What is going on?!?! Mind blown.

[Firefly91]

This was a LDR and a 20 yr age difference. I cut the idea of dating off and he got through to me and I trusted him. Everyone told me from the get go not to get involved with someone his age and never been married or had children. But we clicked so well I didn't listen. And for the record yes we've met and will be seeing one another again in a month at a function. So here goes

 

We clicked amazingly well. We met fast. Talked nonstop every day. Talked about moving me in with him and marrying me and "knocking" me up . He told me he came to the second weekend together w all intentions of telling me he loved me but when he got there he just didn't feel it. Told me he did like me and liked the idea of marriage and children but didn't know if he could actually commit and he had never been so close to wanting someone to move in with him. Lost already? Me too. So it works back out and we get over it and we spend another weekend together. Thought things were so much better and he acted so much better afterwards. Then I wanted a title (to note he asked me to be his gf earlier on and I had said it may be a bit too fast. He even brought it up again at the the weekend he said he "didn't feel it" and we had talked then about me moving in with him. He insisting I move into his house I wanted to be separate in an apartment) after I wanted the title he told me we would be best as friends that he could never give me what I wanted and he didn't feel we click the way we should have in person. What? So this was about a month ago. It's been a struggle of swearing I'm never talking to him again then apologizing Bc I do want him in my life. Last week I was ready to drop it all. I told him if he knows all I'll ever be to him is a friend then I don't want that and he doesn't want as much as I do so we either need to compromise or let it go. He said he liked the idea of compromising but he's not sure what that means. Told him let's just be friends for a bit and see if things can go back how they were. He agreed and we both said we didn't want the other to go we were just being stubborn and wouldn't say it. So now he's still going to the gathering in a month. He doesn't want to talk about all the serious things I made him feel before. He's very distant in convo.

 

I asked when this initially happened if there were someone else, if it were the sex, and if there was lack of attraction or if I did anything and he denied all of that and said I wouldn't understand & he can't explain it but I did nothing.

 

We spoke Friday night on my way out with friends and I asked if he would be mad if I had someone come meet me. He said "why would you even bring that up?" I said "well if we're just friends and that's where you plan on keeping me I think it's what I need to do to help myself get over you" he got frustrated I could tell and wouldn't answer if he would be mad at me but finally said "do what you want. I can't tell you what you can or can't do while I figure out what I do or don't wanna do" I told him I didn't know he was tryin to figure things out & thought he just agreed to pacify me and I don't want to contaminate things and to take the time he needed and I would tell the other guy not to come. So we text a bit yesterday morning. All was well. Then last night I um..I drank a lil and sent a few texts just being silly never anything serious. He was out too. I got one response....then a butt dial. How do you even butt dial anymore?!? But when I text and told him he butt dialed me he laughed it off and said sorry and he was going to bed.

 

Today we talked but it was mainly me. I know he was hungover and didn't feel well. He just gave me short answers. Said he didn't feel like talking tonight and would call tomorrow. I told him I wonder how it'll be seeing each other because we will not have seen each other in 2.5 months by then and he said "I'm sure we'll be fine". We told each other night and told him to feel better and be more fun again tomorrow Bc I feel like I'm talkin to a wall lately.

 

How do you all analyze this? What's going on? And what's the best way for me to get what I want back out of him? What do I do? As of now I'm thinking not nc so much as just give him space and talk when he wants. Is he just playing games with me or is this an internal thing his he's almost 50 never been able to commit other than a failed engagement like 10-12 yrs ago. He was looking at rings for me and kept asking my ring size! Is he just scared that he can see himself with me or is he just stringing me along just in case?

 

Thank you in advance for any responses. I really do appreciate any input.

[bathtub-row]

Personally, I wouldn't waste another second trying to figure any of this nonsense out. The guy is a total flake and my impression is that he's just playing you. For the life of me, I can't figure out why you would entertain for one second wanting to be with a guy who told you he's just not feeling it for you and just wants to be friends. I think he's sleeping with other women and treating them all exactly as he's treating you. And the ones crazy enough to stick around will get the same reactions from him.

 

I think the real question here is why are you willing to let anyone treat you in such a way? Why do you choose to ignore all the red flags in this situation? Why do you persist in analyzing something that's so obvious it requires no analyzing whatsoever?

[Firefly91]

Personally, I wouldn't waste another second trying to figure any of this nonsense out. The guy is a total flake and my impression is that he's just playing you. For the life of me, I can't figure out why you would entertain for one second wanting to be with a guy who told you he's just not feeling it for you and just wants to be friends. I think he's sleeping with other women and treating them all exactly as he's treating you. And the ones crazy enough to stick around will get the same reactions from him.

 

I think the real question here is why are you willing to let anyone treat you in such a way? Why do you choose to ignore all the red flags in this situation? Why do you persist in analyzing something that's so obvious it requires no analyzing whatsoever?

 

I've wondered the same trust me. But then I just think if he is, it's not my business at this point is it? I question why a lot too. And I think I just shouldn't speak. But the argument we had where we kinda reached our agreement for the time being is Bc I told him not to come out to where the trip is that it's been discussed and he was only invited Bc he and I were together and everyone else had said they rather have me there and if we weren't speaking I didn't want to see him. He basically said he was going to come anyways because his flight is already booked and if I decided I was okay with him he'd come meet up with everyone. If not it's a big place and we wouldn't have to see each other. Said if things are still good between us then he'll cancel his room and stay with me but as of now he doesn't want to bank on me not knowing if I'm gonna try to write him off again by then. So you don't think I can win this one? I kind of felt like its him running and he admitted before he was. Said he just can't commit and could keep things like this at a distance for a few more years and he knows I'd never be okay with it.