strange situation

[retrovibes73]

mid 30’s couple. together for two years. no fighting very good and easy going. no red flags. my mother was fighting cancer during this time so it was stressful but made sure not to take it on my girlfriend. after my moms death i felt numb and soulless. right before x xmas i could not deal and broke away from my ex to grieve on my own. i should have just asked for time but it was considered a break up. we stayed in contact everyday almost like nothing has changed. just limited physical contact. after about 2 1/2 months i made progress dealing with my feelings and finally wrote her a note explaining that it had nothing to do with her and i was sorry if i hurt her but it was how i dealt with my loss. i told her i didn’t want to loose her and immediately her mood changed. she said she didn’t love me like she use to that she wants to be alone. i agree to give her that space but letting her know its not what i want. she starst going out with her single girlfriends drinking a lot and acting like a 20 year old. it looks like she is just having fun which she deserves it has been a stressful year for her to. i gave her some space and then after asked if we could meet up in the park so i could see her and her daughter. she got right back to me with a “ ill think about it “ my question is. why is she acting like i did such a bad thing and do you think this is just a phase she is going through? its really not like her. any advice? thanks so much

[Steven1]

I think during the time you and her were apart she probably felt as though you were pushing away despite you going through a very tough time yourself, she probably thought that it was the end and may not have known if you would ever come back around to her.

 

I think her going out with the single friends etc is just looking for a good time again, maybe during the months you and her were apart it was hard for her as well but she may have seen it as a break up like you said she considered it that and I think she got into the mindset that the relationship was over

[ExpatInItaly]

mid 30’s couple. together for two years. no fighting very good and easy going. no red flags. my mother was fighting cancer during this time so it was stressful but made sure not to take it on my girlfriend. after my moms death i felt numb and soulless. right before x xmas i could not deal and broke away from my ex to grieve on my own. i should have just asked for time but it was considered a break up. we stayed in contact everyday almost like nothing has changed. just limited physical contact. after about 2 1/2 months i made progress dealing with my feelings and finally wrote her a note explaining that it had nothing to do with her and i was sorry if i hurt her but it was how i dealt with my loss. i told her i didn’t want to loose her and immediately her mood changed. she said she didn’t love me like she use to that she wants to be alone. i agree to give her that space but letting her know its not what i want. she starst going out with her single girlfriends drinking a lot and acting like a 20 year old. it looks like she is just having fun which she deserves it has been a stressful year for her to. i gave her some space and then after asked if we could meet up in the park so i could see her and her daughter. she got right back to me with a “ ill think about it “ my question is. why is she acting like i did such a bad thing and do you think this is just a phase she is going through? its really not like her. any advice? thanks so much

 

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I know the death of a loved one can be devastating.

 

People react to grief in different ways. Although it's understandable you needed some breathing room, that likely didn't ease the pain for her when you ended the relationship. She probably wanted more than anything to be there for you and help you through it, so turning away from her very likely hurt her tremendously.

 

I'm sure she sympathizes with you for your loss, but understand she doesn't trust you with her heart now. She is probably afraid to get involved again right now, not knowing if you'll leave again. Even if she doesn't want to feel angry at you, especially given the circumstances, she probably does. You nailed it on the head when you said this has been stressful for her too. Breaking up changes the way we see our former partners.

 

There's not much you can do but give her the space she needs now. You can't really expect her to welcome you back into her and her child's life with open arms. If you hear nothing within the next couple weeks, I would start focusing on letting go of her and moving on.

[lychee]

You should have a talk with her.

Grieving is hard.

If she cant be understanding of your feeling process..do you really wanna be with her?