Is it normal to regress?

[Esquire_Seattle]

8 weeks no contact. As the days and weeks go on, I've been getting slightly better. Last week I found out my ex has a girlfriend and is happy (not by choose at all, I've been very strict NC but a friend told me as they thought it would help me move on.)

Since then, I feel like I've been doing so much worse. Thinking about him ALL the time, thinking about them together, having vivid dreams about him. This feels like I'm totally going backwards. I've normally been able to somewhat redirect my thoughts with distraction, etc but literally in the last week I'm feeling so much worse and finding it so hard to think about anything but him, us, the great memories. It's torture.

Does it get worse before it gets better?

[Rachel39]

This could possibly be the last step for you so once you get through this you will be well on your way to been fully ok with it all.

 

I'd say it probably does because once you know they have met some else, it feels like they are fine and moving on with there life and it's a hard thing to here

 

You seem to be strong and doing great if your on 8 weeks on nc

[barky2]

You'll have ups and downs, good days and bad.

 

The thing is, when you have the good days hold onto them for as long as possible.

 

The bad days well, yea they'll be there. And it's the opposite, get over the hump as fast as possible.

 

Use the " new girlfriend " as closure, use it to say " hey , ok...now I know it's over".

 

Trust me the bad days over time will begin to become nonexistent.

 

Then one day you'll just be happy all the time.

 

Take the time needed to heal, but also remember you're doing everything right and the emotions are completely normal.

 

Wish you the absolute best, hang in there you'll be fine I promise.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Empire87]

It's not a regression because this is the first time you've had to deal with the knowledge of your ex being with someone else. So you're taking that as anyone would. It's a sucky feeling and lingers around but just like you had been doing, eventually it will fade and you'll be fine.

 

It might even end up helping because it will force you to accept the relationship being over since he's with someone else. As long as you don't torture yourself and stalk their social media pages then you are just fine

[Steven1]

Regression is sadly always possible and I think everyone has probably been there or been close at one point in many different aspects of their lives.

 

I, like you, went 8 weeks NC before my ex texted me to say sorry and everything , we texted for a few days and we kind of came to path that, we want to be friends, but I think she's debating if she still wants more too. But we decided (more her than me lol) that we still need some more time of NC. I don't feel as though I've gone backwards, I just don't think I've gone forward either.

[Esquire_Seattle]

Thanks everyone. I'm trying so hard to use the girlfriend as closure, it's just torture. He is happy and moved on and I can barely function. And of course my brain only remembers the good times. I've made lists of his flaws and the problems we had in the relationship, but I'm flooded with the good feelings and just keep picturing him telling the new girl everything he told me. I swear I'm also seeing his car everywhere and hearing his first name all the time. I can't turn it off and it's making me crazy.

[Steven1]

Every time I put Friends or Two & A Half Men on TV etc it's always a break up or get back together episode. Every time I put the radio on in the car, it's a love song lol.

[Blanco]

It comes in waves. I'm a year out and while I'm much better off, I do have my days where I just don't feel that great. But those times are fewer and further between than before. A year ago, every weekend, holiday or special occasion was hell. Last Easter was one of the most soul-crushing weekends of my life because of information I stupidly retrieved about my ex and her new guy. This Easter, I felt the occasional tinge of sadness for not sharing the holiday with her and her children, but overall, I felt fine.

 

Healing is not a linear process. You'll have good days and bad days and those aren't always correlated with anything in particular. You just might feel down one day and you're not even sure why. But with enough time and distance, those begin to fade.

[Elwood]

Thanks everyone. I'm trying so hard to use the girlfriend as closure, it's just torture. He is happy and moved on and I can barely function. And of course my brain only remembers the good times. I've made lists of his flaws and the problems we had in the relationship, but I'm flooded with the good feelings and just keep picturing him telling the new girl everything he told me. I swear I'm also seeing his car everywhere and hearing his first name all the time. I can't turn it off and it's making me crazy.

