teacher92 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 suffer from depression, anxiety and I'm on the bipolar spectrum. Girl friend of 7 years dumped me in late January. Struggling immensely. Have had thoughts I never thought I could have. We went to high school and college together. She promised me so many times we would be together forever. She went off to med school about four hours away from where I began working after college. So we were both in new places. I'm a bit of an introvert and I'm a school teacher so most of the people I was interacting with on a day to day basis were much older than me. She, on the other hand was going to school will all people almost exclusively her age. She had classes all day with the same people 5 times a week. Within a month, she called me on phone to break up with me. I didn't initially do a great job understanding the lack of time she had for me, but I could have done worse. The first break up phone call was brought on by me asking if I could come up for my birthday weekend (Labor day weekend in America, September 4th). She rebuffed even though she had a three day weekend and told me I could not come. I was upset and called her on it and said she seemed to have time to go out after classes but not any time for me. That fight led to the break up call. She called me so angry and resentful toward me At the end of the call, i asked for an opportunity to come see her because I never believed she would be able to go through with the break up in person. After some back and forth, she agreed for me to come. Went and saw her and she was hesitant at first, but we talked through some things. I was going to sleep on the couch but she then asked me to come to bed with her. We hugged and cuddled and talked until she kissed me on the chest. I thought about kissing her on the lips, went to but then pulled back. She then planted one on me and began to make out with me. That proceeded to sex and her telling me she wasn't sure if that was the right decision. I told her she wouldn't regret giving me another shot. And we went to sleep, I held her all night. In the morning we woke up and talked a bit more. she did work for school while I did some work for my job on my computer. I could feel her break her concentration and look at me several times until she told me. "I don't want you to leave." I said I didn't want to either, and we talked a little about what we both needed to better. I had to respect her class and study time more, and she needed to make a little time for me each week. Something like 30 minutes at the end of a week to facetime or skype. After that we had about three very good months. I would come see her at her school every two weeks and we drove home to our old hometown for thanksgiving and Christmas together. She was the first to tell me she loved me again. First on a phone call, and first in person. She would tell me every day how happy she was we were better. I went up for her birthday and other weekends and she would legitimately cry when I left. And then something shifted. I don't know what happened, but she stopped being so warm and affectionate toward me. She stopped appreciating good luck on your exam texts. She stopped making time for me and even told me she could not call me on her way home from school (her car has a built in hand free connection for her phone) because she was studying her notes instead. Studying her notes at 1 am in the dark while driving home. I somehow believed that at the time. Finally, at the end of a really stressful week for the both of us.( I had to coordinate history fair at school as a first year teacher, and it was the final week of her second block. ) I called her on my way home and she answered. I said I"'m so happy this week is over, hope you had a good day. Do you want to facetime later?" She responded "yes definitely I can't wait, I've been looking forward to it all week." She then told me she just was going to go out to eat for her friends birthday to celebrate the block being over, and then she would be home to call me. Long story short, she went out to eat, and then out to a bar. She told me they had decided to go "out out " after dinner and I told her to have fun. I then sent a text that said, "do you think we will still be able to talk tonight?" She answered "prob." and then didn't text me for four hours. I have to admit I lost it here, I asked why she couldn't give me a more definitive answer than "prob". Within the time she wasn't contacting me I sent a few text messages expressing my anger and sadness that she was again not making time for me. And called and left a voicemail asking what her deal was? She finally answered in text and apologized in what I thought was a heartfelt way. She said she loved me so much and didn't know what came over her, that she was just out with her friends and lost track of time. She promised to call me in the morning so we could talk. The morning came and she called and she was already on the way home to our hometown for block break. She told me she was confused and wasn't sure how she was feeling again. She said she had no idea why she did that to me the night before, but that she no longer felt bad for it. She took the week of the block break to " think about what she wants" She told me she was coming to see me and we were going to talk with an open mind and heart about our issues. She came up and immediately told me it was over. Didn't one listen to a word I had to say. I went again into panic mode. I pleaded with her to stay with me for the night to see if anything could spark it. She was hesitant but agreed. We attempted to go to bed and I tried to kiss her to see if she could again feel anything. She resisted at first but as I began to become upset she reached for me and kissed me to make me feel better. But when the kissing was done, she told me she couldn't be with me. She then asked me to hold her all night and to not let go. We did that and slept and in the morning we woke up and her attitude was the same. She said she couldn't be with me right now but made three promises: 1. If she ever felt ready to be with someone again, I'd get the first chance. 2. She would always take my call if I ever felt the need to talk if I was having a bad day 3. She would never hurt me again. She proceeded to begin dating someone a month after we broke up. Answered 0 of many calls, and hurt me tremendously. Those thoughts I never thought I would have have been incredibly hard to slow down. I don't know where to go. I feel so lost. Hurt and annihilated.
