Coollaxer Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Haven't posted in a while, all has Been good and well since last post. Long story short I play lacrosse on a team and always get banged up, bruises and such. Well I have a bruise on my neck and it looks identical to a hickey, no doubt looks like I have one. And she questioned me about it for like 2 hours wondering if I could be Trusted to tell the truth. Well long story short she siad she her guard down once and look where that got her is what she said to me and she didn't want to let it down again. ( from when I lied to her check posts from log ago.) Well we got into an argument and it didn't really end badly or good it was kinda a fight but we were just talking but it ended in us not talking for 20 mins than cuddling and taking a nap, now it seems okay as she just left to get home for curfew. (1pm) I just feel like it's immature she can't let that go. From so long ago something so stupid. She said during the fight that she wants to trust me but she can't fully trust me. She can trust me. But just not to the extent of what happened months ago. Am I wrong here or is she being dramatic and immature?
Empire87 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 First of all you should know how to get rid of a hickey of you have one. If not then that's something you can do to avoid this all together. Also, just to be blunt, after you finish freshman year of high school, hickeys are not something to brag about or make you look cool. If people see someone with that, usually they're thinking "look at this guy, walking around with a hickey like he's 15 and just finished spin the bottle... Creep" No one cares that some girl sucked your neck for 7 seconds dude. And unless your gf is the one that did it, it's basically a sign to everyone else around you that you're with someone else. Rub it out with a toothbrush. Problem solved. I'm a little skeptical that it really did come from lacross just because if that was the case then you'd have shrugged off your gf when she accused you of having a hickey. Also, when was lacrosse in terms of timing? Did you see your gf yesterday then have lacrosse, then she saw you today and that's when the argument happened? If that's the case then you should just be able to throw common sense at her. "If I saw you yesterday right before lacrosse, then came home and talked to you on the phone, then saw you today... When the heck could I possibly have been with someone else getting my neck sucked on? Please tell me where that is possible? " A lot of times you just need to show that they're being irrational and over dramatic. However, if you were out with friends/girls the last couple days and she knows that, well then it's obvious she's gonna be skeptical. If you participate in arguing and trying to prove you didn't do something with her, then you're just an enabler to the issue. If you know that you didn't do anything and it's really from lacrosse then you should just dismiss the subject and not deal with her under she calms down or drops it. Usually when a guy really has nothing to be apologetic for, he doesn't get upset or argue because it's impossible to prove something that never happened.
len51 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I happen to think a healthy amount of distrust is a good thing. It would not have blindsided me when my fiancee of 5 years cheated on me or the live in girlfriend after her, did the same. My experience with women that I was sure would never cheat, has led me to never trust anyone 100% and that has served me very well. It has lessened the disappointment when people cheat on me whether in life or love. It also took my blinders off and left me feeling that monogamy was just not workable for some. My research led me to know that both monogamy and having sex with multiple partners, are the two most successful methods of passing on our genes throughout the generations and why all of us exist. My wife and I did not have a monogamous marriage until our sixties, it was monogamish. The very occasional sex with someone for a night or two, was not a deal killer as long as it is the exception and not the rule. If it were not for this, my wife and I both agree that we would have divorced a long time ago. Yet with this freedom, the combined number of people we had sex with is a single digit over our 40+ year marriage. Despite being in our mid sixties and having medical problems which precludes most types of sex, and my wife being bisexual with a strong preference for sex only with woman if not with me, I still track my wife's whereabouts on my iPhone. I never trust anyone 100% after all. You can still love someone a lot even though you have a healthy and I emphasize healthy, amount of distrust. You never know what people will do under extreme stress or emotional turmoil.
