SurreyGuy Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 So as the title says, I need dating advice and I HATE dating. Not only do I hate dating but I hate/strongly dislike most people. I have very strong opinions and a lot of people just don't meet any sort of criteria for me to be friends with them. I am a very logical academic person and don't adhere to any of this modern crap. People annoy me very easily and I get bored of people very quickly also. Trouble is, I'm getting lonely now. I aimed to change myself to fit with what is 'normal' but I hated it and I've come to the conclusion I won't entirely change myself for people. I'm just about to turn 21 and in need of some companionship. Any advice for someone like me who hates most people but wants a relationship? 1
lychee Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 There's nothing wrong with you, not everybody is a people person...as long as your dislike doesn't turn out to be deep hatred for humanity and you fantasize about ending lives - you're good. Don't try so hard, genuine interest works best. Find hobbies you're into...someone is bound to spark a least a bit of interest in you. Could start as a friendship and eventually become more. 1
Author SurreyGuy Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 There's nothing wrong with you, not everybody is a people person...as long as your dislike doesn't turn out to be deep hatred for humanity and you fantasize about ending lives - you're good. Don't try so hard, genuine interest works best. Find hobbies you're into...someone is bound to spark a least a bit of interest in you. Could start as a friendship and eventually become more. I don't fantasise about killing people, no The trouble is - I don't like many group activities. In fact I don't do any. Everything I'm interested in is mainly solo - motorcycle riding, reading and so on. Nothing makes me less excited than spending time with people I don't know. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 SurreyGuy are you open to considering that perhaps you may be demonstrating strong sociopathic tendencies? You might like to think about consulting a psychiatrist. Just to evaluate precisely whether there's a specific issue, to know how to deal with it more successfully. I'm not suggesting it's a 'wrong' thing - particularly as it's a trait you openly recognise. But if it looks like being a hindrance, someone professional would be better placed to guide you, than we are....? 1
Satu Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 snip I'm just about to turn 21 and in need of some companionship. Any advice for someone like me who hates most people but wants a relationship? You should consider having a relationship with someone who hates you as much as you hate everybody else. I'm sure that your logical mind will see the good sense of this option. 5
Author SurreyGuy Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 SurreyGuy are you open to considering that perhaps you may be demonstrating strong sociopathic tendencies? You might like to think about consulting a psychiatrist. Just to evaluate precisely whether there's a specific issue, to know how to deal with it more successfully. I'm not suggesting it's a 'wrong' thing - particularly as it's a trait you openly recognise. But if it looks like being a hindrance, someone professional would be better placed to guide you, than we are....? I'm definitely not a sociopath But when people strongly believe in a magical man in the sky, star alignment at the time of birth gives you personality traits and people can talk to spirits - I have absolutely no time for them. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Whew! That lets me off the hook then! None of the above! I didn't say you were a sociopath - I merely suggested you might have some sociopathic tendencies. My H has. 1
edgygirl Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 You must be an INTJ - my fave personality type in Myers Briggs. https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality Get acquainted with this or do the test to find out what is your type if not INTJ, it will explain a lot to you about yourself and preferences. As opposed to you, I am a complete extrovert, double your age, and still have a lot of misanthropic moments... after all most people suck indeed. It's okay not to like most people, specially if you're very intelligent and/or don't enjoy small talk. 1
edgygirl Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Try to find someone who stimulates you intellectually. If you're online dating, try to find someone who seems deepe, interesting and intelligent instead of purely physically attractive (as most guys would). Any advice for someone like me who hates most people but wants a relationship? 1
Jabron1 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Well, I think we can rule out you being a misanthrope. You want companionship. 'Timon Of Athens' you are not All the same rules apply to you as anyone else. 1
edgygirl Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 One last advice: join this group and you'll find 18000 people like yourself and feel less awkward: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MainINTJ/ 1