Author teacher92 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 How long that post was. sorry about that. Would def. appreciate any insight anyone can offer though
mmmike Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 suffer from depression, anxiety and I'm on the bipolar spectrum. Girl friend of 7 years dumped me in late January. Struggling immensely. Have had thoughts I never thought I could have. We went to high school and college together. She promised me so many times we would be together forever. She went off to med school about four hours away from where I began working after college. So we were both in new places. I'm a bit of an introvert and I'm a school teacher so most of the people I was interacting with on a day to day basis were much older than me. She, on the other hand was going to school will all people almost exclusively her age. She had classes all day with the same people 5 times a week. Within a month, she called me on phone to break up with me. I didn't initially do a great job understanding the lack of time she had for me, but I could have done worse. The first break up phone call was brought on by me asking if I could come up for my birthday weekend (Labor day weekend in America, September 4th). She rebuffed even though she had a three day weekend and told me I could not come. I was upset and called her on it and said she seemed to have time to go out after classes but not any time for me. That fight led to the break up call. She called me so angry and resentful toward me At the end of the call, i asked for an opportunity to come see her because I never believed she would be able to go through with the break up in person. After some back and forth, she agreed for me to come. Went and saw her and she was hesitant at first, but we talked through some things. I was going to sleep on the couch but she then asked me to come to bed with her. We hugged and cuddled and talked until she kissed me on the chest. I thought about kissing her on the lips, went to but then pulled back. She then planted one on me and began to make out with me. That proceeded to sex and her telling me she wasn't sure if that was the right decision. I told her she wouldn't regret giving me another shot. And we went to sleep, I held her all night. In the morning we woke up and talked a bit more. she did work for school while I did some work for my job on my computer. I could feel her break her concentration and look at me several times until she told me. "I don't want you to leave." I said I didn't want to either, and we talked a little about what we both needed to better. I had to respect her class and study time more, and she needed to make a little time for me each week. Something like 30 minutes at the end of a week to facetime or skype. After that we had about three very good months. I would come see her at her school every two weeks and we drove home to our old hometown for thanksgiving and Christmas together. She was the first to tell me she loved me again. First on a phone call, and first in person. She would tell me every day how happy she was we were better. I went up for her birthday and other weekends and she would legitimately cry when I left. And then something shifted. I don't know what happened, but she stopped being so warm and affectionate toward me. She stopped appreciating good luck on your exam texts. She stopped making time for me and even told me she could not call me on her way home from school (her car has a built in hand free connection for her phone) because she was studying her notes instead. Studying her notes at 1 am in the dark while driving home. I somehow believed that at the time. Finally, at the end of a really stressful week for the both of us.( I had to coordinate history fair at school as a first year teacher, and it was the final week of her second block. ) I called her on my way home and she answered. I said I"'m so happy this week is over, hope you had a good day. Do you want to facetime later?" She responded "yes definitely I can't wait, I've been looking forward to it all week." She then told me she just was going to go out to eat for her friends birthday to celebrate the block being over, and then she would be home to call me. Long story short, she went out to eat, and then out to a bar. She told me they had decided to go "out out " after dinner and I told her to have fun. I then sent a text that said, "do you think we will still be able to talk tonight?" She answered "prob." and then didn't text me for four hours. I have to admit I lost it here, I asked why she couldn't give me a more definitive answer than "prob". Within the time she wasn't contacting me I sent a few text messages expressing my anger and sadness that she was again not making time for me. And called and left a voicemail asking what her deal was? She finally answered in text and apologized in what I thought was a heartfelt way. She said