KingLuka Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Hi guys, Im new to the forum and was just wanting some advice as I've been going through a tough time of late and was wanting some peoples perspective. My girlfriend broke up with me roughly 2 months ago and I am still struggling to move on. I was with this girl for over 7 months and will admit I was so so happy with her and her with me, often telling each other how much we were in love and how happy we both were, everything seemed perfect and tbh I felt so lucky to have her. She was so so beautiful (miles better than me), was smart, funny, was into exactly the same things I was, came from a great background and was so driven. I was 23 and she 22 and both in uni. She openly talked about moving in with me in a year as her dad would buy her a house, getting married to me, having kids and in all honesty i felt the same. I thought I was going to marry this girl. However one day she randomly arrived at my door with my clothes and keys to my house in her hand and said "This just isnt working, bye". I was devastated to say the least and still am. She just didnt give a reason which has eaten away at me made even worse that she is part of a large friend group I am in so I see her out all the time with me and everytime it hurts. Anyways, throughout the course of our relationship her eating really worried me. When I noticed the fact she didnt eat much she replied with "To be honest, I feel bad over the fact I even have to eat". She nearly fainted whilst driving twice and had to pull over. She had fainted on me before and i had to grab her and put her to bed. She often used to come up to me on nights out and say "please take me home, I need to eat or I will drop". She refused to take any milk that wasnt the fully skimmed red milk, even causing arguments with others as a result of this. One of our first dates we went for pizza and later on, like 4 months later, she brought up that date and said "Back when I actually pretended I like food, you do realise I starved myself for like a week to make up the allocated calories for that meal." She counted her calories, eating 700 a day and when she did eat it was always roughage ie high fibred meals often just eating high fibred cereals, and stating "I would love just to eat this for every meal". She used scales all the time to weigh out everything, knew the calories of each food off the top of her head. She also went to the gym and again fainted on a few occasions. She would count her calories for that day and I would often hear her cheer to which i would ask naively "why are you so happy?" and she would respond "oh i under-ate by 200 or so calories today". Things like this used to really upset me. She was very jealous, even telling me not to walk to work with a girl I worked with, asking to see a photo of her also and asking me what I thought of her. She would get jealous even on nights out if I was having a conversation with a girl in our friend group that we were both friends with. She said things like "When I go out and see girls laughing I think they are laughing at how ugly and fat I am." It was alot to deal with and there was more. On a daily basis she would proclaim how fat she was. Even when being intimate if it lasted anyways long she would get annoyed after and say "you dont find me attractive, I know ive put on weight, im sorry, im sorry" to which I would reassure her. She also loved when it didnt last long at all and would tell me to finish quickly and got so turned on by it. It was all a bit weird and often at times I felt under pressure to make her happy in doing so. She used to get random bruises all the time and get sick quite a bit, flu sick i mean. I one day sat her down and told her she has to eat protein to keep her strength up and thankfully she did, but only after she was very ill and had to go to hospital. She would randomly cry, especially when drunk, and say things like " I am filled with so much hurt and pain and you are the only thing that is making me happy" I dont know if she does have an eating disorder as I know most girls are concerned with their eating but I was just wondering do you guys think she does/did? I still love the girl so much and want to get back with her but she has refused to meet me on a few occasions in a non-drinking environment, saying that "we just didnt work out." Then on nights out tells me she still loves and cares for me and will meet one day with me but only when shes ready and that it could be in a few months. I dont know what to do as everyday is torture and she even lives opposite me on the same street so I see her about all the time and her car. Like a constant reminder. What would you guys do and does it seem im better off without her? Even before I got with her all my mates told me to stay away as she was not all there in the head and they knew her better than myself. Thanks for any advice 1
Marco Valerio Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Yeap, she has an ED and your friends are right. She's not your responsibility, she has her parents to take care of her, but only herself can get her out of an ED. I went out with a girl with an ED and it was terrible for my sanity. You might think you can help her with it, but the reality is that you can't. Mental illnesses are the worse ones. If you want one piece of advice, tell her parents about your concerns and walk away. You are not in a relationship with her, considering getting involve into it, will suck you like a tornado. 1
Author KingLuka Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Yeap, she has an ED and your friends are right. She's not your responsibility, she has her parents to take care of her, but only herself can get her out of an ED. I went out with a girl with an ED and it was terrible for my sanity. You might think you can help her with it, but the reality is that you can't. Mental illnesses are the worse ones. If you want one piece of advice, tell her parents about your concerns and walk away. You are not in a relationship with her, considering getting involve into it, will suck you like a tornado. Thanks for your response. It's very hard to move on as I genuinely thought this girl was the love of my life and I still do. I made some mistakes in our relationship, ie I think I tried to encourage her to eat a bit too often than I should have done. It was also a difficult time for her as she was hating her uni course and was having to get up at 6am every morning for it which took its toll. The last 3 weeks of our relationship I was a bit quiet and moody at times as I was going through alot, (I was very sick but didnt tell her), and my entire family were going through something bad and I couldnt go home to see them but I never told her anything as I knew she was going through alot and I felt I was being a good boyfriend by not telling her. After we broke up I told her all of my problems on a night out and she seemed upset that she didnt pick up on it and that I didnt tell her. She later on that night came up to me on the dance floor and looked upset so i hugged her and she hugged me and I said "One day I hope you learn to love yourself as much as I did you" to which she started to cry and then walked to the bathroom. When she broke up with me I was devastated and texted her a good few times, asking to meet with her to talk and she just said she wasnt ready yet. I told her how much i loved her, that she was the love of my life basically and that she said the same to me countless times and that its hard to think it was all a lie. I know I shouldnt have contacted her but its so hard especially given how badly she ended it. She is genuinely fulfilling the stereotype of a selfish, spoilt, rich girl with the constant "we will talk, one day, but only when Im ready to, I still love you and care for you and who knows what might happen in the future." I think she enjoys having me on a string. I don't know what to do. Since the breakup I actually bumped into her ex of 3 years on a night out, he recognised me somehow even though I never meet him nor seen him before. He asked how things were with me n his ex and I said we broke up to which he said "Let me guess, she either broke up for no reason with you or because she got insanely jealous?" He then told me she broke up with him so much over the course of their 3 year relationship for no reason but always came back, that is was so hard and that he only really was happy again when he moved on from her and that he is now much happier with someone else and has been going out with her a year now. I still love her and want her back in my life. She also chose to break up with me at the worse time in my life as I have alot of exams coming up and tbh I havent been able to open a book to revise in 2 months as I am just so down all the time and cant stop thinking about her. I felt like my life was planned out with her. She said that she would be with me forever and would always stand by me, its just so hard to think it was all lies.
