btfly803 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I'm a mid 30's female and there's this guy I work with who I think is flirting with me. I'm kind of inexperienced in all this flirting/dating stuff and just have no clue how to (or even if I should) take it to another level. I'm divorced with children and have only had one relationship in the 3 years since my divorce. That relationship was not a good 1st to have after a divorce. Anyway, some of what's been going on. This guy only stops by my job for maybe 10 minutes a day. I'm usually in a different spot everyday and he typically comes to sit by me wherever I am. I'm usually with other coworkers and he just makes small talk only with me (how's your day, asking about children, etc). Well a couple weeks ago I was actually sitting alone when he sat by me. He said that I never told him how old I was (I still didn't tell him) and the ages of my children and other little small talk about his son, couple laughs and jokes about him guessing my age (he always seems nervous around me). I thought he was going to ask me out but he didn't. In hindsight, I should have just said something like "I'd love to answer your questions and continue this conversation, but how about outside of work?" Now I'm not sure when I'll be alone with him again to actually say something like that. He has my work number and knows how to reach me that way but hasn't. I have his cell number but haven't called. I'm 99% sure he's single. I kind of would like to either move it along or for all of it to just stop all together. This little small talk is getting old! Since I'm not sure if we'll be alone again, my only option would be to call or text him. I'm back in school and I occasionally have to interview people with his degree for some of my papers. I've thought about calling to ask if I could interview him either if he has 15 minutes or so at work or even meeting outside of work. I know this isn't the right way to ask someone out, but it would be the easiest for me.
salparadise Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Just text him and ask if he'd like to meet you for a drink. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. Seriously. 3
Author btfly803 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Just text him and ask if he'd like to meet you for a drink. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. Seriously. The only reason why I'm hesitant to do that is because it could go very wrong depending on what type of person he is. I only have his cell number for work reasons. Texting him outside of work reasons could lead to me being fired. One of his partners just got into a lot of trouble for doing something similar and I also think that's probably why he hasn't said too much either.
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 The only reason why I'm hesitant to do that is because it could go very wrong depending on what type of person he is. I only have his cell number for work reasons. Texting him outside of work reasons could lead to me being fired. One of his partners just got into a lot of trouble for doing something similar and I also think that's probably why he hasn't said too much either. So why risk it? ............ 1
jen1447 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Are his and/or your cell phones company phones? 1
Author btfly803 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Are his and/or your cell phones company phones? Mine isn't. His is kind of. To make it easier to understand, I'm a nurse in a hospital. He's a physician. We have most physicians cell phone numbers to contact them regarding patients only. Anything other than that would be a problem if it were reported.
jen1447 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Mine isn't. His is kind of. To make it easier to understand, I'm a nurse in a hospital. He's a physician. We have most physicians cell phone numbers to contact them regarding patients only. Anything other than that would be a problem if it were reported. Ok, then I guess you probably shouldn't call him. Assuming you don't want to just encourage him with smiles and body language, I think you're only option is to plain ask him out next time he comes around. It'll take some balls but fortune favors the bold. I wouldn't do the pretext thing btw, just seems a little phony to me. I can give you tips on how to do the actual asking out if you want but really it's a matter of you just being you. (He likes you for a reason, and it's probably not bc you act like someone else. ) 1
Author btfly803 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Ok, then I guess you probably shouldn't call him. Assuming you don't want to just encourage him with smiles and body language, I think you're only option is to plain ask him out next time he comes around. It'll take some balls but fortune favors the bold. I wouldn't do the pretext thing btw, just seems a little phony to me. I can give you tips on how to do the actual asking out if you want but really it's a matter of you just being you. (He likes you for a reason, and it's probably not bc you act like someone else. ) Thanks. I did a lot of work on myself after my divorce and that other disaster of a relationship. It's just still so hard to determine what someone's intentions are without some real conversations instead of all this small talk at work while also being extremely busy with a million other things at work. I work again tomorrow so I'll see what happens. I just wish he would do it, but for whatever reason he hasn't. Could be that after his partner getting into some major trouble with flirting with staff that he's afraid to. I wish this was easier!
jen1447 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Thanks. I did a lot of work on myself after my divorce and that other disaster of a relationship. It's just still so hard to determine what someone's intentions are without some real conversations instead of all this small talk at work while also being extremely busy with a million other things at work. I work again tomorrow so I'll see what happens. I just wish he would do it, but for whatever reason he hasn't. Could be that after his partner getting into some major trouble with flirting with staff that he's afraid to. I wish this was easier! Well if it's any consolation I'd say there's little to no doubt he's into you. Ppl don't just hang around - you specifically - for no particular reason. And who knows, maybe he's had as much bad luck in the past as you have and his asker-outer is broken too. 4
salparadise Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Regardless of the intricacies I think you're right to be thinking in terms of taking some initiative. Now that you've explained the work situation it seems likely that his hesitation is because of possible repercussions. The solution is to green-light him in such a way that he knows he's not taking that kind of risk. My gf green-lighted me. It's ok, esp. given the circumstances. 1
Author btfly803 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Well if it's any consolation I'd say there's little to no doubt he's into you. Ppl don't just hang around - you specifically - for no particular reason. And who knows, maybe he's had as much bad luck in the past as you have and his asker-outer is broken too. About him being broken is very true as well. Sometimes I forget that sometimes just because some is at the top professionally and always seems put together that they don't have little and/or big insecurities as well.
