Not really sure how to proceed, it's getting ridiculous

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

First of all, I just want to say that I can't believe I'm posting on this forum again, 6 months after my breakup.

 

A little background - High school sweetheart broke up with me after dating for almost 2 years the summer before college, even though we had decided to stay together. I made tons of mistakes after the breakup; I was clingy, desperate and even creepy. She blocked my phone, my snapchat, and my facebook. A few months ago, she showed up at my college and hooked up/went further than that with a dude after getting me thrown out of a room at a frat party. Then, she refused to talk to me after she came out from the room. Needless to say, that night was a disaster. Slowly though, I tried to forget.

 

I can't. I can't forget that night, and I can't forget the breakup. I can't tell myself that I don't feel what I felt for her anymore. I've been trying to fake it, but I can't anymore. I can't lie to myself anymore. Tonight has been the absolute worst. I can't go out with friends because I'm not in the area. I can't stop thinking about her and remembering New Years' last year with her. To top it off, today she deleted the last picture of us she had on facebook. I know this because one of my close friends told me. She had deleted others before, but she just now deleted this last one. It hurts for sure.

 

 

 

So in summary; A girl that I love broke my heart, badly. And she blocked me on every communicative channel so I don't have the ability to contact her at all, not that she would react well even if I could. I'm dejected, beat down and battered, honestly a little depressed. the last 8 months have been hell for me, and it doesn't seem like there's any end in sight. I'm not going to kill myself or anything extreme like that, but I do have the self awareness to recognize that I'm slipping deeper and deeper into a hole that's going to be tough to get out of. I can't even sleep at night. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[Wewon]

You need a change of venue. Secure all of the avenues to contact her, she blocked you, you should block her as well. This will eliminate the temptation to try to contact her anymore. Get rid of any reminders of her.

 

Find a good network of friend(s) to talk to, at the very least, someone you can vent to that can keep one foot in reality. Your mind and feelings will be playing with you quite a bit for a while and someone in your life like that will help you keep some rational perspective on things. You're more likely idealizing her right now as well as overplaying how bleak things are. Keep in mind that she and the relationship had a lot of flaws in it that you are now rid of for the better.

 

Start investing your time into other things, your school work, hobbies, etc. Set some goals and work toward them.

 

This is the definition of a rough patch and it will take some time to work through it.

[Sar112]

I had a pretty similar experience years ago now - it's tough that's for sure especially when it's your first love we're talking about, you think for a long time that no on else will live up to them. That's not true though - eventually, instead of just remembering all the good parts, you will start to see that there were negatives to the relationship too.

 

I hate to say it, but I think the real point at which you completely get over someone, is when you meet someone new - and I don't mean have a bit of a fling - I mean meet someone who you really like and who gives you butterflies again. There's no telling when that will be - it may be another 6 months, it may be tomorrow, but it will happen.

 

In the meantime, I suggest you do all you can to work on yourself. Do things you enjoy no matter how small, hang out with friends (and if there are none near by, make an effort to find new ones).

 

Remember that your ex has probably only blocked you because she finds it hard to deal with the hurt that she has caused - it's nothing personal. I have done exactly the same thing as you in the past - begged and pleaded - and now I look back I feel ashamed for acting that way, but I believe it's only natural when you love someone to want to hold onto them.

 

Also, your friend shouldn't be running back to you telling you what she has an hasn't done on facebook - it's unfair. Maybe ask them not to tell you anything in future. If you refrain from looking at things, it will make it that little bit easier again to heal.

 

I read somewhere the other day about what a powerful thing the imagination is - so if you don't know what is going on in her life you can simply imagine that she is on her own and that she will be single forever :') Sounds silly, but I think it definitely helps.

 

You will get there. There will be good days and bad days, but just remember you are worth so much more than the way she chose to treat you. There is a girl out there who will appreciate you and value you the way you deserve to be valued.