Marco Valerio Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I know what you are feeling and going through. But you have to accept that is not possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who suffers from an ED. She needs to get over her illness and learn to love herself before thinking about loving relationships. You've been warned by your friends, her ex boyfriend and more important, by herself. There's no benefit for you if you decide to take that path. She needs professional help, not yours. If you really want to take action, the best thing to do, let her parents know about her ED (if they don't already know).
Marco Valerio Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I still love her and want her back in my life. She also chose to break up with me at the worse time in my life as I have alot of exams coming up and tbh I havent been able to open a book to revise in 2 months as I am just so down all the time and cant stop thinking about her. I felt like my life was planned out with her. She said that she would be with me forever and would always stand by me, its just so hard to think it was all lies. I know the feeling, but it is not your fault, your love for her was and is real. Now you need to look for someone who can love you the same way. People with EDs are self-destructive and pathological liars. They are not gf/bf material. 1
Author KingLuka Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 I know the feeling, but it is not your fault, your love for her was and is real. Now you need to look for someone who can love you the same way. People with EDs are self-destructive and pathological liars. They are not gf/bf material. Thats what my brother and her ex said aswell. She is into very dangerous things ie drives extremely fast, has horrible road rage, is going to get a motorbike for her 23rd birthday. When I told my brother this he said that she will end up dead as she sounds like she is filling a void of pain with living dangerously. Her ex said that she said the exact same things to him then broke up with him like 2 weeks later ie getting married etc; and then got back together 2 months later. He said that if they even had a small disagreement she would think it was an argument, and blowing everything all out of proportion, which she done with me a few times.
Author KingLuka Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Also do you think her apparent eating problem was a reason why she ended so abruptly with me, and without a real reason?
lana-banana Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 No. Eating disorders don't cause breakups. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you, period. I hate to say it but right now her issues are no longer any of your business. Your best bet is to block her out of your life and only resume contact if you both want to.
Author KingLuka Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 I'm having a really bad day today. I woke up with such anxiety as I have done every day since she broke up with me. i still love her so much and want her in my life and she knows that. I am constantly fighting the urge not to contact her and honestly its breaking me. All i want is to hold her and tell her everything will be ok. Someone please tell me I'm better off without this girl. Sorry for this post but its honestly so so hard.
Marco Valerio Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I'm having a really bad day today. I woke up with such anxiety as I have done every day since she broke up with me. i still love her so much and want her in my life and she knows that. I am constantly fighting the urge not to contact her and honestly its breaking me. All i want is to hold her and tell her everything will be ok. Someone please tell me I'm better off without this girl. Sorry for this post but its honestly so so hard. Of course you're better without that girl, and you know that. You need reassurance? you've got it. Keep strong, avoid contacting her, do your best and keep yourself busy. You know you deserve a better girl, someone who wants to be with you and will respect you.
Author KingLuka Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) Hi guys, Im just posting in here again as I'm really really down tonight, all my friends including my ex who is in my friend group are away out but I decided to stay in as the thought of seeing her was too upsetting for me. Its just very difficult for me as in terms of looks, personality and (although this is so bad to say but it was a nice bonus to have) money i dont think i will do any better. She was incredibly good looking, everyone always said it, randomers used to come up to me and her and literally gush over her and I got on so so well with her and loved her more than I ever thought possible. Its just very hard as everytime i leave the house i am given constant reminders. She even parked her very expensive car outside of my house tonight. Tell me Im better off again without this girl, I know I am but its so hard. Edited April 2, 2016 by KingLuka
Author KingLuka Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 I also just found her on tinder literally just there now. I know that sound be no big deal but its just hard. Im actually so upset right now
Author KingLuka Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 I feel like Im on the verge of doing something stupid like contacting her, talk me out of it. please
mightycpa Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 OK. You're like a burger, fries and a milkshake and she can't handle you. She might take a little bite, but she'll throw the rest of you in the garbage.
Author KingLuka Posted April 12, 2016 Author Posted April 12, 2016 Do you guys think this relationship was ever sustainable given her issues? I mean we both got on so well, I would say at the time she was my best friend. I loved her so much. But given how bad her eating disorder was and how she was found the odd tantrum do you think I am better off without her? I mean she was so so beautiful and I got on so well with her. But she did flip out and for example tried to kick m out of her car because she got annoyed at someone on the road/me because i didnt want to stop for coffee and speed like mental down the road and nearly hit a car, so when we arrived at my house I told her to just chill on the road as the last thing i and her parents want is for her to be in a serious accident; she said "so now youre saying im a **** driver, get the **** out" i refused to so she stormed into my house and didnt speak to me the rest of the day. Was I in the wrong there? There were so many stories like that one.
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