bibi86 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Hey, thank you all in advance to read my story... i'm trying to get over this whole situation and move on but still I try to understand the whole thing it just confuses me so I hope some of you could give me and advice.... Let's start from the beginning 4 years ago I met a man at work we started talking a lot and we had a good connection. At this point he is married (3kids) and I found it kind of weird that he is always flirting with me I didn't expect anything to happen... But as time did go on feelings arose I do think on both ends... he was always very caring always there for me and so on. He was an important person for me in my life and the other way around. Until he started to act weird that was last year we did know each other for 3 years at this point. Well he didn't message me that often at this point and when he texted me it was rather short like how am I doing? questions like this he became very distant... A few months later his marriage was on a break down and he started to complaining/talking to me about his marriage that it didn't work out.. Well I kinda new that his marriage was going downhill for a long time now and his kids were is only ancor to the marriage... At this point I was there for him tried to give him advice stay strong and so on.. he said he can't trust anyone like me... But this whole thing took a toll on myself because he was falling into depression and I was worrying about him all the time... but on the other hand he was blocking me out of his life... it was too much for me at one moment and I did quit the contact I felt bad about it but I had to do it for my own sake... We haven't talked to each other for a few months and than all of a sudden I saw him infront of a bar were was supposed to meet my friends.. I went towards him and well he was genuinly happy to see me talked to me and said I should write him... that was a rather short conversation because he was there with 2 way younger girls... which was weird... but after an hour he texted me that it was good to see me... 1 month later he accused me of stalking him... I don't know why just don't know... in this short month of conntact he told me that he seperated from his wife and so on.. the present situation is that since december 2015 I basically wrote him once a month just to see if he is doing alright because I still care and I feel bad that I dumped him in a bad situation. Usually when I texted him the conversations were nice and very open... and he said that we might meet each other... he always thanked me for a nice chat and so on... I do believe that he has a fling with his co-worker she is probably in her early 20's and he is 47. What confused me the most is that last week I was walking by his job and thought why don't say hello in person... and he was totally cold and weird (the co-worker was there as well, she kinda looked weird at me) I don't know I am very confused by the situation... I don't know it all the conversations we had in the past few months were just his way to be nice to me idk... or was it just that his co-worker was there as well... I mean he said we should text but I don't think that he will text me... I'm so confused...... Thank you all for reading my story and if anyone has a solution/advice I'm thankfull for your support 1
Rachel39 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I'm confused did you actually date him when he was married ? 1
Author bibi86 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 it was more a sort of dating he came by my place a few times... it was no proper dating since the situation was rather complicated to begin with... because of 3 very active kids and the 2 jobs he has 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 (edited) It's never about what the other person does. It's all about what you do. In your shoes, I'd shut off contact. Why are you persisting, really? Bad idea to date in the workplace, bad idea to cultivate a friendship with a married person, bad idea to keep scratching and frankly, I think he was just irritated. He's obviously interested in someone else, so I really would leave them to it. Leave well alone, ignore and just exchange polite pleasantries when you run into one another. I'd back off, this is just going to confuse and ultimately embarrass you more. ETA: There's absolutely no question in my mind whatsoever that whatever was happening in his marriage, your being in the picture certainly didn't help, and may well have contributed to the deterioration. But because it seems you were not as 'forthcoming' as he might have liked; I take it you never had sex with him? He looked elsewhere. Edited March 27, 2016 by TaraMaiden2 1
Author bibi86 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 I think what I miss the most is that I lost a person I could trust, I lost a friend as well. I'm at the point that I think I can finally leave him alone. I don't know what it is that captures me to persist on contact, I can't force him. And concerning the sex we shared intimacy but he has a potency problem because he had a heartattack and takes serious medication. I know that it was wrong to even give in into the whole thing and we never worked together just in the same mall but i think the person he is with now is his co-worker. Either way thank you for your advice and words. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I think what I miss the most is that I lost a person I could trust, I lost a friend as well. I'm at the point that I think I can finally leave him alone. I don't know what it is that captures me to persist on contact, I can't force him. And concerning the sex we shared intimacy but he has a potency problem because he had a heartattack and takes serious medication. I know that it was wrong to even give in into the whole thing and we never worked together just in the same mall but i think the person he is with now is his co-worker. Either way thank you for your advice and words. You need to keep in mind that he's not a trustworthy person if he was carrying on with you while he was still married. That isn't a person you can trust, because ultimately, he acts in his own self-interest. You'd be best to cut all ties. I agree that his new interest is probably this co-worker, which is why they both seemed awkward when you stopped by. He's trying to paint you as "the crazy one" without revealing the personal history between you. 2
Author bibi86 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 I believe that as well and I think that this is his way of coping with the end of his marriage as well because she is way younger than him probably less problems, ego-boost and so on..... and the end of our contact wasn't very good so it seems I am baggage as well... 1
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