[Qboro90]

First I think that you should tell your friends that while you thank them looking out for you, you'd appreciate it if they didn't tell you details about what your ex is doing, seeing, or what is on/not on her social media accounts because it does more harm then good hearing about that stuff. True friends won't try to bring you down with negativity.

 

Second, I agree with the above poster who says you don't truly get over someone until you find someone new that sparks your interest in a deeper way. Force yourself to go out and socialize and attend parties. You're in college for goodness sake. You might not think so but even just going out where there are people your age and having a cute girl make eye contact with you, or smile your way, is all it takes to give you that ego boost and pick me up to where you think "wait a sec, there's a ton of gorgeous girls around who I can go after. Life ain't that bad"

[GlobeTrotter9]

I feel for you mate. My ex girlfriend broke up with me a while back after 3 years together and was seeing somebody else within 5 days. I had the misfortune of running into them on multiple occasions having dates and being close with each other. I know the crushing feeling of knowing she's with somebody else.

 

I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that you'll wake up one day and everything will be fine but it is a process that takes time. Further down the line you'll look back at everything that happend and wonder why you were ever so down. If they truly have moved on then you owe it to yourself to do the same, life is too short to be upset. I found the gym to be a great way of dealing with all the pain. Every time I got upset I would lift weights, run, row whatever until I couldn't go any longer. Not only does it relieve a lot of stress but it also helps your appearance! I've run into my ex a few times in the gym now and its quite satisfying catching her checking me out as I leave

 

I also whole heartedly agree with the above posters, finding somebody new really is a great healer! At first I thought this girl was the one and that I'd never find anyone like her again. But I've recently started seeing a new girl who's made everything feel just fine again.

 

Don't force yourself into acting like you're over her. Everyone has a different grieving cycle and if yours is a long one then accept it and let nature run its course. Talk to friends and family about until you get bored of speaking about it yourself. A problem shared is a problem halved. Chin up pal, it does get better. Trust me!

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

Thanks for your responses guys. I do have a solid group of friends that has been really supportive to me throughout the whole thing, but at this point even they are getting tired of hearing it from me. I don't really blame them, it's been such a long time. I have been with other girls since the break up, and really none of them have come close to being as satisfying as my relationship, not even close. I do get in the gym to de-stress, but still nothing seems to work. It's been a really really tough year and 2016 isn't exactly starting on a high note.

[erklat]

6 months isn't very long time. I was still creepy after that long. I can just recently remember days when I'm not even thinking about her and its well over two years.

Patiently work towards becoming a better person. That

kept me going, constant notion of the person I was meant

to be.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

Quick update on the situation guys;

 

Hung out with some of my buddies tonight, and one of them had seen her and he told me that from what he heard from her, she couldn't cares less about me, and didn't even give me a second thought. Also, today one of her friends posted a picture of her and some guy on new years on facebook. It definitely sucked to see and hear. I know it shouldn't though. Like I should be over her. What I've done is I've unfollowed her close friends on facebook so I can't see their posts. I guess my goal is just to cut her out of my life completely, although that will be impossible. What do you guys think?

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

I dated my first love for around a year and a half in high school, and we broke up 9 months ago, in the summer before college. The relationship was awesome, and everything I ever wanted. The breakup was terrible, a lot of which was my fault. I was clingy and needy and couldn't stop contacting her after she broke up with me, and I said and did some things that I definitely regret. She was kind of cruel both before the breakup and after it, saying extremely hurtful things and whatnot. But, in the end the last message I sent her after a couple months of no contact was a friendly message, asking her if she wanted to talk for closure and to diminish the animosity. She said no, and blocked me on everything. Fine, message received.

 

Fast forward a couple of months. I'm still not completely over her, but we're at college now and I'm definitely getting there. Then, everything changes. One night, at a frat party, she shows up at my college (hers is pretty close by), and I see her with a guy, and then I see her blowing this guy. And she knew I was there, she saw me and got me kicked out of the frat before she hooked up with the guy. Then, after the party, she refuses to talk to me alone, and when she does talk to me, she says little and doesn't care though I am clearly upset and trying to hide it. And when I walk away, she and her friends start laughing and making fun of me.