preraph Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 It's really not that unusual for older teens and young 20s people to hate society or people. It's usually a lot of pent-up resentment, or sometimes it's you who doesn't fit in, and I say that mainly because you seem intolerant of people with different beliefs. I would ask that you at least keep your mind open that one person's experience may differ from yours. Just because you don't think you have any unexplained experiences doesn't mean other people don't. Since you fancy yourself a more logical thinker, maybe your answer does lie with finding someone who is similarly scientific or mathematical. Although I understand that as many people in your age range who hate people (I did), there are just as many who are overly idealistic and simplistic and think just because they can imagine a better world, that there is no obstacle to achieving same. Because I was once that way, I have little patience with those types now because it makes me remember what a know-it-all self-righteous idiot I once was. You're at the age where you should be exploring, not closing off. You should be learning to work with all types of people, though you do not have to date them. If you don't already have a circle of friends, I would say you do have a problem you need to rethink. If you do, then get busy going and doing things with them and expand your social circle. And pursue hobbies or interests that are more likely to turn up a straight-thinking logical girl, although if you think you're bored with the other, I'd expect you'd find someone just like you snoozeville. Because I always thought academics liked a challenge. 1
Jabron1 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 As opposed to you, I am a complete extrovert, double your age, and still have a lot of misanthropic moments... after all most people suck indeed. It's okay not to like most people, specially if you're very intelligent and/or don't enjoy small talk. Eh, I'm an INTP. And I think a certain amount of jadedness comes from experience and understanding the reality of human nature. ALCIBIADES: How came the noble Timon to this change? TIMON: As the moon does, by wanting light to give. But then renew I could not, like the moon. There were no suns to borrow of. Got to accept things as they are, rather than what we would have them be, and make the most of things . 1
AMJ Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Any advice for someone like me who hates most people but wants a relationship? A few years ago my friend and I found a guy at a crowded music festival wearing this shirt that says "I Hate People". We thought this was pretty funny due to the irony of being at a ridiculously crowded festival and supposedly hating everyone there. Naturally we had to talk to him about hating people, had a good laugh, took some funny photos, and managed to make the guy smile. My advice is, stop thinking of yourself as some mysterious outsider. You're just like the rest of us. What is it you like and dislike about people? Be specific. Then search for people who don't have the qualities you dislike. Don't ever try to be someone you're not or conform to some dating rules that you dislike. Be yourself and find people who are like you, hang out with them. 1
Jabron1 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Don't ever try to be someone you're not or conform to some dating rules that you dislike. I disagree. I think we all have to conform at some level, in every area of life. None of us are going to reinvent the wheel. Lets face it, none of us are 'just being ourselves'. Otherwise the typical interaction would go something like this: Him: Hello, I find you very attractive. And, I would like to have animal sex with you ASAP. Her: My terms are that we will be exclusive after sex, move in together after six months, and be married within one year. Him: Those terms are completely unacceptable. So I'll bid you good-day. Life would be easier Dating rule #1: he'll have to ask a bunch of women out. There's a big hurdle from the off. Most guys don't like that - that's why online dating is so big. Most of us would prefer women fell from the sky into our houses I think it's safe to say he will have to leave his comfort zone, and do things that he probably doesn't initially want to do 2
jen1447 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Nothing makes me less excited than spending time with people I don't know. But when people strongly believe in a magical man in the sky, star alignment at the time of birth gives you personality traits and people can talk to spirits - I have absolutely no time for them. Any advice for someone like me who hates most people but wants a relationship? Groan ....stop taking yourself so seriously. 1
SammySammy Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 (edited) This guy is antisocial. Introversion and being analytical doesn't cause anyone to hate people and many introverts, including INTJs like myself, have no problem dating. Edited March 27, 2016 by MidKnightDreams 4
basil67 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I'm definitely not a sociopath But when people strongly believe in a magical man in the sky, star alignment at the time of birth gives you personality traits and people can talk to spirits - I have absolutely no time for them. We don't have to agree with 100% of what a person believes to have them as a friend. At any rate, until you give yourself a kick up the rear end, you will have no success in dating. Most people run a mile from haters. 2
Jabron1 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 This guy is antisocial. Probably just a bit immature IMO. I used to share his attitude towards religion at his age. However, I've mellowed a bit and developed a respect for Christianity over the years. A lot of women are into spirituality (especially ghosts, psychics, and that sort of thing) - doesn't make them cultists or anything. By being elitist about it, he's just narrowed his potential dating pool considerably. And I'm not buying the whole 'I hate people, but I want a relationship' thing I hate/strongly dislike most people. Trouble is, I'm getting lonely now.
