14waysILY Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 So my boyfriend broke up with me needing some time on his own but wanted to stay friends. I struggled staying friends with him and had some mood swings well a week ago I snapped and told him to just come get his stuff and that I would just leave it on the porch and he flipped out because he took it as me not wanting to be in his life and then told me he was done. I've tried everything this past week, I've apologized and nothing. 1
Zahara Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 You need to accept that it is a break-up. You both cannot be friends, at least until you both have moved on from each other. Suggesting a friendship is just his way of alleviating his own discomfort with facing an ending. It also helps him to transition by having you there as a fallback. You did the right thing by cutting ties. You need to stay in no contact. 2
elaine567 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. He dumped you, so he cannot expect you to be just be his friend and stay in his life, that is NOT how it usually works. 2
Steven1 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I think that attempting to be friends so soon after a break up was a very,very bad idea as all of the emotions are still there. He may have thought that it was more of a break in his mind than a breakup and (although you had every right) after your argument with him and him getting his stuff etc he probably thought that you wanted nothing from it what so ever, no friendship etc, and you are within your right to say that, he can't expect you to wait forever. 2
Satu Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 To be friends, you'd have to develop a completely new way of relating to each other. A friend isn't just a lover minus benefits. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Friendship? After breaking up? On his terms? When he dumped you? Yeah, right.... Plain ludicrous. Read the NC Guide in my signature. You'll find that essentially, he wants to stay friends for his own benefit, not yours. 4
Author 14waysILY Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Thanks everyone it's just so hard because we were bestfriends we did everything together and this has been the hardest I just want to fix things 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Thanks everyone it's just so hard because we were bestfriends we did everything together and this has been the hardest I just want to fix things With his cooperation? Possibly. On your own? Not a bat's chance.... 1
Author 14waysILY Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 With his cooperation? Possibly. On your own? Not a bat's chance.... That's the thing he won't even talk to me he just ignores me 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 That's the thing he won't even talk to me he just ignores me As he should. I strongly suggest you adopt the same tactic. From this moment onwards. 2
faithfully Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 That's the thing he won't even talk to me he just ignores me Then you do the same......... vanish Go NC and live your own life, we can't force people to talk to us but we can chose to better ourselves. It will get better with time. 2
Satu Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Turn your attention to yourself and do something that makes you feel good. Meet up with a friend. Go somewhere nice for a coffee. Go for a swim. Go for a walk in a beautiful place. Do whatever it is that will make you feel good. At the moment, there's nothing you can do about this guy, so shift your attention to something else. Generally speaking, when someone is obsessing about their ex, that preoccupation causes the person to neglect themselves. Are you eating healthily? Are you drinking enough water? Are you exercising? Are you spending time with other people, family and friends? Are you getting out of the house enough? Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol? Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment? Are you keeping up with your responsibilities? Those are the things you need to do before you do anything else. Take care.
Zahara Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 That's the thing he won't even talk to me he just ignores me It's a break-up. It's over. That would mean no talking to each other. You're afraid of it being over and you can't accept the finality of your relationship. I understand. It's painful. But this is the best thing for you. It's going to help you move on. 1
Author 14waysILY Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Thanks for all your advice everyone I'll start working on it 2
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