 

I was crushed by this. Even remembering those moments now months later makes me feel really sad inside. A couple of days after the incident, one of my friends at college who knew her texted her without my permission, telling her to please not come back to my college. She texted back blaming the incident on me. Anyway, after this I kind of settled into a routine of trying to just push through day by day. I couldn't really sleep for a while, and I didn't really feel like going out to parties and events. To people who knew me on a cursory level, I was normal. To my close friends, I wasn't really myself, but inside it was much, much worse.

 

Eventually, it got a little bit better. You can't tell I'm sad about it anymore, and I'm not sad about it all the time. It does creep up on me a lot though, and I am still kind of struggling inside.

 

About a week ago, one of my friends who knows the whole situation thought that if I got a closure conversation with her, I would be much better off. So, he asked one of his close friends who is close friends with my ex to talk to her about me over this spring break. So this close friend mentions me, and my ex apparently says she doesn't talk to me, but might "give me a chance" this summer, though she doesn't really want to talk to me in general. Then, the friend mentions stuff that I've been doing, just like academically and stuff, and my ex says she doesn't care, and the conversation ends. Needless to say, the friend got the image that this conversation definitely isn't going to happen, and that my ex really doesn't care at all.

 

I'm not really sure why, but hearing this made me sadder. Even though I knew she doesn't care, I guess it just confirms it. I guess I'm just reaching out to you guys, who are more experienced. What do you think I should do? I've tried to "do me" and forget it, distract myself, all of those things. But none of it has worked, and I'm kind of stuck again. I'm just like defeated and dejected, and really unsure of how to proceed. I haven't been happy in a long time, and I'm not sure if I will be completely happy again.

[The_Dork_Lard]

What do you think I should do?

 

My opinion is a very short answer:

 

You should now accept you're never having that conversation, and coldly remind yourself of that each time you wish for it.

 

I know that's painful, but cold reminders and acceptance are the fastest way to finally healing.

 

And that's it. It'll work. Remember, you're never going to have that conversation.

 

Why do you think it would help you if you did?

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

My opinion is a very short answer:

 

You should now accept you're never having that conversation, and coldly remind yourself of that each time you wish for it.

 

I know that's painful, but cold reminders and acceptance are the fastest way to finally healing.

 

And that's it. It'll work. Remember, you're never going to have that conversation.

 

Why do you think it would help you if you did?

 

I feel guilty about the breakup for some reason. I hate that we've ended in the way that we did, and I hate that a lot of the other couples from our high school have ended in a much better light. I don't understand how she could have done the things she did and have zero guilt for it, and not care. I've gotten no closure, and it tortures me.

[Hoosfoos]

Don't expect closure or apologies from immature, s#itty people. Based on your description she sounds like she is just that. Make your own closure, in the form of never having anything to do with her again.

[Raina314]

I feel guilty about the breakup for some reason. I hate that we've ended in the way that we did, and I hate that a lot of the other couples from our high school have ended in a much better light. I don't understand how she could have done the things she did and have zero guilt for it, and not care. I've gotten no closure, and it tortures me.

 

I get that. Even though my ex even *told* me that the end of our relationship wasn't my fault and it was all on him, I felt guilty for ages because I felt like I'd let him down by not keeping him happy enough to stay with me. I don't know what got me out of that mindset. Maybe it was just time. I know it sounds cliche, but try making a list of all the not-so-good things about her/your relationship. I dismissed it for a while because I figured if I didn't remember those things every time I thought of him, then the good must have outweighed the bad anyways. But I got so desperate that I eventually did try it, and it helped me a lot.

 

Good luck <3. I know you also mentioned your friends were tired of hearing about it, and that's the good thing about this forum. We're here for exactly that purpose, so you'll always have an ear (or several) here.