Empire87 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I happen to think a healthy amount of distrust is a good thing. It would not have blindsided me when my fiancee of 5 years cheated on me or the live in girlfriend after her, did the same. My experience with women that I was sure would never cheat, has led me to never trust anyone 100% and that has served me very well. It has lessened the disappointment when people cheat on me whether in life or love. It also took my blinders off and left me feeling that monogamy was just not workable for some. My research led me to know that both monogamy and having sex with multiple partners, are the two most successful methods of passing on our genes throughout the generations and why all of us exist. My wife and I did not have a monogamous marriage until our sixties, it was monogamish. The very occasional sex with someone for a night or two, was not a deal killer as long as it is the exception and not the rule. If it were not for this, my wife and I both agree that we would have divorced a long time ago. Yet with this freedom, the combined number of people we had sex with is a single digit over our 40+ year marriage. Despite being in our mid sixties and having medical problems which precludes most types of sex, and my wife being bisexual with a strong preference for sex only with woman if not with me, I still track my wife's whereabouts on my iPhone. I never trust anyone 100% after all. You can still love someone a lot even though you have a healthy and I emphasize healthy, amount of distrust. You never know what people will do under extreme stress or emotional turmoil. With all due respect, I think your stance here is something that's due to your specific experiences as an individual and not something to be used for an overall outlook. Anyone who has been cheated on will carry that with them throughout their lives and remember the hurt it caused. But not trusting people 100% ever, will never prevent you from being cheated on or hurt again... It will just prepare you so you're not surprised or in shock of it does happen again. Perhaps the pain of that relationship where she cheated on you caused you to change the standards and hopes you previously had in order to avoid opening yourself to being vulnerable again. For example... Think about if that girl never cheated on you at all. And you ended up getting married, having kids, and are celebrating your 30th anniversary. You never slept with anyone else during that time and neither did she. Would you be open with and ok with it if she at age 65 asked you to sleep with someone else just as a physical need and nothing more? Or would your ideal view of marriage and love, make you uncomfortable with that? You say that you and your wife now have slept with under 10 people in the time you've been together. What if that number for her was way higher? Would that change your view on open relations? What if she fell for one of those partners? How would that affect you? All I'm saying is to allow people who want to be able to trust their partner to remain loyal the ability to do so without the suggestion that it's inevitable they'll hurt you. That's not the case at all. Do a lot of marriages end? They do. But trusting them 95% instead of 100% isn't going to make it suck any less
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I happen to think a healthy amount of distrust is a good thing. It would not have blindsided me when my fiancee of 5 years cheated on me or the live in girlfriend after her, did the same. My experience with women that I was sure would never cheat, has led me to never trust anyone 100% and that has served me very well. It has lessened the disappointment when people cheat on me whether in life or love. It also took my blinders off and left me feeling that monogamy was just not workable for some. My research led me to know that both monogamy and having sex with multiple partners, are the two most successful methods of passing on our genes throughout the generations and why all of us exist. My wife and I did not have a monogamous marriage until our sixties, it was monogamish. The very occasional sex with someone for a night or two, was not a deal killer as long as it is the exception and not the rule. If it were not for this, my wife and I both agree that we would have divorced a long time ago. Yet with this freedom, the combined number of people we had sex with is a single digit over our 40+ year marriage. Despite being in our mid sixties and having medical problems which precludes most types of sex, and my wife being bisexual with a strong preference for sex only with woman if not with me, I still track my wife's whereabouts on my iPhone. I never trust anyone 100% after all. You can still love someone a lot even though you have a healthy and I emphasize healthy, amount of distrust. You never know what people will do under extreme stress or emotional turmoil. Wow.... There's mistrust, then there's paranoia..... There is absolutely no such thing as 'a healthy amount of distrust' no matter how much you emphasise it. 1
