Asking about other dates whilst on a date

March 28, 2016

Is this an ok thing to do?

Have had a dating experience recently where a guy has asked me how many other dates I've been on and am I getting lots of attention from other men.

Could this mean he's not into me if he's wiling to ask such questions? I don't think I'd want to hear about my dates recent dating partners if I was interested in him romantically...

March 28, 2016

No it means he's either insecure or a sign that he's controlling. He wants to know if you're going out with other guys so he can see if he's competing with anyone for your time and attention.

If you told him "no I'm not seeing anyone else right now".. Then you're telling him that you've got nothing else goingn on and he's your only opportunity right now. That will influence the effort he puts in because he knows no one else is in the picture.

If you tell him you're seeing others then he might feel the need to tell you he is as well in order to make you think he's got options too. This is just a waste of time and stupid.

What did you tell him btw?

If I were you I would deflect answering and basically tell him that it's none of his business at this point. You just met the guy and this was your first date right? So he really has no reason he could legitimately use for wanting you to tell him that.

Plus any answer you give him will work against you. So just avoid that. You can do it jokingly or teasingly or sarcastically so as not to make it a big deal as well.

"Are you seeing anyone else ?"

- "why, you wanna be exclusive after 1 date already?! .. Sheesh, let's have dessert first at least... I'm not that kinda girl"

- " we gonna ask how many people we've slept with before the entire comes too or what?"

"Are you getting a lot of attention from guys?"

- "I have yours don't I?"

- "why do you ask?"

- " lol I don't know... Do you not like seeing attractive girls? I mean if i was a guy I'd wanna date someone who turns heads... Maybe you're different I dunno"

Then if he says no that's not what I meant, of course I wanna date a pretty girl, you can make him feel like an ass by saying

"So then if your unsure if I get a lot of attention then are you saying you don't find me attractive?.... Thanks, real nice "

Turn the tables on him.

March 28, 2016

No it means he's either insecure or a sign that he's controlling. He wants to know if you're going out with other guys so he can see if he's competing with anyone for your time and attention.

If you told him "no I'm not seeing anyone else right now".. Then you're telling him that you've got nothing else goingn on and he's your only opportunity right now. That will influence the effort he puts in because he knows no one else is in the picture.

If you tell him you're seeing others then he might feel the need to tell you he is as well in order to make you think he's got options too. This is just a waste of time and stupid.

What did you tell him btw?

If I were you I would deflect answering and basically tell him that it's none of his business at this point. You just met the guy and this was your first date right? So he really has no reason he could legitimately use for wanting you to tell him that.

Plus any answer you give him will work against you. So just avoid that. You can do it jokingly or teasingly or sarcastically so as not to make it a big deal as well.

"Are you seeing anyone else ?"
- "why, you wanna be exclusive after 1 date already?! .. Sheesh, let's have dessert first at least... I'm not that kinda girl"
- " we gonna ask how many people we've slept with before the entire comes too or what?"

"Are you getting a lot of attention from guys?"
- "I have yours don't I?"
- "why do you ask?"
- " lol I don't know... Do you not like seeing attractive girls? I mean if i was a guy I'd wanna date someone who turns heads... Maybe you're different I dunno"

Then if he says no that's not what I meant, of course I wanna date a pretty girl, you can make him feel like an ass by saying
"So then if your unsure if I get a lot of attention then are you saying you don't find me attractive?.... Thanks, real nice "

Turn the tables on him.

I was kind of truthful and make light of it and said I'd been on a few dates and asked him the same, think I flipped the question on him there.

His answer was that he'd had a couple and he went on to ask if I had any irons in the fire, I said not really and he said he didn't either.

It was our second date that he asked his btw, last night in fact.

I'm just not sure why a guy would ask this info so early on.

I've had a guy ask me this before and I told him the truth and he ended up calling me a serial dater but then turned round and said he only meant that I had more options than serial dating.

Guys have double standards!

March 28, 2016

He could also be simply figuring out if you're worth pursuing. If he's just one of a number of guys you're interested in, he might not bother and put his efforts where they are more likely to reap a relationship.

