tim_90 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Hi All I am currently two moths post breakup, in what was my first ever serious relationship which lasted 4 months. I am a bit of a late bloomer in this respect. I found the breakup quite tough, she got colder on me in the last month, we went on a week 'break' and then it was all over as she didn't want to be in 'any relationship right now'. Anyways, the first month post breakup was pretty tough, I had consumed my time initially with grief and anger and then I became obsessed with these so called 'how to get your ex back program's'. This was obviously a load of rubbish, however i needed a point of closure from the relationship, as she broke up by text I didn't really have chance to say anything. I decided, for better or for worse to send her a video of me just saying that I understand why we broke up, I have no hard feelings towards her (I deleted her on Facebook, she then blocked me and said to text me again), and i wish her the best in the future. This way If I see her in the future Things hopefully won't be sour. This may have been an error out of inexperience on my part but after I sent it i felt good and felt like that was closure. I then joined a dating site and have since met up with a nice girl on a few occasions, as well as having a few other options in this department . Now then, I am two months post breakup now and yet I cant't quite shake her from my mind. If I allow myself then i keep getting these nostalgic feelings and start remembering things which were said by her or her family. I have trained myself to not let this happen now and I want to try and forget the past. My question is simply, how long will it be till im over them? Also is there any way to speed up this process? Thanks for reading my essay 1
mariababy Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 I learnt it the hard way that you can't put a timeframe on it. It takes time and lots of it and it is a slow process. I think the moment I started embracing "each day at a time", the healing process actually seemed to get a lot faster. If you get those nostalgic feelings, I would say embrace and grief over them instead of getting angry at yourself for feeling that way. Accept that it is part of healing and you will be surprised how much sooner you actually start feeling better. 3
Satu Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 I learnt it the hard way that you can't put a timeframe on it. It takes time and lots of it and it is a slow process. I think the moment I started embracing "each day at a time", the healing process actually seemed to get a lot faster. If you get those nostalgic feelings, I would say embrace and grief over them instead of getting angry at yourself for feeling that way. Accept that it is part of healing and you will be surprised how much sooner you actually start feeling better. ^^^ this ^^^
Author tim_90 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Hi Guys thanks for reading this I am two months single now from my first ever relationship (a late bloomer). It lasted 4 months and she ultimately ended it. I have read online that you have seven stages of grief post breakup, i.e shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance. At the moment I feel pretty depressed, lonely and just feel like life has stopped. Is this normal post break-up and how long will this last for? I know I will meet someone new and better than my ex, but I can't help feeling crap about my life right now Thanks 1
Raina314 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Hey Tim, I'm sorry for what you're going through . Sometimes it really doesn't even matter how long you spend with someone, the end just kills you inside and it can take a while to be able to feel alive again and feel happy. How long it takes is different for everyone, but 4-6 months is probably average for being able to at least get back on your feet. You may still have relapses and times of sadness, but the constant, every day is horrible feeling usually doesn't last too much longer than that. Hang in there, it can be really hard to stay strong now but you can do it. 1
Satu Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 You'll get through it. Spend time on yourself and the other people in your life and you'll be ok. Life isn't about just one person. Take care. 1
darstar007 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I'm still 18 months into my post divorce depression (after 9 year marriage). She truly blindsided me and has completely cut me off from her (i believe because she has found someone else). The pain has been debilitating. I think I'm an extreme case though. Hopefully won't take more than a year for you. Best wishes 1
faithfully Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Hi Guys thanks for reading this I am two months single now from my first ever relationship (a late bloomer). It lasted 4 months and she ultimately ended it. I have read online that you have seven stages of grief post breakup, i.e shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance. At the moment I feel pretty depressed, lonely and just feel like life has stopped. Is this normal post break-up and how long will this last for? I know I will meet someone new and better than my ex, but I can't help feeling crap about my life right now Thanks you will be fine. everyone is different in how long it took them to get over their ex. the ex that brought me to this forum after a year relationship took me some time, cant remember exactly when i got over him, don't really care. been single for nearly 3 years and I don't even think of him its alright to feel depressed, angry, pissed off, sad. Just cry it out till you can no longer cry. in a few months or even years, you will laugh and wondered what all that fuss about her was about. I go back to my post when I came here in 2013 and read about my break up and to be honest it was cringy to read, to ever think I was so hung up on a person like that was embarrassing. you will be fine 1
Satu Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 The sadness stops when you stop 'sadding.' Thoughts and feelings are behaviours, not something you can't change, like the weather. When you finally decide that you've been through enough, you'll stop 'sadding.' Having said that, it is important to allow yourself to feel sad, to grieve, for a while. Just don't allow it to become a permanent or settled state. You'll be ok. 1
darstar007 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I go back to my post when I came here in 2013 and read about my break up and to be honest it was cringy to read, to ever think I was so hung up on a person like that was embarrassing. you will be fine I can't wait for the day that I feel the same about myself. 2
candie13 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 first RS, first break up.. normal to be shocked and in pain. tell yourself that getting back on your feet is a process. Talk to friends, don't isolate yourself, read, grieve, and keep people close. Trust that things will go better with time. it will get better 1
SunnyWeather Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Hi Guys thanks for reading this I am two months single now from my first ever relationship (a late bloomer). It lasted 4 months and she ultimately ended it. I have read online that you have seven stages of grief post breakup, i.e shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance. At the moment I feel pretty depressed, lonely and just feel like life has stopped. Is this normal post break-up and how long will this last for? I know I will meet someone new and better than my ex, but I can't help feeling crap about my life right now Thanks how old are you, if you don't mind me asking? You ask if this is 'normal'. I'm not so sure. Have you found yourself at other times in your life feeling the same way? You say : "I can't help feeling crap about my life right now". This makes me wonder if the break up triggered something deeper that you are avoiding. If you find yourself feeling "depressed" for a month longer, I'd suggest you seek some support beyond an online community.
faithfully Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I can't wait for the day that I feel the same about myself. I promise that day will come if you're still on this website. I read my post on him yesterday and I was embarrassed for myself, I thought you stupid cow haha. Really?? Was sooo cringy. It takes time, like I said mine has been 3 years almost. I came here Oct 3 years ago. But yeah you will get there. What helped me was I said OK from the 1st Jan, I will move on, I deleted him and all his friends on facebook, blocked, unfollow on instagram. I then prayed to the lord for making me see this person wasn't good for me and prayed that he has a wonderful life. Let go of all the anger and resentment, it's not worth it for your inner peace. He has a new girlfriend and a baby girl, his daughter is sooo cute, beautiful baby. I wish him well You will get there maybe not on the same level as me but you will
Author tim_90 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 So I am 25, like I say a late bloomer to the relationship game, partly on my terms in that respect. I think It came about at the wrong time, me wanting a new job, life plateauing somewhat. Yesterday whilst writing the post I was hungover with post night out lows, i had just slept with someone else for the first time and pretty tired. I think I'm just a tad lonley, which Is natural after a breakup im sure. Normally Im highly positive and I always look for the best In life when some don't. But i just think that the breakup hit me at the culmination of a few things together. Feeling better today, I just think that the weekends are when I can feel a bit down, so finding fun stuff to do is a must
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