can then apply to dating. I know it's hard but try not to lose too much confidence if it doesn't work out or let it hang on your self worth. You've just got to take it one step at a time. You have made lots of progress already so keep going. 3
Author DatingLo Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Thanks for the input. I work out alot and it helps for sure. I think my anxiety and dating is getting better overall. My issues are not absolute as I do give some eye contact but not enough and it's very awkward at times and I tend to wring my hands and get nervous. It's just hard that you dont get the chance to be with these girls because the anxiety and lack of confidence screens you out or creates a subconcious vibe that is not appealing. Some of them really flirted me and complimented me but I was too serious with them. In particular right now it has been hard for me because I've had to move alot so taking up some of these hobbies could prove difficult. I did not get the job I can only apply for once a year for (I've studied the last 5 years to get it). It makes it alot harder to date when your future career and everything you've worked hard for is up in the air, and you have to apply again next year but you don't have confidence that you will do well enough at the job interview. At my job interviews I was the better candidate on paper but theres a certain degree of extroversion that is expected or you just get written off, similar to dating I suppose. All I can do is keep working on it though and try to make sure I'm where I need to be. 2
Satu Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I'm to tell some secrets: Nobody is as confident as they'd like to be Nobody is as beautiful as they'd like to be Nobody is as clever as they'd like to be Everybody feels anxious in certain situations Don't tell anyone I told you this, because they might get upset that you found out that they're faking it, at least some of the time... Take care. 1
Zippy2000 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Keep going out and trying to get used to dating. I used to be nervous when I first started but you get the hang of things and now Im learning how to reject people. At the start I sued to do the slow fade but that's unfair for the person. Take on a hobby or find someone who likes the same things you do for conversation. If youre not that great at conversation why not try an activity like going bowling or a museum? Theres other things you can do except for sitting in front of someone.
Spoonss Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I would suggest not thinking of women as a potential spouse but more of a friend and just try and relax around them. Just try to take the pressure off and not stress about it. You will definitely be more willing to say risky things you might hold back on or different conversations that you wouldnt normally start with a potential partner. Doing this will create a natural easy relationship. If it doesnt work it doesnt work and theres always gonna be some one out there that will be attracted to you. Best of luck to you man I was in the same boat last year and just learned to not give a crap
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