Author Coollaxer Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 First of all you should know how to get rid of a hickey of you have one. If not then that's something you can do to avoid this all together. Also, just to be blunt, after you finish freshman year of high school, hickeys are not something to brag about or make you look cool. If people see someone with that, usually they're thinking "look at this guy, walking around with a hickey like he's 15 and just finished spin the bottle... Creep" No one cares that some girl sucked your neck for 7 seconds dude. And unless your gf is the one that did it, it's basically a sign to everyone else around you that you're with someone else. Rub it out with a toothbrush. Problem solved. I'm a little skeptical that it really did come from lacross just because if that was the case then you'd have shrugged off your gf when she accused you of having a hickey. Also, when was lacrosse in terms of timing? Did you see your gf yesterday then have lacrosse, then she saw you today and that's when the argument happened? If that's the case then you should just be able to throw common sense at her. "If I saw you yesterday right before lacrosse, then came home and talked to you on the phone, then saw you today... When the heck could I possibly have been with someone else getting my neck sucked on? Please tell me where that is possible? " A lot of times you just need to show that they're being irrational and over dramatic. However, if you were out with friends/girls the last couple days and she knows that, well then it's obvious she's gonna be skeptical. If you participate in arguing and trying to prove you didn't do something with her, then you're just an enabler to the issue. If you know that you didn't do anything and it's really from lacrosse then you should just dismiss the subject and not deal with her under she calms down or drops it. Usually when a guy really has nothing to be apologetic for, he doesn't get upset or argue because it's impossible to prove something that never happened. First of all if you knew me You would know I would be the last person on earth to cheat. I play lacrosse 6 days a week and I didn't do anything with an other human being lol. Being thst I didn't do anything and she was actually getting mad at me I needed to argue back being that I did NOTHING lol but the fact she's bringing up what happened months ago and that we decided to burry and not bring it up Agoan she brings it up? That's messed up and that she can't trust me bc of thst? Cmon that's immature and very dramatic if you ask me
sandylee1 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I don't know what happened to make her mistrust you. You haven't said what it is .... but if you did indeed break her trust in the past .... then it's not a huge suprise that she feels this way. I would say that it's not good to trust blindly and swear that your partner would never ever in a million years cheat... because knowing so called pillars of the community like pastors.. who preach against adultery .... nothing suprised me anymore.
Author Coollaxer Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 When we were about 3 months in we had sex, long story short I swore to her I wouldn't tell anyone And thst was a mistake bc I ended up telling a few people and she went through my phone to find out bc I lied Abojt telling people that. Than It slipped out again and I lied about telling people again but I came clean abou
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Why do guys do that? What on earth could the conversation have been, that prompted you to reveal that you and your GF had sex - even though you knew full well she had asked you to NOT tell anyone? And I'm sorry, I don't believe it slipped out, the next time. That's like saying "I had an affair but I couldn't help it". You already knew by then that it was something that made her unhappy, and to mistrust you. Your desire to tell someone became stronger than your desire to comply with her wishes. Not once - but twice. Two times, you blabbed about it, and two times you lied to cover your tracks. No wonder she doesn't trust you. I can't honestly say I blame her.
sandylee1 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 When we were about 3 months in we had sex, long story short I swore to her I wouldn't tell anyone And thst was a mistake bc I ended up telling a few people and she went through my phone to find out bc I lied Abojt telling people that. Than It slipped out again and I lied about telling people again but I came clean abou In which case I fully understand why the trust is gone. You swore you wouldn't tell anyone.. and you seem to think that was the big mistake .... and not the fact that you actually went telling people ....seriously? Was it to brag? Or make her look bad? Why did you feel you had to tell people? How old are you both? Honestly.... I would have dumped you for doing that if I was her. You're very lucky she's still with you after that.
Author Coollaxer Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 In which case I fully understand why the trust is gone. You swore you wouldn't tell anyone.. and you seem to think that was the big mistake .... and not the fact that you actually went telling people ....seriously? Was it to brag? Or make her look bad? Why did you feel you had to tell people? How old are you both? Honestly.... I would have dumped you for doing that if I was her. You're very lucky she's still with you after that. No it wasn't to brag. Half of the people I told I wanted advice from to fix what I had done and when I did that I told more people. I wasn't thinking. But I told about 6 or 7 people. She told about 4 people and she came clean when she did and didn't lie about it like I did. I still feel horrible about it bjt it seems childish to keep bringing it up no? It's not like I was trying to hurt her. Hejdjd
Author Coollaxer Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 In which case I fully understand why the trust is gone. You swore you wouldn't tell anyone.. and you seem to think that was the big mistake .... and not the fact that you actually went telling people ....seriously? Was it to brag? Or make her look bad? Why did you feel you had to tell people? How old are you both? Honestly.... I would have dumped you for doing that if I was her. You're very lucky she's still with you after that. Ignore last typo. And we are both 18. Both lost virginitird to each other and that's what happened. I treat her like gold and I always have besides that one mistake. She will even tell you that. Did you tell anyone about losing your virginite?