I know I'm about to sound very old fashioned, but I think spending time and money on a person who's also seeing others is such a waste.

March 28, 2016

He could also be simply figuring out if you're worth pursuing. If he's just one of a number of guys you're interested in, he might not bother and put his efforts where they are more likely to reap a relationship.

I know I'm about to sound very old fashioned, but I think spending time and money on a person who's also seeing others is such a waste.

I'm with you on that front, not keen on investing too much time/money if the person I'm dating is just playing the field.

Why can't guys just be up front though if they're interested in exclusivity, or heading towards that, there are ways to make this known.

March 28, 2016

I'm with you on that front, not keen on investing too much time/money if the person I'm dating is just playing the field.
Why can't guys just be up front though if they're interested in exclusivity, or heading towards that, there are ways to make this known.

It could well have been the start to him making it known. Though if this is the case, I worry that he didn't say as much during the conversation.

March 28, 2016

I think with online dating now, guys like to know what the competition is like and they often can't handle it if a woman is actively dating the same amount of people that they are.

They assume that women are dating as a number game when in truth, a lot of us are looking for the right fit and when we find that right fit, all other dates will cease.

March 28, 2016

Asking if about your "dating status" is not weird. YOU SHOULD!

Because in this time, unfortunately its like people do many variations of stuff.

While back in the days it was normal that you only go on date with that one person you liked and had a eye on for a while.

It sound like the best thing to do to ask it at first date at a certain point.

So you can know how serious this person is about you or that you should invest much or no int it and what you may aspect. and so on.

Because many people also just go true the whole single list and meet all and then

chose one as the final winner.urghhh. :s

But asking also in combination with "do you get attention of many men" sounds weird and also maybe like a creep red flag/ controlling/extreme jealous person?!!

Its not a good thing to ask. Or when it been asked you should pay attention! And see what its really about.

So you wont ends up with a abusive or sick bf/gf.

March 28, 2016

Asking if about your "dating status" is not weird. YOU SHOULD!
Because in this time, unfortunately its like people do many variations of stuff.
While back in the days it was normal that you only go on date with that one person you liked and had a eye on for a while.

It sound like the best thing to do to ask it at first date at a certain point.
So you can know how serious this person is about you or that you should invest much or no int it and what you may aspect. and so on.
Because many people also just go true the whole single list and meet all and then
chose one as the final winner.urghhh. :s

But asking also in combination with "do you get attention of many men" sounds weird and also maybe like a creep red flag/ controlling/extreme jealous person?!!

Its not a good thing to ask. Or when it been asked you should pay attention! And see what its really about.
So you wont ends up with a abusive or sick bf/gf.

Do you think it's weird talking about your tinder experiences with each other though, like a bit tmi? This guy said the thing with tinder is you swipe left so many times and there'll be one person you wish you swiped right on but it's too late because of the quick rate you were swiping left. I was like oh ok..

March 28, 2016

Do you think it's weird talking about your tinder experiences with each other though, like a bit tmi? This guy said the thing with tinder is you swipe left so many times and there'll be one person you wish you swiped right on but it's too late because of the quick rate you were swiping left. I was like oh ok..

I don't see a problem with discussing the OLD experience overall, or tinder nuances, however there's a fine line that I would expect someone to stay behind as far as the conversation goes. If the tinder convo came up naturally through the convo and he just said that and moved on then no big deal. But if a guy is talking about specific details and dates he went on where the girl was aggressive or things that you don't want to hear about, then you have something to find rude.

Don't make too much about the guy asking you if you're dating others or using OlD frequently. He's just trying to get an idea about what kind of girl you are and what your outlook is right now. If you had said "eh I mean I'll get asked out here and there yea but for the most part there hasn't been anything that's met my standards as far as progressing forward with them". That tells him that you're a mature girl who isn't just casually dating or using guys to feed her ago and go on dates

March 28, 2016

I was kind of truthful and make light of it and said I'd been on a few dates and asked him the same, think I flipped the question on him there.
His answer was that he'd had a couple and he went on to ask if I had any irons in the fire, I said not really and he said he didn't either.
It was our second date that he asked his btw, last night in fact.
I'm just not sure why a guy would ask this info so early on.
I've had a guy ask me this before and I told him the truth and he ended up calling me a serial dater but then turned round and said he only meant that I had more options than serial dating.
Guys have double standards!

