tacoman Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 okay, i just want to see what other people have experienced in the past, because i am pretty new to all this break up stuff. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me on april 5th, i found out 3 weeks later she was with someone she developed a crush on and it was something she had to "sort out". We were insanly close, talking all the usual marriage, etc, just a couple weeks prior to the breakup. I belive she broke up with me when she did because the loser she is with got fired from his crap job on march 29th and was moving out of town an hour away to get a new crappy job. They have been long distance the whole time.......me and my ex are both 23.....he is 28, going nowhere, etc............ Basically, i met my ex on june 2nd, we talked for about an hour and a half at the park, once we worked through all the relationship talk, we just had a fun time and talked about whatever. It wen't really well. we were on really good terms. She said she still wants me in her life, i said i want her in my life too. Obviuosly not right away, but in general. So about 2 weeks after our great meeting, she said we were on good terms and moving forward in a positive direction, etc... Here is my question (because it contradicts everything that happend on the 2nd) Basically over the course of the last couple weeks, i congratulated her on her college graduation, told her about my upcoming operation (3 operations on one day on both my feet...long story) and told her when i am graduating college (which she was about 50 % of the reason why i went and finished) it was important to us both....i thought..... So i sent one email and one phone message wishing her a happy grad....i have never said anything about us or what went wrong, etc...And all i got in response was NOTHING...........is this usual considering what we talked about when we met, etc.....we have always been each others right arms for 5 years of dating and 6 years of best friends........pretty much since she broke up on the 5th, she has not made 1 attempt to contact me in anyway......we saw each other almost 7 days a week for 5 years, it blows my mind. I have only contacted her through email about 5 times in the last 2 months, never talking about "us". I just dont understand this whole no response thing. The only time i got a reaction out of her was when i needed release forms signed by her, and she said she would only do it if the "new" guy came too, i bitched her out gracefully and polite and went right up and down her in an email, as soon as she read it, she came straight to my house, i wasnt home and she was goin all over town lookin for me...... Somebody tell me this is normal.
Merin Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Ugh.. sorry Tacoman.. An EX not returning phone calls, giving mixed signals, leading you to believe one thing and then doing another.. Check, check, check.. yes all normal behaviour of some people once they've broken up. Hang in there
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 I have to also agree with Merin, Tacoman. Breaking up after all these years hurts like hell either way for the one who was least prepared. But believe it or not, at least it shows she had enough compassion and respect left for you to handle her situation honestly. Although the pain of unrequited love feels cruel, I think she has done the kindest, most humane thing for you. I know it seemed to come out of left field and you're still in shock.. But I can't help but wonder if it might have been even worse if you discovered she was having an affair while continuing to lie and expose you to very serious health risks. I also must give her credit for not continuing to lead you on and give you false hope. For your sake, I hope she leaves you alone so that you can heal and eventually move on. Go ahead and be angry if you must. Sometimes it helps. But don't fault her for saying "goodbye" before you were ready … because at least the lady showed some class. It seems to be a rare commodity these days. Hang in there, Tacoman. We all have to go through this at some point in our lives. I hope you feel better and get on with you new life sooner than later. No contact will certainly help the process along. And just so you know…there is no such thing as "satisfied" closure no matter what unanswered questions you still want to ask. Please, don't even continue to prolong your agony by torturing yourself like that.
Fallen_Angel Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Unfortunately it IS normal, and I too am finding out first hand. I admit, my ex was very honorable when breaking up with me. But it still hurts a lot. I haven't heard from him in over a month. Today is my birthday, and I made a point to send him a card and call him for his birthday (last month). Part of me hopes to high heaven I'll hear from him, but it's foolish of me to get my hopes up. It'll get easier every day. Not a lot easier, mind you, but more like in EXTREMELY small increments.
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