joseb Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I'm definitely not a sociopath But when people strongly believe in a magical man in the sky, star alignment at the time of birth gives you personality traits and people can talk to spirits - I have absolutely no time for them. There are plenty of people who don't believe in any of that. I've not found it to an issue.
deckard11 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 So as the title says, I need dating advice and I HATE dating. Not only do I hate dating but I hate/strongly dislike most people. I have very strong opinions and a lot of people just don't meet any sort of criteria for me to be friends with them. I am a very logical academic person and don't adhere to any of this modern crap. People annoy me very easily and I get bored of people very quickly also. Trouble is, I'm getting lonely now. I aimed to change myself to fit with what is 'normal' but I hated it and I've come to the conclusion I won't entirely change myself for people. I'm just about to turn 21 and in need of some companionship. Any advice for someone like me who hates most people but wants a relationship? I'm the same way dude. But I gave up on trying to date.
The_Dork_Lard Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 (edited) So as the title says, I need dating advice and I HATE dating. Not only do I hate dating but I hate/strongly dislike most people. I have very strong opinions and a lot of people just don't meet any sort of criteria for me to be friends with them. I am a very logical academic person and don't adhere to any of this modern crap. People annoy me very easily and I get bored of people very quickly also. Trouble is, I'm getting lonely now. I aimed to change myself to fit with what is 'normal' but I hated it and I've come to the conclusion I won't entirely change myself for people. I'm just about to turn 21 and in need of some companionship. Any advice for someone like me who hates most people but wants a relationship? I'd like to offer some advice, bearing in mind I used to feel EXACTLY the same as you, and now I'm nearly twice your age, so I speak from the future! Try and see small talk not as a hindrance, but as a function. There are lots of logical and academic people out there, but most people are too scared to reveal themselves too quickly. Small talk becomes a way of screening people to see hints of compatibility, but without investment. It's a gateway to depth, but leaves a viable escape route. That's not to say most people won't appear to be s**t, because lots will, but there are diamonds within that s**t. You just have to sift through it. I continue to be surprised sometimes. People I've worked with for a year or more suddenly seem to have informed opinions, are not as stupid as I'd imagined, and are often very likeable... but not until a degree of small talk has occurred. Trust me when I say that as you move through your 20s and 30s, the loneliness and desire for companionship gets more intense. So don't cut people off entirely. Those who are not necessarily 'logical or academic' might often possess deep emotional, creative, or interpersonal intelligence and insights, way beyond your understanding. You can learn something, and grow, from almost everybody you meet. Good luck mate. EDIT: Also, don't wait until you're past 30 to find somebody decent. They're all gone by that age, and you really WILL be left with mostly crappy psycho baggaged women to choose from. There's lots of diamonds available at 21, so don't make the mistake I did and be too choosy thinking you've got decades, because you haven't. Your window of opportunity is limited to a few tender years in your late teens/early 20s - generally speaking. I had a VERY decent girlfriend between age 23-26, but I let her go because she was 'boring'. I've never come close to finding that quality since, and the last I heard she married and had a child a few years after we split. I'm 37, sad, lonely, and living in a room, as are all of my single male friends of a similar age. So take heed, and think twice before cutting people off simply because you 'don't like people'. Some people really are to be liked, believe me. Edited March 27, 2016 by The_Dork_Lard
mikeylo Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 You must be an INTJ - my fave personality type in Myers Briggs. https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality Get acquainted with this or do the test to find out what is your type if not INTJ, it will explain a lot to you about yourself and preferences. As opposed to you, I am a complete extrovert, double your age, and still have a lot of misanthropic moments... after all most people suck indeed. It's okay not to like most people, specially if you're very intelligent and/or don't enjoy small talk. Interesting. I didn't know about personality types.
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