This is actually a question EVERYBODY should ask! Think about it. It is vitally important to understand where the person you are dating is at in the process and what they believe about dating.

Look, it's important to make sure you are both playing by the same rules.

March 28, 2016

This is actually a question EVERYBODY should ask! Think about it. It is vitally important to understand where the person you are dating is at in the process and what they believe about dating.

Look, it's important to make sure you are both playing by the same rules.

I get that it's asking from a place of wanting to understand, but asking about how much attention I receive is a bit weird- it's the second time a guy has asked me this and I don't know what it means from a guys perspective.

March 28, 2016

No it means he's either insecure or a sign that he's controlling. .

Really? When you meet someone from OLD, it's pretty natural for the subject to come up. Shared horror stories, how often you've met someone in person, etc.. It always just seemed like natural part of conversation.

OP - My advice would be to say something like "It gets hard trying to read all the emails, but I'm definitely selective on who I actually meet in person" This way you don't sound like you're meeting men left and right.

March 28, 2016

I agree with FF - this is a normal OLD first date topic. I guess it does depend on your age range though. Talking about OLD dating experiences in your 20's might be kind of weird. But when you're in your 30's and above, that's pretty typical. I love swapping Match.com horror stories...

March 28, 2016

Is this an ok thing to do?

It's a really lame and stupid thing to do.

Have had a dating experience recently where a guy has asked me how many other dates I've been on and am I getting lots of attention from other men.

He's insecure.

A girl I'm seeing has guys following her on social media, telling her how 'beautiful' she is. I could let that get to me, if I didn't know better

This guy isn't your boyfriend, or husband, and your options have nothing to do with him.

March 28, 2016

Agreed, I found online dating came up often as a topic of conversation when I met new guys. It's something you have in common plus it reveals something about the person you are talking to. Are they full of complaints about their experience and pessimistic? Are they optimistic and outgoing?

I also think it is important to talk about dating styles in general pretty early on to avoid miscommunication later. Establish whether you are both single or multi daters just to make sure you're on the same page.

March 28, 2016

I also think it is important to talk about dating styles in general pretty early on to avoid miscommunication later. Establish whether you are both single or multi daters just to make sure you're on the same page.

I agree with this! It's definitely good to be clear on dating styles, it's mature and honest.

I think the guys asking about attention I get are probably the jealous type and have dented egos or something. Will be steering clear of people like that!

March 28, 2016

Dating questions a may be an attempt to have conversation. You know very little about each other but at least have OLD in common. It's natural to try and relate, to find common ground.

The other angle, is a guy might ask because he's attracted to you and he's already concerned about losing out to someone else.

Now, let's think about your hesitation. I take that to mean you've done a fair amount of recent dating and don't want to admit it to avoid embarrassment, seeming slutty, or something along those lines. If you have only been on one other date that meant nothing, then you would own up to it quickly. Instead, you've been on numerous dates and you worry that could make you seem like a revolving door, picky, perhaps have too high of standards.

So why do you want to avoid the topic?

March 28, 2016

Dating questions a may be an attempt to have conversation. You know very little about each other but at least have OLD in common. It's natural to try and relate, to find common ground.

The other angle, is a guy might ask because he's attracted to you and he's already concerned about losing out to someone else.

Now, let's think about your hesitation. I take that to mean you've done a fair amount of recent dating and don't want to admit it to avoid embarrassment, seeming slutty, or something along those lines. If you have only been on one other date that meant nothing, then you would own up to it quickly. Instead, you've been on numerous dates and you worry that could make you seem like a revolving door, picky, perhaps have too high of standards.

So why do you want to avoid the topic?

Haha, you're fairly accurate.

I have found that if you tell most guys that you're an active dater, that they think you're not actually looking for a relationship and are looking for a free meal or whatever the heck else.

I had a guy I really liked tell me that I was a serial dater after our 1st date and it definitely wounded me, despite me telling him that I wasn't and never mind the fact that he had told me he'd been on a fair number of dates.