Author btfly803 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Regardless of the intricacies I think you're right to be thinking in terms of taking some initiative. Now that you've explained the work situation it seems likely that his hesitation is because of possible repercussions. The solution is to green-light him in such a way that he knows he's not taking that kind of risk. My gf green-lighted me. It's ok, esp. given the circumstances. I think that's it as well. We'll see how the week goes. His partner is married and my coworker actively flirted back with him. Somehow she then talked to our manager, then to HR and the guy is now walking around with a chaperone. I'm sure they all got lectured after that incident.
katiegrl Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 The only reason why I'm hesitant to do that is because it could go very wrong depending on what type of person he is. I only have his cell number for work reasons. Texting him outside of work reasons could lead to me being fired. One of his partners just got into a lot of trouble for doing something similar and I also think that's probably why he hasn't said too much either. Well my first thought is.... if you could get fired for merely texting him outside of work, then suffice it to say you could get fired for actually dating him outside of work too? Does the hospital have a policy against doctors and nurses and/or other staff members dating each other? What kind of trouble did one of his partners get into? Also, do you know if he has a girlfriend, or is married? I would find these things out first before you dive head first into what could be a very compromising situation for you at work.
Author btfly803 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Well my first thought is.... if you could get fired for merely texting him outside of work, then suffice it to say you could get fired for actually dating him outside of work too? Does the hospital have a policy against doctors and nurses and/or other staff members dating each other? What kind of trouble did one of his partners get into? Also, do you know if he has a girlfriend, or is married? I would find these things out first before you dive head first into what could be a very compromising situation for you at work. His partner has a chaperone with him now, but his partner was married, as well as touched someone - he touched her arm, but regardless she reported it and he was reprimanded. He's not technically employed by the hospital, but kind of contracted out. There's no policy in place for dating other staff. Of course it's strongly discouraged just like I'm sure it is in any other place of employment. I have no clue if he's married or has a girlfriend - I would hope not since he's asking personal questions. That could work both ways though, he doesn't know that I'm not seriously involved with someone. I don't consider it diving in head first. Before this guy came along, I had decided long ago not to date anyone or even think about a relationship until I'm done with school again in a few years - unless someone awesome just happened to come along. Is this guy that someone awesome? My guess is probably not, but since he's obviously interested I think it's a conversation worth having with him. If nothing else, it will get rid of all this awkwardness at work that we seem to have now.
salparadise Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 His partner has a chaperone with him now, but his partner was married, as well as touched someone - he touched her arm, but regardless she reported it and he was reprimanded. She flirted and then reported him for touching her arm, eh? What a load of crap! No wonder he's hesitant. I think you should at least make sure he isn't married. If he is then nothing good can come of any of it and you can avoid the drama. If he's not then the two of you are adults and just need to keep it on the down low at work, at least for awhile. You can probably research that online.
Author btfly803 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 She flirted and then reported him for touching her arm, eh? What a load of crap! No wonder he's hesitant. I think you should at least make sure he isn't married. If he is then nothing good can come of any of it and you can avoid the drama. If he's not then the two of you are adults and just need to keep it on the down low at work, at least for awhile. You can probably research that online. Yes, that's exactly what happened. There was obvious flirting between the two of them and everyone had noticed it. That doctor would usually joke around with all of us a lot and we had become friendly with him like most other coworkers. When I asked him how old his son was, he told me his age then said the child lives with his ex out of state. I think he was hinting then that he's not married. Married men do not appeal to me at all and I would cease even the little small talk with him if I found that out. I'll get up the nerve to ask him some time this week. If he's married or in a relationship then he's just sleazy and not someone I even want to be friendly with at work.
katiegrl Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Yes, that's exactly what happened. There was obvious flirting between the two of them and everyone had noticed it. That doctor would usually joke around with all of us a lot and we had become friendly with him like most other coworkers. When I asked him how old his son was, he told me his age then said the child lives with his ex out of state. I think he was hinting then that he's not married. Married men do not appeal to me at all and I would cease even the little small talk with him if I found that out. I'll get up the nerve to ask him some time this week. If he's married or in a relationship then he's just sleazy and not someone I even want to be friendly with at work. Just me, but I would ask him next time you talk, if he is dating anyone special or in a RL. I cannot tell you how many married men or men with girlfriends have flirted with, even come on to me, in the workplace over the years. Professional men -- lawyers, partners! (I am a paralegal). So you just never know, and to be safe before you ask him out, I would highly recommend you find out if he is married or has a girlfriend. Me? I would ask him, but I am pretty direct. You do what's comfortable for you. Good luck!
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 How could you been inexperienced with this flirting/dating stuff when you have been in relationships before?
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