kendahke Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I happen to think a healthy amount of distrust is a good thing. It would not have blindsided me when my fiancee of 5 years cheated on me or the live in girlfriend after her, did the same. My experience with women that I was sure would never cheat, has led me to never trust anyone 100% and that has served me very well. It has lessened the disappointment when people cheat on me whether in life or love. It also took my blinders off and left me feeling that monogamy was just not workable for some. My research led me to know that both monogamy and having sex with multiple partners, are the two most successful methods of passing on our genes throughout the generations and why all of us exist. My wife and I did not have a monogamous marriage until our sixties, it was monogamish. The very occasional sex with someone for a night or two, was not a deal killer as long as it is the exception and not the rule. If it were not for this, my wife and I both agree that we would have divorced a long time ago. Yet with this freedom, the combined number of people we had sex with is a single digit over our 40+ year marriage. Despite being in our mid sixties and having medical problems which precludes most types of sex, and my wife being bisexual with a strong preference for sex only with woman if not with me, I still track my wife's whereabouts on my iPhone. I never trust anyone 100% after all. You can still love someone a lot even though you have a healthy and I emphasize healthy, amount of distrust. You never know what people will do under extreme stress or emotional turmoil. I've been cheated on and if I was of the mindset that no one was to be trusted, that would mean I was using a past issue to control my future and to control others--and that I wasn't ready to enter into any relationship at all. That is not baggage for someone else to sort--that's your heavy lifting to do. If you dont' want to do the heavy lifting, don't get into relationships. It's patently unfair to force someone else to deal with unresolved BS you choose not to resolve. It's quite selfish, actually. It's leaving yourself unnecessarily fragmented and eventually, no one is going to want to have to put up with you and your issues. 1
kendahke Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 First of all if you knew me You would know I would be the last person on earth to cheat. I play lacrosse 6 days a week and I didn't do anything with an other human being lol. Being thst I didn't do anything and she was actually getting mad at me I needed to argue back being that I did NOTHING lol but the fact she's bringing up what happened months ago and that we decided to burry and not bring it up Agoan she brings it up? That's messed up and that she can't trust me bc of thst? Cmon that's immature and very dramatic if you ask me You've got 2 choices: Stay with her and be prepared for her to unearth this buried issue when it suits her purposes or stop dealing with her because it's never going to stay buried. She's showing you that this is the case. Now you know. Proceed knowing this truth about her.
kendahke Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 No it wasn't to brag. Half of the people I told I wanted advice from to fix what I had done and when I did that I told more people. I wasn't thinking. But I told about 6 or 7 people. She told about 4 people and she came clean when she did and didn't lie about it like I did. I still feel horrible about it bjt it seems childish to keep bringing it up no? It's not like I was trying to hurt her. Hejdjd Oh yeah, I remember this thread. Did she say she forgave you? Did you both agree to stay together and move on? Looks like she can't keep her word on that. If you can't trust someone, why be with them? Why all the unnecessary drama? That isn't what healthy love relationship is about.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Oh yeah, I remember this thread. Did she say she forgave you? Did you both agree to stay together and move on? Looks like she can't keep her word on that. If you can't trust someone, why be with them? Why all the unnecessary drama? That isn't what healthy love relationship is about. Because they're both 18, and they both think this is it, this is the one; losing your virginity to someone ties you to them for life, and nobody else will ever get a look-in, ever. "The one"...? Wrong. GIVING (not losing) your virginity to someone doesn't bind you together, for ever, inseparably. (You don't 'lose' something if you deliberately give it away with pleasure....) Really, you need to consider what the pluses are in this relationship and whether you are BOTH willing to make every effort to work, together, to keep those pluses. But tbh, this isn't built to last. It's extremely rare that an "I gave away my virginity" relationship lasts. One reason is that you are BOTH insufficiently mentally/emotionally mature to keep this on an even keel. besides, you probably have a world of dating to do before you think in terms of 'long-lasting', when it comes to a relationship. 1
Recommended Posts