March 28, 2016

Yeah seems fine to me. I usually multi-date and expect my dates to be doing the same. If a guy asks me on a date if I'm dating others I just assume that he'd like to know whether I'm focusing on one person at a time, or whether I'm playing the field. I would answer honestly. Some people aren't comfortable being your third date in a fortnight, and if they know that's happening they get the option to back out.

March 28, 2016

Yeah seems fine to me. I usually multi-date and expect my dates to be doing the same. If a guy asks me on a date if I'm dating others I just assume that he'd like to know whether I'm focusing on one person at a time, or whether I'm playing the field. I would answer honestly. Some people aren't comfortable being your third date in a fortnight, and if they know that's happening they get the option to back out.

I agree. It took me some time to appreciate it but honesty is really best in these situations. Of course there's a difference between polite honesty and being too honest. You also don't want to look like you are being vague in a way that is deceptive.

If it was me, I'd just be frank and say that while I'm on the site, I respond to messages and am looking to get to know people with the main goal of finding a long-term relationship; however I think getting to know someone in person is better than talking on the site and I'd only meet someone whom I think has real potential. Then hopefully the conversation will segue into a discussion on the differences between real-life/online interaction and hopefully lead to sharing some funny stories.

Oh I'd also reiterate that while I may go on dates with a few good prospects, if it gets to the point of being physically intimate, I would cut off all connections and just focus on that person I had been intimate with. I think this is probably the main concern for men (am I right?) that they aren't being intimate with someone who is being intimate with others at the same time - at least this is what I think most men would be concerned about if they liked a woman.

March 28, 2016

I agree. It took me some time to appreciate it but honesty is really best in these situations. Of course there's a difference between polite honesty and being too honest. You also don't want to look like you are being vague in a way that is deceptive.

If it was me, I'd just be frank and say that while I'm on the site, I respond to messages and am looking to get to know people with the main goal of finding a long-term relationship; however I think getting to know someone in person is better than talking on the site and I'd only meet someone whom I think has real potential. Then hopefully the conversation will segue into a discussion on the differences between real-life/online interaction and hopefully lead to sharing some funny stories.

Oh I'd also reiterate that while I may go on dates with a few good prospects, if it gets to the point of being physically intimate, I would cut off all connections and just focus on that person I had been intimate with. I think this is probably the main concern for men (am I right?) that they aren't being intimate with someone who is being intimate with others at the same time - at least this is what I think most men would be concerned about if they liked a woman.

Yeah this is basically the exact conversation I had with my now boyfriend! We talked on date one about our dating styles. He said he dated one person at a time (like after date one where it was clear he at least had some interest). I said I dated multiple people until I got to know them more, but was only ever sexually with one person. I actually did date other people after I met him until we had our fourth date or so, to my knowledge he didn't... Then we agreed we were exclusive around date 5 or so, took profiles down around a month, etc.

March 28, 2016

I agree with FF - this is a normal OLD first date topic. I guess it does depend on your age range though. Talking about OLD dating experiences in your 20's might be kind of weird. But when you're in your 30's and above, that's pretty typical. I love swapping Match.com horror stories...

I don't mind talking about it briefly and having a laugh, but its not something I want to talk at great length about or get hung up on it.

March 28, 2016

Sharing funny/horror online dating stories on a first date is pretty normal. Asking someone if they're also dating others would make me uncomfortable and I certainly never ask about that until requesting exclusivity. I mean how do you even know the other person is giving you an honest answer? Also I wouldn't change my approach either depending on the answer.

March 28, 2016

Sharing funny/horror online dating stories on a first date is pretty normal. Asking someone if they're also dating others would make me uncomfortable and I certainly never ask about that until requesting exclusivity. I mean how do you even know the other person is giving you an honest answer? Also I wouldn't change my approach either depending on the answer.

Totally, it's something I'd be up for talking about if I was on the way to exclusivity with someone, it immediately puts you on the back foot if you're asked this question because you think 'why the hell are they asking if I'm seeing other peope, it's a 1/2/3rd date?'

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Asking about other dates whilst on a date

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