she loved me so much and didn't know what came over her, that she was just out with her friends and lost track of time. She promised to call me in the morning so we could talk. The morning came and she called and she was already on the way home to our hometown for block break. She told me she was confused and wasn't sure how she was feeling again. She said she had no idea why she did that to me the night before, but that she no longer felt bad for it. She took the week of the block break to " think about what she wants" She told me she was coming to see me and we were going to talk with an open mind and heart about our issues. She came up and immediately told me it was over. Didn't one listen to a word I had to say. I went again into panic mode. I pleaded with her to stay with me for the night to see if anything could spark it. She was hesitant but agreed. We attempted to go to bed and I tried to kiss her to see if she could again feel anything. She resisted at first but as I began to become upset she reached for me and kissed me to make me feel better. But when the kissing was done, she told me she couldn't be with me. She then asked me to hold her all night and to not let go. We did that and slept and in the morning we woke up and her attitude was the same. She said she couldn't be with me right now but made three promises: 1. If she ever felt ready to be with someone again, I'd get the first chance. 2. She would always take my call if I ever felt the need to talk if I was having a bad day 3. She would never hurt me again. She proceeded to begin dating someone a month after we broke up. Answered 0 of many calls, and hurt me tremendously. Those thoughts I never thought I would have have been incredibly hard to slow down. I don't know where to go. I feel so lost. Hurt and annihilated. Feel better. Break ups are very very painful. There are no words to make you feel better. Just know that I and many of us on here have been through very similar break ups and we are struggling too. It does get better. Sometimes you feel great, then terrible again... then back to great again for a few days. It can be a roller coaster of emotions. Time will heal you and even then maybe not totally but you will get better. Work on yourself to improve your own life. Again, I know that my words wont help the pain right now but just know you have a bunch of virtual friends on here ready to be there for you and listen any time youre in pain. Feel better!!
mmmike Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 How long that post was. sorry about that. Would def. appreciate any insight anyone can offer though Regarding your girl, she seems to be off doing her own thing and maybe this is a case of Gigs... who knows. We are all in the same broken hearted boat.
Author teacher92 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Regarding your girl, she seems to be off doing her own thing and maybe this is a case of Gigs... who knows. We are all in the same broken hearted boat. I do feel like it's a rebound, but obviously could be wrong. The dude has to be one of the main reasons we aren't together. No way she jumps into something in a month that wasn't premeditated. She had a tendency to alienate people in her life that aren't directly in front on her. No relationship with her best friend from high school. Talks to one girl friend from college who usually instigated the conversations. I always thought I was the exception.
SammySammy Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I don't think all the emotions helped. The insecurity, anger, panicking, pleading ... each time you did that you drove her further and further away. At least she had the decency to think about what she wanted and tell you before finding someone else. Sounds like a good woman. You sound like a decent guy too. Just think about it before you blow up on somebody because of a perceived slight. Find a better way of handling the situation. That type of stuff drives wedges between people.
Author teacher92 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 I don't think all the emotions helped. The insecurity, anger, panicking, pleading ... each time you did that you drove her further and further away. At least she had the decency to think about what she wanted and tell you before finding someone else. Sounds like a good woman. You sound like a decent guy too. Just think about it before you blow up on somebody because of a perceived slight. Find a better way of handling the situation. That type of stuff drives wedges between people. Yeah definitely can't disagree with you there. Every time I sent a text or made one of those calls. I would regret it and ask myself why. I go back and forth on whether I had justification to be so worried. It seems like it's possible. Pretty sure she knew she wanted this guy but kept it going until I had another blow up.
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