I know how you feel. My ex has moved on and is very happy and it kills me. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I'm stuck and can't seem to move on. It is hell. I'm sorry you are going through it too. I keep hoping one day it will end.

[Esquire_Seattle]

10 weeks NC. I actually had to look back and count, which I guess is a somewhat good thing.

I'm still so tortured by the fact that he moved on so quickly and him and his new GF are probably doing all the things we had plans to do this spring and summer. I know it's none of my business and I need to focus on myself, which I am doing. I was hoping the knowledge of the new GF would help me get to acceptance, but really all it's doing is making me feel so hurt, regretful, lonely and just sad.

All my friends are sick of hearing about it and just tell me to move on and get over it. So I've been trying the whole "fake it till you make it" route. But that just gets exhausting and then I can't wait to be alone so I can cry and breakdown.

[Zahara]

10 weeks NC. I actually had to look back and count, which I guess is a somewhat good thing.

I'm still so tortured by the fact that he moved on so quickly and him and his new GF are probably doing all the things we had plans to do this spring and summer. I know it's none of my business and I need to focus on myself, which I am doing. I was hoping the knowledge of the new GF would help me get to acceptance, but really all it's doing is making me feel so hurt, regretful, lonely and just sad.

All my friends are sick of hearing about it and just tell me to move on and get over it. So I've been trying the whole "fake it till you make it" route. But that just gets exhausting and then I can't wait to be alone so I can cry and breakdown.

 

10 weeks is still very early into your healing. I had those same thoughts -- thinking I'd feel better knowing if he was with someone else. It would have been easier to let go but instead it brought on a different load of emotions and those relentless thoughts of how they were spending their summer together while I was at home nursing my wounds.

 

It is going to get better. It took me about a year to finally be able to feel indifference -- and I knew I had moved on when I saw him with her and actually exchanged a hello. Walking away I felt a sense of accomplishment and the relief that it wasn't taking over my life anymore.

 

You have to give it time. Plan your summer. Life doesn't wait around for you while you find a partner -- so you go out there and dive into all the things you've been wanting to do, places you've wanted to go, goals you've wanted to accomplish. Just because you're not with him, it doesn't mean you can't go out there and do it yourself.

[Esquire_Seattle]

Thanks Zahara. Your posts are always so helpful.

I just have no desire to plan anything. I don't feel any joy or excitement and feel like I'm just going through the motions. I go to the gym, I do tons of outdoor activities, I accept invitations to get together with friends, I even took a few solo weekend trips. But none of it is enjoyable and I just want to get home and go to bed so another day will pass.

[Zahara]

Thanks Zahara. Your posts are always so helpful.

I just have no desire to plan anything. I don't feel any joy or excitement and feel like I'm just going through the motions. I go to the gym, I do tons of outdoor activities, I accept invitations to get together with friends, I even took a few solo weekend trips. But none of it is enjoyable and I just want to get home and go to bed so another day will pass.

 

And that perfectly alright. You're still grieving and it's going to take time for you to feel good again. It's akin to being seriously wounded. It's going to take time for you to be able to feel somewhat whole again.

 

For awhile you are going to go through the motions. Faking it till you make it. Pushing yourself when you just want to lay in bed and mope. Drained of energy to do anything for yourself. All very normal. And no matter how much you do to distract yourself, you feel like you're never making any progress because it somehow seems you always end up still feeling bad.

 

It's going to be like this for awhile. You just have to keep pushing and doing and moving. It doesn't seem like progress to you but every day that you put one step forward is you making little baby steps towards your healing. You are going somewhere with this -- you just have to trust the process and know that how you are feeling is not stagnation -- it's not an indication that it is always going to be this way.

 

Just keep going. You're headed somewhere, slowly but surely.

[Weathersf1]

3 plus months for me too since BU and total NC. It sucks but then I'm OK and the cycle keeps repeating itself. I know it will get better. Just gotta keep pushing and have faith.

 

One person can not make or break us.